I'm all red eyes
In a tiny black dress
Shooting daggers at the ground as I stomp down the steps
I'll ask you once and you better say yes,
You shatter me like the mirror I'd watched you in
Waiting and waiting and hoping again
You say you're bad with words, but that's all I have
Replaying and playing and playing again
With nothing to hold for the time I've spent
My nerves and my heart at war again
They're tired but ready like they've always been
I promised them peace, what a liar I am
Hurting and hurting and hurting again

I need a light,
I need a sign
I feel you ripping through my chest with a white hot knife
I fall on the rocks and feel the grind
You've let me down for the lucky thirteenth time
Tell me why,
And I'll tell you lies
Like our sky is blue and my hummingbird
flies
My chest is on fire
And my skin is too tight
I see a fault line in your amber eyes
Holding my wrists,
Should've been our night
Tell me why,
And baby I'll lie

I'll rip her to shreds,
For what you both did
I need to make marks so it won't happen again
Something that says I have the upper hand
Violent red fingerprints around two necks
It's either up in flames, or be a man
You better mean it when you reach for my ****** hands
That held my heart so I could sleep again
That locked in your hair on a dark blue bed
Who's knuckles you kissed when you asked me to dance
I swear to god if I hear that name again
The windows will rattle
The beams will bend
The clocks will fly from two to ten
How could you crush me after all that we said
I meant every word and every second I spent
Watching your mouth, curled into your chest,
Tracing the muscles on the back of your neck
Fighting myself to make sure we would last
You say what you mean
But don't mean what you said
You're an iron brand and I'm solid ice in your hands
Melt me down and freeze me again
Leave me then
Just leave me then

Lethargy follows the facade
But I can no longer pretend.
This is how it has always been.
How it always will be.

Do it to african musk.
Roll it like finely carved dust.
Hold it like dynamite just.
When angels fall, damage must.
Together bind it with trust.
Yet time goes on without rust.

Peering through crimson curtains,
Into the life of someone new.
Peeling away their layers,
Until all becomes black, just like you.

What brings storms to August evenings
the humidity from months before
clumps like a cloud over barren grasslands
we beg for rain but run for cover when she delivers
this thirst cannot be quenched with quick, violent floods
for they reach only the surface
penetrate our drying soils, she does not
when she leaves our muddy skin to now soil, steep and rot

What brings storms to August evenings
when we have just started to like the heat?
the light is harsh and white and yellow
the thunder breaks the streets
What brings storms to summer nights
when we have just began to swim?
To land we must now go
because the water's getting sharper
the waves are mean
we begged for rain
not storms that drain our land
What brings storms to August evenings?
the ones we wasted inside anyway

I remember the first time you called me fat
I forgave you

And for that, I struggle to forgive myself

I remember the first time you called me annoying
My chest fell into my gut
The feeling of my stomach acid eating at the words I pushed back  down my throat with whatever simple starch I could salvage
Is something I'll always remember

I remember the first time you said I broke your heart
And just how mine stopped
And how in 3 weeks it'll be a year since I gave my body away to a stranger and you held it over me like a plague in medieval times would've spread across my weakened body
I remember it strongly
I remember our first kiss,
I remember our last,
I remember the day I knew I didn't love you anymore,
If I could get that feeling to pass,
Because it's unfair you're happy,
When I'm still stuck in January when you told me in bullet form everything I did wrong
And it didn't make sense how I tried to leave but you wouldn't let me
Nd then you left
It isn't fair
You're gone, you're there,
And I'm no one, I'm nowhere

I open my bottle of red.
Watching how it splashes into my cup.
I'm memorized by the depth of the red.
Reminding me of all the blood I would have shed to keep you.

The drop drips down my glass and lands on my skin.
It's like the many tears cried for you but now red.
I savor the fruity but bitter note with each gulp.

It tastes like us.

As the bottle empties my body is now boiling, intoxicated with the thought of you.
The last drop enters my glass.
I find myself unsatisfied and wanting more, more of you.  
But I have to be strong and stop.

After all, it's just w(h)ine.

When I was younger, I had asthma.
I remember that suffocating feeling.
The panic, anxiety, nervousness striking my system all at once.
I never wanted to feel that again.

Fast-forward 20 years later, you came along.
The overwhelming feeling of asthma has come back.
I can't breathe.
You are asphyxiating me.
Yet, I find excuses, inhalers, to tolerate you...to keep you near.

Is it worth filling my lungs with chemicals just so that they can expand and contract?