through brandy doors we steal
kisses and argue about transcendentalism
you tell me morality is more than philosophy
it's a way of life you follow regardless
but to me, what is moral has always been relative
wars fought or people killed is biblical morality
justified as an act for greater good
divine and righteous punishment like saints
sightless martyrs holding up the stars
we count the knots in twisted trunks
life itself as tedious as pushing boulders up hills
your fingers on my skin are meaning
your eyes and lips are purpose
staving away the absurd to tomorrow

I once met a man as blind as the sea
Whose waves crashed down indiscriminately
Dark hair in hand, he whispered to me,
His voice quiet, a solemn plea

He wanted me to throw myself away
This, the meaning his message did convey
Become someone who would make him stay
Quell his waves to still and grey

A good girl - I do as I'm told
I become someone easier to hold
Remove the parts of me too bold
Despite the ocean remaining cold

Til my happiness is a dream unfound
Til my thoughts are still and bound
Til I feel as though I've drowned
Just hoping that he'd come around

But his ocean held no coloured light
It only served to spark and ignite
My colours escaped despite his plight
My wings grew and I took flight

my throne is made
of silver and bone
tarnished and alone
I sit waiting for you

threads tie my wrists
in ribbons of red string
like a pretty little parcel
another play thing

you toy with me
a game of cat and mouse
watch your fingers unbutton
the top of my blouse

I watch as you
uncover my chest
to plunge a dull dagger
into my breast

shock sets first
I sputter and cry
blood then bursts
hands covered red

my eyes aglow
a wounded animal
blood pools below
I think of your lips

of sunshine kisses
an ocean of care
until that moment
love was all fair

now the price is paid
heavy hearts lay
I foam at the mouth
like a rabid stray

my crown is made
of cobwebs and spiders
I think of your face
as consciousness fades

Burn the barn with the red wooden doors
Pour gasoline on the warm cedar floors
Your eyes alit against orange smoke skies
You warn me of my own demise

We watch it together, collapse and unbecome
Neither a death nor a beginning and none
A moment witnessed by death and I alone
From the flames, I cast the first stone

I blame death for all done and said
Death reminds me I too will wake dead
So I beg it to leave me to the fire
Plead that it's my time to expire

But death carries me outside once more
Tells me it will soon even the score
Not today nor tomorrow and yet
My heart stopping, a sure-fire bet

Death leaves me to deal with the flames
Find a way to work through the pain
As if heart or home could be rebuilt
As if I could forgive my own guilt

Night after night I sleep under the stars
Watch my old wounds become scars
Slowly I build a new red door and four walls
While listening to death whisper and call

Though I keep living with all these regrets
Waiting for my sun to eventually set
From old barn ashes sprouts emerge
Tiny seedlings through dirt surge

I'll watch poppies and lilies bloom
Keep working by merely light of the moon
Until I'm rebuilt and once again new
Order is brought to what was once askew

And though death seems to always draw near
I decide to abandon my fear
Even in times I'm lonely, sad or asunder
I'll take the rain, and keep the thunder

someday when I die
if my thoughts continue on
without a body or being
I often wonder if
my postconsciousness
will still think of you

will you be the last thought
the final breath I draw
guiding me to the stars
a voice whispering
I'm good and still loved

if you are engraved
into my very soul
impossible for me to wash off
or remove

I'll die haunted
by the person you are
the things we never were

a lobotomy can't fix me
you will still exist

even when my heart stops beating

surrounded in a field of weeds
you pretend to plant your seeds
water something that won't grow
we both know it's just for show

loved it when our fingers laced
miss the way you used to taste
still have you between my teeth
now you're just out of reach

so raise your glass always half full
appreciate what I'd call dull
enjoy all your time away
because alone is how we'll stay

take a sip, give me no heed
find someone else in my stead
know I only drink to you
forget, remember, bid adieux

stop forgiving and cutting slack
to those who don't love you back