You're so beautiful.
I wish you didn't
have to go.

IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. THAT'S WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CALL IT
BUT I DON'T BELIEVE AT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. I BELIEVE THAT WE WERE DESTINED TO MEET
I WAS 18 WHEN WE FIRST MET. YOU WORE THAT PERFECT SMILE THAT I USED TO LOVE
YOU SAT BESIDE ME AND WE TALKED AND LAUGHED A LOT. RIGHT THEN AND THERE, I IMMEDIATELY KNEW, I WOULDN'T GET ENOUGH
YOU WERE 19 WHEN YOU FIRST MET ME. YOU SAID I WAS WEARING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN
I LAUGHED AT THAT. AND YOU JUST RESPONDED WITH A KISS ON MY LIPS
ON MY 19TH BIRTHDAY, YOU DIDN'T COME. A LOT OF PEOPLE SAID THAT I WORE THE SADNESS IN MY EYES
IT WAS ONE WEEK AFTER MY BIRTHDAY THAT I FIRST SAW YOU AGAIN. YOU DIDN'T SEE ME. YOU WERE TOO BUSY MAKING SOMEONE ELSE LAUGH
"WAS IT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?" I ASK YOU FIVE WEEKS LATER. YOU WEREN'T LISTENING. YOU WERE BUSY PACKING YOUR THINGS
I KEPT ASKING YOU THE SAME QUESTION. BUT YOU JUST KEPT ON IGNORING ME
AT SOME TIME YOU FACED ME AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS ON THE FLOOR. THE LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE STINGS
I GUESS YOU WEREN'T CONTENTED WITH THE MARK YOU LEFT INSIDE MY HEART. I GUESS YOU WANTED TO LEAVE A MARK WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE

there are days where you just want to go out,
have some fun, and get wasted like
there's no tomorrow.
there are also days where you want to
waste your time in front of your computer,
surfing the net while drinking coffee or tea.
and then there are days where you don't want
to get out of your bed,
you start thinking about your life
and just lie there for hours.

we all have these days in our life

They say home is where the heart is
I think they're right
But they don't tell you
that you don't just feel the hole it leaves
When you're alone at night
Home is not a hole that can be filled easily
And the constant little reminders really get to me
Like looking at the hills
Where mountains ought to be
I left my heart in Colorado
With my friends and family
There I had my first kiss
And I learned how to read
Learned to ride a bike
And how to climb a tree
A lifetime of memories
Eight hundred miles away
I guess you can say
I'm feeling  a bit homesick today.

you made me into something i always hated and despised. you made me feel like i was easy to love, but then you turned around and complained about age and pointed out i was too young. i hate that you were the nicest out of all the men i saw and yet you managed to break my heart faster than anyone ive ever known. "sorry" is not found in your vocabulary and right now i wish it was. its not that i dont love you but instead its a question of if i should or shouldnt. your yelling shook the ground and shattered my world and now i feel disgusted with myself. you are 18 and i am 15 but i think ive seen enough to know where this is going and if you plan to leave please do so now so you take not my heart but maybe puncture a vein. i am nothing but a half dead corpse who has taught herself how to both breathe and fade away because i am not ready to be in love or out of it but i am scared that you will lose patience and leave. i am sorry that i am unappreciative or cruel, i am just slowly fading away.

-mixed thoughts

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