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When they saw that girl,
With her head bowed down,
Nowhere near the clouds,
Did they wonder why,
She walked down those halls,
With her fists shoved in her pockets?
Did they question,
Her silence,
And cold poker-face?
Did they ponder why,
A young girl like her,
Never talked to anyone?
Did they care that she,
Choked back tears,
Because her life wasn't fair?
No.
They didn't wonder,
They didn't quesiton,
They didn't ponder,
Because they,
Just.
Don't.
Care.
I tried to catch
a whiff of her scent,
as she walked past
there was none
but the putrefaction
of old dreams
stubs of old love
a black dress
and red shoes
Dealing with OCD
is like losing your mind,
You can be in a room
full of people, yet all alone,
Noone can ever know
when the horrible thoughts
will come and what they will be
you just feel a buzz, a hum, a drone
in your head and you try to block it out
but like Sony Xperia apps
running in the background,
they are there, infernal
consuming the bandwidth of your soul
there is a fine line between delusion and sanity
a clutching at straws, a search for help
pleas and pleas fall not on deaf ears
but endure it you must
until it runs its course
tunnelling on, pushing you to the edge
straddling the fine line buoying
bobbing, dancing, fleeting-
drowning you in its wake as you gasp and gasp
OCD is horrible and misunderstood
why it hit me, I know not-
when it came part of me, I never agreed
I just woke up arrested, paralysed
by the most unutterable thoughts...
I suspect it happened when I met
the thin woman with the one eye-
I have known no peace since then
Paranormal paranoia rules my brain
and I am mooted, glued in the vile filth
of guilt, shame, anger, helplessness-
like a generator running on fuel,
incessant the tyres do not stop burning
alone, sometimes, I ask myself
why? why me Lord?
the cup is too heavy for me to bear
and ghouls have made my mind
an open playing field and I cant break free
at times I wake up and its gone
I smile and dress up-
try to think normally, eat and sleep
but itchy insomnia rages on my skin
beads of sweat and shaking, my mouth is dry
I am afraid, frightened and I cower
OCD is crunching my life, slowly
and sadly noone knows...they just dont know
why I say 'off' things sometimes
they suppose its the preoccupation
of a busy mind, and busy I am
wallowing, silently, stewing in the prison
it seems there is no escaping this
Inspired by a true story
I determine to die loved.
Even if it is only
by myself.
I will learn to love myself before I die.
There's me.
Reaching for the unreachable
Jumping so high, only to be pulled down by the gravity of fear
Leaping before I look
falling because I thought I could fly.

I assume so much
it only hurts me.

I see the worst in people,
and I try to make it better.
but I only break them more.

I thought I could change the world
but I cant even change myself.

I want to talk,
but I don't want people to listen.

I say too much
I barely talk

I'm too expressive
I have no emotion

I'm too clingy
I'm never there

I just don't know
she
threw
him
away
she
had
nothing to feed him

(10 words excl. spaces)
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