Soon I'll be far away again
the lapping shores the only thing keeping me from you
but you should know that I would swim oceans for you
even if it was just to see a glimpse of those blue mischievous  eyes
always the most beautiful in the setting city sun
How will I live knowing I won't awake with you entwined around me?

Where do the hours go?
With you I'm always losing track of time
I'm at your whim
Have I ever told you that I'm crazy?
That I'm a little bit deranged?

Baby
I'm losing my mind
Sweetheart
It's something about the way you laugh at stupid things
and make jokes just to hear a room beat with laughter
Your voice turns to a hum when I look at you sometimes
realizations like lighting striking me when you fall asleep
arm across my stomach like you're afraid I'll leave
because I've told you before how I learned from my mother how to run
and I'd been doing it ever since I realized boys stared at my waist
not ever listening to my words as I try to explain myself
****** hands hidden behind my back like a broken vase

My father told me that I was too beautiful for my own good
eyes alive  like the sky  at dawn the first morning you didn't sleep
hair wild as I slow down to look at the view
and he always got angry when I did that
stopped dead to stare at the fading pink light of a day coming to an end
You don't get angry
you  just stop and look at me with the same gaze I give that setting sun
and I swear
out of the corner of my misted eyes I see you smile
run your fingers through your hair as you wonder what I'm thinking
and I've always been afraid
afraid  that in the moments I spend with you that you realize
that you see that I'm thinking of one thing only
you
and I stare at the street lamps far below a little longer
tempting you to find out how much I really love you
to come closer and ask me what runs through my aching heart
but you  keep your distance
I wonder if you just know that later when my speech is clouded I'll say it
as I always do in the early hours of the morning
smoking out my deepest secret like trying to coax a ghost

I wish your lips weren't so protective
holding in lovesick notes even when drinking the clearest false securities
and she wants us to go far away
and when you express how fond you are of her company she looks down
everyday I see her I realize how similar we are
twin stories of mismatched fears and wanderlust
does she know about the way I claw at your skin as if looking for a way in
bruised ribcage under lust stained sheets
she used to eye me like I was a panther inching closer
irises daring her kin to set me off
but I'm no time bomb
and I think she sees that now

I'll always remember the time I realized I loved you
the first time, at least
it was too quick to know
and I was far too invested as you watched me glare at you past branches
only to fall asleep with my hair tangled in your fingers hours later
does time pass differently to you when I'm asleep next to your waist?
fluttering eylashes onto your knees like tiny dancers
I wonder if you ever notice the soft skin peaking under my shirt and sigh
thinking about how you'd long to slowly take off my clothes in the dark
teeth hitting bare skin of my collarbone as if I'm prey you've finally caught

I think of endings a year in advance
I always have, as if everything is terminal the second I say "I love you"
maybe that's why I don't say it
maybe I just assume with every lost memory I discover like a shipwreck
and ever passing whisper I recall
you see how entranced I am
my whole existence has bits of you like gems within it
or possibly they all encompassed you already
and the paint hadn't chipped enough to reveal you yet

When you're sad you sing songs to me about Venice
and the way your mother used to wear her hair to her shoulders
orange milky light stained every window like melted gelato
and you wondered if you'd ever find a girl who's heart was Murano
all lit up in the night like a summer sweet dream
when the air is hot and everyone's cheeks are a little red
their hair curly from the salty spray of the sea
you'd mark her neck until it looked winestained

but you appear  so sad when you tell me these stories
a faraway look in your vacant mind

I could be your merlot skinned girl
I can have eyes like the italian hills
rolling into the horizon
always having you search for the tallest one
Let me be your Venice
Let me be your home

Constellations spoke no words at all
when they could right interfere,
some missing points to draw a line
maybe the ones I've never had.

When the day comes it's already gone,
back and forth, in the end stuck here
for reality is my thorn and my spine,
then I can't separate good from bad.

The measure of time won't be long
so it's been what until now I steered,
there isn't more than meets the eye
I'll never know myself what's inside my head.

I only know the songs I love the most,
they can tell what life can be like,
not me, not making a living by living it.

I'll never write lines as good as those,
not saying better what's on my mind
or singing like it's worth it a listening.

Seldom other needs can juxtapose,
by any means I can't say much sometime,
but music finds me telling everything

for me, to me, for their soulful notes
whatsoever chord they could strike
the right ones in time will be moving me
magically...

From the fading warmth of my cheek,
her arm cascaded to her side,
like the minute hand of a clock:
how minute I felt in the absence
of touch.

It was her touch
that revealed what it is
to be alone.
It is her touch
that cemented the truth
built up
like a fairy-tale tower,
plastered upon my skin;
rooted
in each step I take.

As time passes,
in my lofty solitude,
I forget her face.
I forget the trace
of touch,
marking out the
far reaches of
my heart,
the territory she stole,
the jigsaw piece she
lost.

What remains is a memory...
Enshrined
in the gems
of dragon's treasure;
entombed
in the lands
of hopeless measure:
it remains.

I seek it out
in a perilous journey,
across arid time, and crooked space
it bathes in rubies,
it's slender edges, and soft lace;
there's her face!

The memory in the crook
of my lap, it sates
my bleeding heart
my barren fates
circadian rhythm, it sings to me
it's precious here
a sight to see
go now life
leave me be
with her I'm fixed
no broken dreams.

I cradle memory
turn it over to find...
What's this? An edge is cracked?
How come!
Is it the witching hour?
Where's loaded gun?
The memory pours
out forth the fun
I lose the memory
dear love is done.

Out on the steps
of my life post-love,
I share a drink
with a charcoal dove.

Take a look,
A good look,
And tell me what you see...
What DO you see when you look at me?

Do you see beauty?
Do you see intelligence?
Do you see hope?
What Do you see?

Take a look at me,
I bet you don't truly see me,
The person I try not to be,
Do you see?

See the scars on my wrist,
See the brokeness of my heart,
See the fear in my eyes,
Do you see?

See the hurt that's left behind,
From years passed,
To years to come,
Look at me.

See me for who I truly am,
Because who I am...
Is a fighter,
And a warrior.

I fight everyday,
To keep from what people say,
I fight to keep myself here,
I fight to live another day.

I fight the urge to cut,
To over dose,
To drink,
To smoke.

I'm a warrior,
I have been through hell,
Breaking inside,
A little each day.

I've fought for escape,
I've fought for love,
I've fought for forgiveness,
I've fought for understanding.

So look at me,
And tell me,
What do you see?
Do you see the real me?

You...
You hurt me,
Betrayed me to the deepest core,
Took my biggest fear and used it against me.

I forgive you,
Will you forgive me?
I am sorry,
But are you?

Can we make this right?
Can we ever let go?
Of the things of the past,
Or things that have yet to come?

Live in the moment,
A completely fresh,
And totally new start,
A clean slate for both.

I'm scared of love,
I'm scared of you,
But at the same time
I'm not...

All I can think about is,
and haven't stopped,
thinking about is...
YOU!!!

Whether you're ok,
If you're happy,
If you're writing,
Or smiling.

I'm scared of love,
But not scared of loving you,
I'm scared of you,
But that's because it's new.

I've never stopped caring about you,
I've never doubted you,
I've never seen you as anything less,
Than... Amazing.

Though you "don't" know it,
You're smart,
Talented writer,
passionate...

You're gentle kiss is the best,
Your hugs are the world's saftest place,
You're so funny,
And determined...

I just wish you could see yourself,
Like I do,
Even after everything...
I don't think you're a bad person....

I never did,
I think you're hurt,
And want someone to love,
And want something to finally go good..
You're troubled,
But you've had a hard life,
You love,
Though haven't gotten much...

Whether you decided to come back,
Or to let me back into you're life,
Even after EVERYTHING,
I'm always here to show you...

Who you truly are,
And not the broken,
Screwd up,
Nothing you think you are...

You're here for a reason,
You're amazing,
Not a mistake,
And definitely not for nothing...

With much love,
That has never stopped...
IcySky xoxo