I used to be thick, inky black regret
Spilling out of an old, tightly closed glass coca cola bottle.

I used to be road rash.

I used to be getting stuck too many times at the hospital, and still no luck with the IV.

I used to be "but these pills are such a pretty color..."

I used to be "but what else is there for me?"

I used to be a lot of things.

Now I am just the blood in your veins,
I am the chilled fall air,
And I the oxygen in your lungs,
I am the carbon of your bones.

I am marrow,
I am mind.
I am all you know,
And each twist in time.

I am the worlds end,
And I am the worlds start.

I am every single part,
Every single note
Of every single quote

I thought I left behind.

You are the air that I breathe,
The songs that I sing.
You are the sunsetsunrise
That I need.

You are the moonrisemoonset
The noon time
I never met

Your heart is all I ever needed
And I am so proud to keep it.

So swift to burn second chances
but casual cruelties do not equal honesty

Strength at the expense of others
is not strength at all

I've walked into the dark woods
It lies obliterated, charred
never as damaged as the ones who are scarred

Wells of patience are not frequently found
steadiness is rare and grows from the heart
judgement has been bled from my veins

And treading the path of truth, my art

I was hoping for sunshine
Instead you brought me rain.
I thought it would be all pleasure
But it ended up causing pain.
I wish you’d sung me love songs
That fell on my ears like psalms
Instead you turned away from me
And I had nothing in my palms.

I wanted to assuage my heart
That I would not be alone
But I seem to be a person who
Disgusts you to the bone.
I’ll never understand how you
Could turn from hot to icy cold
Somehow the love you felt at first
Quite suddenly got too old.

You no longer gently smiled at me.
And you found my jokes unfunny.
We began to live in cloudy skies
That never quite turned to sunny.
We both had misjudged the other
And things went south from there;
Made a wrong turn at Albuquerque
And I think I know just where.

It started when you realized
I’m not good at one-month stands.
You looked up and looked around
To see who else was at hand.
And since there are always those
Who date based on a guy’s looks
You became all hot and bothered
And I became one for the books.

One more notch on your pistol
A face to avoid on meeting.
One more victim of your game
That deserves no kind of greeting.
The good side of this story is
I am no longer under your spell.
I am going to move onward now
And let you sashay to hell.

I WHISPERED, "I am too young,"
And then, "I am old enough";
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
"Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair."
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

Bad dreams?
Not good to lay around eyes closed.
Seems I dream for you.
We'll  be together forever.
One day.
It's almost been a year.
Soon.
I promise.
I left for work
A full pack of pall malls
In my back pocket.
Why?   I've worked my *** off
For a year.
Five dollars is all I got.
Can I borrow?
There is a wall it seems.
I can barely hear you.
I'm tempted to smash my head
Against it or ******* tear my shirt
Off bash the next ******* smile of
Contentment into oblivion.
Whoa.
Idiot.
Calm. Slow.
Breathe.
What would that accomplish
In any positive way?
******* shut the hell up!
Stop this wheel this perpetual
treadmill.
******* all the people why do they seem to be making headway.
Oh. Hi.
The cashier said $4.25 sir.
Hi. 2 bananas a dollar each and a coke
A pecan spin. My CPA brain **** calculated
Like that's halfway to 9
Of my pay.
Still got lunch to buy.
Gas
I'm not even breaking even.
Guy behind me in line
Look on his face
Like I was too slow
In his way, I wanted to flatten him.
No. Can't be going around flailing
Just because you've managed to **** your life up royally all those nights
flashing Benjamin's like you some made guy. The times you did make money.
Gaming. Trying to dream.
I dream for you.
And so it goes.
Dreams reality life
A lifer at the wheel.
Heard a story once
Think it was by some Greek
About a rock and a hill.
I relate.

Why are you leaving?
What did I do wrong?
Why are you not coming home,
Back with us where you belong?
You don’t hug me any more
You and Mom seem so mad
You’re always acting sore.
Have I done something bad?

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

When I am acting angry
You both hound me to ask
What is going on with me
Or you both take me to task.
You don’t let me be cranky
Without any explanation.
So, what on earth is different
In this family situation?

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

I want things to be back again
Like they were before all this.
I want to be rewarded often
With a kind word and a kiss.
I want to work hard in school
To bring home good grades.
But it doesn’t seem important
In this crazy mess you’ve made.

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?

Mama says she hates it
That you want to go away,
And it hurts her to know you
Don’t need us both today.
She says you’ve changed now
And want to be more free.
That’s fine for you, I guess.
But what about her and me?

Why, Daddy, why?
I don’t understand this.
It makes me want to cry.
That’s just how bad this is.
Why, Daddy, why?
Why can’t you two make up?
What happens to me then
If you two decide to break up?