The first time I smoked a cigarette
I felt the exhilaration of putting it to my lips
Sharp inhalation followed by sputtering coughs
Barely managing to pull in an even breath
Followed by a head rush
My stomach tied in knots and I questioned whether or not I would be sick
But I persisted, and choked it down

Eventually I got used to the taste
I grew to rely on the way my world would stop
My head swam, and time slowed down
My anxious mind was eased, if only for a moment
I craved it more than oxygen

I knew that it would be the death of me
Yet I couldn't walk away
I spent money I didn't have, just to get one more taste
I lost who I was to what I thought I needed

Such was loving you

Time went on and it strangled me
I felt like I could hardly breath

There is no nicotine patch for loneliness
And the nights of missing you still make me shake
But loving you was smoking

**So I quit

Two halves of a whole
That's what they always said we were

Ten minutes** after me you were born
I made it to shore
you were Ten minutes out to sea

Ten weeks you spent in incubators
The doctors didn't think you would ever go home
Ten weeks Later you pulled through

Ten years you've been in and out of hospital beds
The surgeons always swore this was the last time, the tumor was gone
Ten years later they were wrong

Ten times You have called me and told me you wanted out
Being in this world was too painful and you couldn't do it anymore
Ten times I have told you if you go I will follow

Twenty years I have watched you drowning
Twenty years I have prayed I could take your pain and make it mine
Twenty years I would rather swallow razor blades than see you hurt
Twenty years I have wanted to save you but know I cannot swim

Ten minutes

I will drown instead

We are all human
She whispered to no one but herself
From ****** to Hemingway
and Ghandi to Gacy

We all have hearts that beat in battered rhythms
and throats that catch the words we hold inside ourselves
We all live, we all lose, we all love
To accept the darkness in ones self is to finally know peace

We are all human**
And we simply cannot change

I want to move you in the deepest way
To change your mind and make you stay
If crafted words on paper were enough to make you love me I would write until my fingers bleed
I will send a thousand letters you will never read