I feel like standing tall with my chest out while taking a stand against something I don't believe in
I just need to find something I feel that strong for
I feel like I'm wasting time trying to decide which decision I choose would be right
Who else feels like it happens so much that wrong eventually feels right
I feel young , free , old and caged
Half the time I feel like I don't even know me
I feel high probably because I'm on the second floor wishing it was the top deck of a cruise ship and I'm waving bye to strangers standing on the shore
I feel alone and scared like I'm hungry but full
This void I feel has me feeling useless to the world
The tears I shed makes me feel weak
Starting from nothing after my last relationship really feels like maybe it ain't worth it
I feel like my heart has been torn out and stomped on so much that I'm unable to feel it when my heart beats
Feeling like I made my biggest mistake by trying to correct what was my biggest mistake
Wouldn't it be great if I could feel the feeling that a child feels
No problems, no stress and no feeling like I failed at this life
I feel like I'm sure you feel about this
Asking who cares how I feel or what my feelings are when I'm not concerned with how you feel
I feel like I abused my first forty years of life
And I don't have a good feeling that I have another forty left
I do feel thankful and I feel blessed
I feel like if I wakeup tomorrow then God feels like I'm worth a few more breathes
If not then I feel like he felt like I needed the rest

She's  missing a hand because it was holding mine
That cutout use to be me
My smile was as big as theirs
April of two thousand and fourteen at Clearwater Beach
We had a stranger take it twice
A lady with a green hat walked into the first shot
Back when our future had a sense of being endless like the ocean view
Back when I was old enough but not wise enough to catch the clues
Back when you had me believing you really loved me

It's a old picture with a new face
He's held in by scotch tape
She's still missing her hand
I can still feel it in mine
He wasn't there so that smile is fake
He wasn't the one who danced under the stars as the moon provided a spotlight
Down the beach letting the waves wet our feet
Is he the reason you started with the lies
What does he have I don't
Is this the man you stopped loving me for
If it was meant to be their wouldn't be a need for that tape
Besides he looks as out of place as you do when your with him
Who wears suit and tie on the beach anyways

That pictue is now ashes
I couldn't take it anymore
It went up quick
To quick so I poured gas on the ashes and burned them some more
That mark on the floor is permanent
Like the bad taste you left in my mouth
But as soon as I can put these pieces back together
I'm going to love again
The shore is in sight
Higher ground I'll soon be standing on
I want to laugh in your face
Brag till it makes you break
But I won't
Because I can't
Love won't allow that
I'll always be here
I refuse to pretend some of the best days I ever had wasn't with you
You walking away won't make me regret seven years of my past
It's how you get a win from a loss

Why would I be concerned with water when I could careless if I die of thirst
Would be like giving a man with a feeding tube hot soup
More senseless then a blind hunter in a deer stand holding a stick waiting to shoot
Your the type that would point to the fence then smack a infield fly
I stay with black circles under my eyes
Always in the dark
I stay in the dark cause I refuse to pay the eletric electricity
I see things clearly
No need for light to be shined
No need for a clock to hang on the wall
Time is irrelevant
Every minute is wasted with pure hate and fakeness
You know the difference between a sinner and a saint
One is a better liar
Hear that kids
The key to life is be a good liar
If nobody wants to hear what you say then your a liar anyway
So the better you are the further up the ladder you will climb
And if their is a heaven and hell, don't worry
It can't be to bad
I heard you can dance with the devil
And to me that's better them praising someone who planted sin then ran when it sprouted
You ask why so much is spent to send man in the sky and so little on deeper dives
It's our eyes
They always show the truth
Mine show me your a slave to your selfish ways
I need a me too moment
Or do I need to wait till I make millions
I'm as broke as the public school system
So I know they could **** me infront of city hall and not one person will care at all
Toothpick barely over a buck
Trying to gain weight
Help boost my plasma pay
I need it
Little Debbie keeps raising her price
Got me hooked pushing her **** for twenty five cents
Now I'm buying 305s to have enough left for one **** oatmeal pie
Sugar at three hundred and sixty nine
Sold my insulin for some gummies
High with the munchies sitting in the dark with just six cigarette butts left
On second thought let me get a sip of that smart water
Wet my lips so I can finish this ****
Quick to call a woman a *****
A gay man a ***
Lesibean a ****
Or atleast the ones who look in the mirror and hate what they see do
No smart man accepts a label
Kiss who you want
Make love to the world
You ask what am I
I'll look you in the eye like I'm the one wanting a reply
It's time to end the show
Pack my things and go
This ain't till next time
This is goodbye
As in goodbye we will never see each other again
Now watch me walk away and slowly disappear into thin air right as you blink your eyes

Burnt by the Sun that lights the days that I recently started to sleep away
Ashes in the wind sparkle the nights that allow me to hide and drink to the dark thoughts I hold in
Trying to force distance between memories and myself
A life thats been *****
So I contemplate how to use this blade
Save the it'll get better and everything happens for a reason lines
I don't live by cliches
I hate pain so I cut myself to ease the heartache
Enough blood to cause a flood
Clean the regrets from mistakes I made
Old man living lost in life
Keep your couple of dimes and cold french fries
I'm not begging for help
Waiting for traffic to pick up
If I had a sign it would read
God did you forget about me
Why so long for these open wounds to heal
Last one left on the sideline
Couples holding hands passing by
Can I have alittle happiness
Or am I the ******* child
Are you black and racist
Or is this your other personality coming alive
Just releasing some hate you had stored up for me
To far gone to quit
My white flag is red
To far gone to come back
My will is dead
My head fried like an egg on those old this your brain on drugs ad campaigns
This sub **** is not for a dom
I'm leaving you like Jesus left earth for heaven
Moving on to better
Que up the tears and practice telling someone how you miss me
These ears are deaf to your ****
And these eyes are no longer blind to your ****
My feelings won't allow me to continue letting you get away with your ****
It's been going on for to long so it's about time I put a end to this *******

To Steve
Do you remember the morning you lost your dad?
When I seen you crying I started
I begin thinking one day I would be you and lose mine too
Never did I think it would be this soon
High school graduation,  first day of college,  and everything that follows I'll do without him
He took a piece of my happiness when he decided to leave
Atleast you knew yours loved you enough to stay
Questions with no answers is what I'm stuck with
And it really *****
I believed everything he ever said
He promised he would always be there
To not worrying about calling
I could just yell cause he would always be close
I know I rarely said it but I loved him
And for that I get this and that ain't fair
Why
Why did you lie
Why would you  leave without telling me why
You didn't even say goodnight
You couldn't have waited till I was awake
Maybe after you drove me to shool
All I have are broken promises
I don't love you
I hate you
I'm glad your gone
You wasn't even my real dad
Goodbye

Dear Kayla
What did I say about letting other people make you so mad ?
Never give them that power
It hurts me to know I have caused you pain
I never wanted that
And I am with you
I'll always be by your side
Every minute we spent together was a blessing
You taught me more then I would've ever knew
My hero, my beautiful girl, my brilliant daughter
The sunshine in my day
The reason for the smile on my face
You don't need me around to continue your path towards great things
I believe you will change something in this world in a postive way
I tried staying around to see it
I hope time takes away your anger and pain
Theirs three envolopes in your top draw
Please wait to open till the date wrote on each one of them
I'm going to miss alot and
I'm sorry for that
I didn't want you worrying about me so your mom and myself decided not to tell
I would've before I had to leave but things got worse
If you cry please cry tears of happiness
That's all I want you to remember
I hope this letter helps in someway
I'm going to go now but remember
I'll still love you more tomorrow then I do today
You made my life mean something
Be good for your mom and don't forget to always smile
It makes the world shine
Thank you for being you and loving me
Love,
Your dad

P.S
I couldn't make it in before you feel asleep to say goodnight. But I sat by your bedside for hours watching you  Kissed your forehead and letting you know I was sorry I wouldn't be able to take you to school. I love you , you amazing beautiful girl