"no one needs me"
I think to myself
and I stop to turn
at my best friend curled up beside me in bed
he's a lot bigger than me
and a lot harrier than me
but he still needs me
he loves me unconditionally
and wants to play around all the time
his favorite thing to do is go on relaxing walks together
he's a good boy
and he needs me
and it turns out,
I need him too
even if he is just a dog to others
he's what keeps me going
he's my best friend
and now he's awake, licking my face
to remind me I am loved

you said "we need to talk"
you should've known that would send me spiraling
but then again I guess you don't know me that well
what did I do wrong?
was it the single kiss we shared?
or the talk we had while you held me?
did I say something?
my heart is sinking
but I don't want to tell you that
or maybe I do?
maybe you just don't like me
maybe you just don't see me
what if theres someone else?
and i've just been strung along?
there are so many words in my head
I cant seem to find the ones i want to say
so i sit in silence
while you simply say
"that kiss was wrong"
the kiss that felt magical
the kiss that led us to cuddling
and to talking about life
the kiss that I felt was so right
how could I have been so wrong?

A million you's
Existing all at once
All different people
But still you
 
The you known by your ex lover
The you known by your childhood friend
The you known by a sibling
 
So many versions of you
That people see differently
That people see separately
 
You exist a thousand times through other people
Somewhere there's a you
That you might be embarrassed of
 
Somewhere there's a you
That you might be proud of
 
All of these you's
Are simply a small piece of a raw you
The you that is sitting here
 
Reading this
Thinking of all the you's
That people carry around with them

11pm
I lay in bed trying to distract myself

12am
my distractions aren't helping

1am
I feel lonely

2am
I get frustrated because I cant sleep

2am
I feel like the only person in the world

2am
I wonder how many people are awake
thinking the same thoughts

Plants are patient
Waiting for just the right time to sprout
The slightest misjudgment on their part could mean death
So they will wait as seeds for years
Hiding beneath the tall oaks
Hoping one day they will have the chance to kiss the sun's sweet rays
as their elder's looming above them do
 
Plants are strong
As people massacre them for food or for their flashy reproductive organs
But they will come back
Even though they know they will be cut down again
 
Plants are kind
Giving themselves to help all others
Blooming beautifully for the bees
Cleaning corrupted air
Giving back to the soil when they die
 
Someday
I hope to be like a plant
I hope to be patient in life
Waiting for the right time
I hope to be strong
To grow back even when I know ill be cut down again
I hope to be kind
To give love to everything and everyone

Sitting next to you
 
I knew full and well I wanted you to kiss me
I knew full and well you wanted to kiss me
I could feel the energy twisting in my veins
 
The electricity from that moment
The magic from that moment
Was more intoxicating than the whiskey I like
It was intense and euphoric
 
Sitting next to you
 
I could feel your breath slowing
As you prepared yourself
For what we both knew was to come
For what we both wanted to come
 
Sitting next to you
 
I could feel you move ever so slightly closer
I could feel your hand lift and your soft fingers on my cheek
I could feel you tilt my small face towards you
I could feel you kiss me
 
Feeling you kiss me
 
Felt like all the electricity and magic was unconfined
It felt like fireworks on a warm summer night
It felt warm and beautiful
It felt right.