I am a closed book
My cover, only a silhouette
The contents, an infinite number of words
I could never speak out loud

I am an open vessel
Bottomless, rarely full
My lid is broken
Yet, you tip me upside down
I will not spill

There are no limits for my consumption
Though there are plenty for my exposure
Like music without lyrics,
I comfort those around me
Without making them feel anything in particular
Not great, nor terrible
A beautiful medium
Whose absence could well go unnoticed,
Eventually replaced

I am several mistakes,
A few secrets,
A couple of regrets
And one hidden heart

A messy mind
Inside and out
Reminders of the past
Earthquakes , car crashes,
Physical fights and emotional abuse

Like a sneaky bite
From a mosquito or an ant
You don’t see it happen
It hurts as soon as you realise
But it soon disappears
Never to be thought of again
Unless you scratch it too much,
Make it bleed and enlarge

It’s the trauma
I try not to scratch
Pretend it never happened
So I don’t tell others
As soon as I speak out loud
It’s as if I’m bitten again
The poison rises up
To the surface of my skin
And I scratch so hard
At something that is not there
Yet it still hurts
And bleeds, grows
Bigger and bigger
Eventually maturing
Into a visible scar

Then all secrets are lost
No longer concealed
Festering upon the mess
An absolute abomination
Inside this mind
Of mine

constantly regretting
never sorry

rarely happy
always smiling

never alone
yet forever lonely

often hungry
but barely eating

- eternally broken

I am here,
this is me,
this is me giving up
now.

I do not love you
(or me)
I never have
I do not love
I never could

For myself,
I am weak
this will never change

This is me
giving up, truly, this time
it will be better
tomorrow
we forget

lose me now
I am already lost
I am gone

An overwhelming wave of fear
hit me last night before bed
an understanding, a realization
of how it really feels
to have happiness taken away,
love, torn from my grasp

You are no longer here
with me, near me, inside of me
who would have thought
that I would need you so much?
I cannot let go
even though you are already gone

We were separated too soon
I need time to love you more
though, those were not my intentions
at the beginning
you were fun, we had fun
and now
all I want is more of you

I need more of you

so very alone
yet high in demand
I think often
of trees standing strong
over people holding hands
I wonder sometimes
about how tall we may grow

These people
they pull me tight
I resist, then regret
as a storm of emotions
knocks me to the ground

It's those feelings
of love, of fear
that make the crippling leaves
fall slowly to the ground
some are happy, now is their time

I have been loved
and I have been left behind
there is no hope
when these hands hold nothing
but empty hearts

A beautiful thing
we once had
has now shrunken
making room for more
from these people
who all want me
they will get me
and I will be lost

four times
in one day
she will say to me
she will say
I am lovable
then, she will go
and not come back

I ask her once
why can I not
love her

I found a letter
she had wrote
for another girl
it was beautiful

I want her
to make me happy
help me feel
nice feelings again

Why do they leave me
and why do I stay?

Stop them, please
I need to love
she needs to know
I cannot speak for my heart
when nobody is around
to listen, anymore

why is it that
I reject all good
and accept all bad?

when was it
that I started to frown
when I wanted to smile?

how can you
make me
do this to myself?

to us

what can I do
to prove my worth
to feel happiness again?

where can I find
a comfortable place
to rest my head

and dream
forever

who
are we now?

a special place
I find myself in
a full head of hair
neatly brushed back
from a pale face

season has changed
no more careless footsteps
on dry gravel roads

maybe a warm drink
after school will help
the days seem important
now my closet has been rearranged

these things surrounding
all that is new
it's difficult to adjust
to what is becoming

and as rain begins to drop
on dry leaves already fallen
thinking of the past
is grounding

before I woke up today
I did not know where I was
all around me was misty
but a sign which read
'you are not lost'

I got closer,
the sign disappeared
then I woke up,
my pillow drowning in tears

Now, in the middle of the day
I am aware of my surroundings
plenty of words to say
but that unknown place
fills me with thoughts

Isolation
fear and curiosity
I can never remember
what I have been taught

colors of green
upon strange dark shapes
reflect off a mood
moving me

sounds to ****
a hard working animal
not quite a lullaby
but still,
moving me

a scarf draped over
an old man's letterbox
old coins stuck
in the sidewalk

things I miss
but still look to see
don't mean a lot
yet all is
moving me

there is a tree
you found for me
he shares some fruit
that we can't eat
nobody can tell us
what to expect
the silence will leave us
when you open your eyes
and my smile can protect
what we could share

until the clouds close in
stay by my side
what I want may disappear
but what you give me
forever it will stay

tuck in our dreams
escape out the back
sit underneath the fruit tree
and love what we have

together,
for now

a single finger
on the telephone dial
last night after supper
when a sound of heartbreak
shook the house

Mrs Midland dies in hospital
her dog whimpers in the corner
of the stranger's living room

If this beautiful street
had never exploded before,
the kids would be scared

Nobody will ever find the body
nobody will ever know why

I don't know what I am doing
I tell you I cannot speak
can you hear me?

The wind,
the wind forces a pressure
to the back of my head
can you feel me now?

We moved too quickly
you hold something over me
something that I am unable to move
you refuse to help me
pushing me away, backwards
back into an even stronger clutch

Suffocating, I now understand
where we are now
the idealistic destination for all lovers
and finally, I give in

There is no escape
you close my eyes
and I start to fall
deeper and deeper
into your nest

You have won

infest my body
force me to hate myself
stop me from getting close
make me forever uncomfortable

this is what he has done
this is what he wanted

he did it because he could
I deserve no less
my body is nothing
to him or to me
my heart is irrelevant
and my soul is a tip

he didn't ask for
my permission
he knew
he could ruin me
I didn't have
a single clue

existence is beyond any explanation
existence is you and me
we are here
along with the sky
and the animals
the animals in our minds,
in our hearts
our hearts beat like any others
and they scream
they scream for love
and for each other
they cry for ***
and for water
as our minds, they linger
slowly behind, afraid
of monsters

and we fall
then we drown
and we become
those monsters

I don't think
when I smile
I don't feel
when I cry
he doesn't know
when I try
he just knows
I exist

Where is a father
when there is
a helpless daughter?

Mr. Man tells me
I dress nicely
my smile is pure
my mind is busy
and my life,
my life is man-less

my love is nothing

place me in that chest
the old one downstairs
take out my hairs
one by one
stroke my nose
send those letters
to the young girl
who we used to love
don't ask any questions
I have been touched
and we can't take that back
I am *****
and I cannot feel you
he made me scream
I can't scream anymore
lock me away
close my eyes
find yourself a friend
I am not she
you must leave now
we will never
be strong enough
to save this soul

I feel that to write
I cannot go on
For now, my time, I do not know
I could be gone
Or I could be home
A speech of such loss
Of words, of lust
It is lost, absent for good
A paperweight on your coffee table
The letters on my wall
I feel that to speak
I cannot, to you, anymore
Many more years from now
Has no meaning at all
For the moment, in my room
There are no more thoughts
For the day, it is over,
The evening will forever be

How to see sound. by Chloe
two times

is all it took

for one eye to tell the other

just go ahead and look.

stragglers, they could agree

how seriously difficult

it is to really see.

I went along, though,

and all for good

as what had appeared in front of me

just so beautifully stood.

a few heart beats went by

before I sensed

a large wave of intensity

flow right out my chest.

You know, when the sky rains and the drops hit the floor,

the ground that we walk on is dry no more.

when your eyes are shut because you do not want to see,

just keep them open

cure your curiosity.

Now, I can dream without sleeping

so you can sing with no voice

nobody will care what comes out

so long as it is all your choice.