You know what's hard?
Getting up every morning and being perky and pouring your coffee in front of everyone and pretending you weren't crying until 4am.

You know what's hard?
Getting dressed and putting on your make up trying desperately to impress someone... Hoping for a miracle.

You know what's hard?
Leaving the house and having every single thing remind you of a certain person. Oh we kissed there. Oh he goes to the gym there. Oh he drove me home there.

You know what's hard?
Lying to every single person when they ask you if you're too warm in your baggy jumpers, when they ask you how you're doing. Oh I'm fine, yourself? It's a monotonous reply.

You know what's hard?
Losing every inch of yourself. I've no idea who I was before. And every single time I fall for someone new (which has only happened 5 times. I'm not a crazy ****.) I lose part of who I am. And I get happy for a bit but then they leave.

You know what's not hard?
Hurting myself. I seem to be able to do that with ease. Razor blades and pencil sharpeners seem to dissolve out of their screws and plastic. It's so easy. And falling. That's another thing I find easy. I fall way too fast for people who really don't deserve it. Only I fall rarely so it hurts worse....

You know what's hard?
Love.
Life.
Breathing.
Being me.

I must sound like a complete nutcase to people I only tell small parts of my story to.
Because I swore to myself I'd never tell anyone the whole thing.

Oh my.
I haven't been this suicidal in a long time.

Im currently curled up attempting to read my favourite book and tears keep spilling out and I'm sorry if this doesnt turn out as poetic or if there's loads of mistakes. I just can't stop crying
The tears are burning and it's like acid rain and I'm crying over the love I never got over, the love that was completely pretend, the love that's impossible, the love that's too far away and all the other little heartbreaks in between
So my tears jus keep coming and there's an overwhelming sadness in my chest and my legs and my hands.
And I need to say goodbye before this gets worse

Why do I keep letting people get too close
My fragile heart can't cope anymore

Sorry but my last days are coming..

The noose is smooth against my skin

Sorry but it'll be over soon.

"I'm a little bit lost without you, and I'm a ****** big mess inside.."
        ~ Scouting For Girls

This line depicts exactly how I feel about you right now.
I'm lost.
And scared.
And confused.
Darling I've never felt this way.
And the fact that you left just as I fell makes it even worse.

My voice doesn't shake when I talk out loud anymore
And my heart doesn't sink when I see you with her

And my wrists aren't hurt
And my legs are clear

Only thin scars as a reminder that you were ever here.