Have you ever felt your heart breaking?
Not just crying because somebody said no to you or something petty like that.
Have you ever literally felt your chest cave in on itself and burn with a searing pain?
Have you ever lost all control of your legs after hearing a simple sentence?
I've had my heart broken a number of times.
All equally as painful.
But this....
This is something much more.
He seems to have broken my soul.
I feel fragments of myself falling from my body.
And I know it's not just a heartbreak this time...

Before you get to know me
Let me tell you something.
I've made plans
To make plans
About making plans.
But I'm getting tired of that version of myself.
So before you get to know me.
Here's to never making plans.
We will do crazy things.
Or maybe we'll just sit on your couch.
And we'll go with the wind and see where we end up.
So before you get to know me...
Know that I'm not going to stay the same.
And I'm going to take all kinds of crazy risks.
I just don't care anymore.
Society can go **** itself.
And all of its stupid plans.

Follow my twitter @littleruthie8 I'd love to see some of you guys there!!!

So that Australian I fell in love with is coming back next week.
And guess what?
I'll be boarding a plane the very day he lands in Dublin.
I guess everything happens for a reason.
And I guess our two souls just aren't supposed to be together.....

I've made a promise to myself that I'll get over you.
I won't message you.
I won't call you.
And I will try my hardest not to think about you.
I don't know how long this will last
Or if I'll just eventually forget you
The way you forgot me.
But I will try.
That is a promise I have to keep.
Because you promised to come back for me....

I guess you're getting tired of my drunk phone calls at 3am.
I guess you don't care about my slurred sentences begging
For you to come back.
And I guess you're happy laying there alone when you know I'm just breaking into peices without you to hold..

"Hey there"

"Sorry I'm so late. She held me up again."

"Oh, it's okay. It was only twenty minutes.. Today should be fun!"

"I forgot something, hold on will you?"

"of course!"
I always waited on him. He was too good to me. He treated me normal. Not like a fragile price of china about to break in a billion peices.

"there we go. If I don't text her in ten minutes she'll freak.. Sorry!"

"aww no haha, you're grand! I get it!"

We walked a little bit then turned into his salon. He shut the doors. It was way past closing time.

"what'll we do today Ruth?"

"surprise me!"

He winks at me... It's not a flirtatious kind of wink. Just a wink to say 'I'm happy you're in a good mood' that's all.

I set my stuff down behind the counter and he leads me by the arm to this dark room with sinks and shampoo in it. I sat down on a chair and he just pressed this remote control and I reclined slowly, and the chair mechanically gave me a back massage... It was flawless. The ceiling of dim lights was wonderful to look at, not too ******* my soft vision at all.

"how's the water babe?"

"huh? Yeah it's perfect!"

Wait. Did he just call me babe or?
He massaged my temples and played with my hair for what seemed like a lifetime.. Neither one of us broke the silence. It was perfect.

"c'mere let's go... I've gotta surprise you. Remember?"

So we walked out of the confined space that would be absolutely perfect for a first kiss... Which never happened.... Because obviously he's happy with his girlfriend. (NOT FINISHED!!!!!)