I yearn to be close to him
I feel a deep tide of something
When he sits next to me
Something like joy or contentment
It’s relief but not exactly peace
Because still I may yearn for more
Something I cannot ever touch
But can always gaze upon afar
So I shall never know satisfaction
And I may just yearn forevermore

Her heart was a secret garden
With walls to dwarf the Eiffel Tower
Mine, on the other hand, was a pebble on the beach
Completely open and natural
Her body was an oasis awarded to the worthy traveler
Displayed in the Louvre with the lights angled just so
Mine, on the other hand, was a cave on a mountain
Privacy’s abode, enclosed with ancient stone armor.
It was just the two of us alone in a hotel room
With Paris, France peering in on us.
She was the best friend I’d been yearning for,
The lover my childhood crush could never have been,
The sister who showed me how to understand myself,
And she was the girlfriend I was never brave enough to imagine.

Do you love me?
Do you love me?
A dark chuckle fell from his bubblegum lips
Yet somehow the butterflies in her stomach went crazy
All she had done to prompt this was ask him one question,
The minuscule and simple words of which still tiptoed through her mind:
Do you love me?
Do you love me?
She felt like saying please, but she didn’t know what she was begging him to do
Maybe she was only asking herself to erase the words still slithering like a garter in a garden
It was like she was begging herself and him not to let this be painful
But she knew in her heart that his darkness was seeping out like he was going to hurt her
Do you love me?
Do you love me?

His voice brought back memories
Of dark rooms and broken bones.
His voice rebuilt old structures,
A whipping post with a chain.

His voice crawled under my clothes
And burrowed beneath my flesh
It brought me back to blood-soaked basements
And mattresses that were never quite dry.

His voice threw me into the closet
Hiding in a nest of dreariness
While praying for Death’s liberation
And drowning out the echoes in my ears

His voice brought back memories
Of being paralyzed more often than not
And his voice reminded me
That I will never own the body I inhabit.

The world is full of broken people
The world brims with shattered pieces
We break because we’ve been exposed to reality
We break when we come in contact with one another
There is no way to avoid being broken
And ain’t that some ****?

I wish I could’ve helped you
I wish I knew back then what I know now
I wish I could’ve seen your pain too
I wish I knew back then what I know now
Because now your soul is in pieces
And you’ve left me broken.

Part 1: DESOLATE SPACES STILL
Depth of the gray evening
Envelops the lone wolf child who wanders through it
Slowly making her way up the river, careful of the damp moss on the cobblestone path
Only looking up from the ground to gaze upon the stars
Looking to the constellations for guidance, unafraid of what surrounds her
All she really knows is the cold and the dark and the stars
Tips fading as they emanate from the center point
Even as dreams fade with outward pushes, the stars fade as the light moves. And she moves.
She has class at 7:30 the next morning
Paling in importance as it looms closer, its pressure now mere hours from her shoulders
Ants crawling across the sea and she’s had her fill of  the meaningless chaos
Chaos. From ordered civilization emerges organized institution, but those incarcerated can’t be tamed
Even zombies without worth run wild within the stone walls
So when another stretch looms before the lone wolf as she breathes in freedom, she can’t care.
Slipping through her mind is only one reason to submit. She whispers his name in her mind.
Tall, handsome, sweet, and funny… just her type and he’s right within reach…
If she submits and lets herself try
Loud hints in the soft and subtle moments make her feel like submission is worth it
Left to her own devices, she’d wander forever. But now she’ll have to make her way to class.

Part 2: Great Lakes
I entered into a staring contest with the nerd from English class
It was a deep dive exploration of the Great Lakes
Two great crystallized depths locked on me
They mirrored each other brimming with emotion
They were a river and torch to baptize me by fire
But it was just a staring contest
And afterwards she turned right back to her notebook
Completely unaware she’d left my soul spinning
Which leaves me terrified of how effortlessly enthralling she is
That her eyes have such power… and she doesn’t even seem to know.

I entered into a staring contest with the nerd from English class
It was a deep dive exploration of the Great Lakes
Two great crystallized depths locked on me
They mirrored each other brimming with emotion
They were a river and torch to baptize me by fire
But it was just a staring contest
And afterward, she turned right back to her notebook
Completely unaware she’d left my soul spinning
Which leaves me terrified of how effortlessly enthralling she is