i am so numb to my own negative emotions
that every unfortunate thing that occurs
is another thing to add to the never ending list

my brain feels like its matted with hair
like its stuffed with cotton
and like it's empty all at once

i know when i get bad
and im bad

i need to stop cutting hair off and acting like its some metaphor for my depression
its not

all this faking is driving me mad
this is all a dream
i hope

i am starting to find myself
wishing i was elsewhere

i am losing myself in
places i already know

forgetting where im from
is something ive managed
to become good at

i am playing an endless game
of hide-and-seek
with myself

i speak hope that you may see through my lighter eyes.
through my spaced expression.
i surely do feel summer in my bones
i surely do feel like my world is expanding, as ***** and disbanded as my world may seem.
i know my state is temporary, just as it all is, but while i feel this, ill let it indulge
i will breathe in every last drop of this feeling until it is as dry as my bones

when i walk outside its amazing that i can feel the clouds wishing me farewall
the gut feelings are fading, everything seems yellow and grey
wont the chilly moon wish me a good rest of the year?
i am in dier need of a break

she is the only one i trust

i am forever trapped in a never ending cycle of complete density
i can no longer fit into one of these tiny boxes
and i am on the verge of either
panic
or
empathy

i am tired of the opposite ***
not the literal opposite ***
but the phrase in itself
the opposite
the thought of an "opposing team"

i see hospital beds but the walls are like mine
i see whispering rain showers and the
pursuit of comfort
then it all comes crashing down by the sun
by the heat and the melting of it all

these fears are generic
these feelings are currents washing over me
and though i do not know the cause
i do know the cure
or do i?

the sweetest sound is my own voice not trembling with anger
it is impossible to never not feel as though i need to yell at the top of my lungs
double negatives are something ive become good at
because i am not only negative
but that times two

im tired of people being loud
and the girls who
want me to yield
and the boys who
can but won't

im not your puppet
and im not your friend
i can't wait until you take your head out of the sand and realize
the world is meaningless when you're mean
i can see the venom dripping from your pretty teeth


it's okay to be jealous
just don't let it consume you

i prefer to think of titles after ive written the song

i need a break from people i see so frequently
im falling into traps more easily
i need new friends and a stronger defense

my considerate eyes and hopeful thoughts
so quickly turn to those that rot
id love to not have to hope
how does it feel to just be?
is anyone else truly alive in this world?
or just me?

this is raw honesty
i don't want your pity

hoping is like watching paint dry
ive got good intentions
but no reward at the end of it all

i don't want to "have been"
i want to be!
i want to not get-bored-of
i want to see the light in hoping again

in what way do you expect me to rejoice?
when there's chaos all around me
in this silence i am drowning

when my best day
is another's worst nightmare
all my prayers are ignored

i close my eyes before i ever shoot
i can shoot them arrows with my eyes
but still i can't look at you

my hands shake before i pull the trigger
but when there's adrenaline theres rhythm
and when there's music ive got eagle eye precision

we're finding out this is all we've got
while i learn
you're chugging bottles just to feel it burn

and i know i said id stop
i know i said I'd quit
but this war won't end so ill stay here just as long

ive learned that the man in the moon
might be a bit tired of hearing my complaints
and the universe doesn't care about me
but it's no surprise really,
since it's got the whole **** universe to take care of

i was too busy relying on the things that bound me
it all made sense in my head
and none of it had a consequence
but superstitions only have as much power as you give them

i am learning to be the center of my own universe
and to live as loudly as possible
i think im on the right course.
my train of thought is clear and mellow
and there's no sign of derail