My tears have caught in my eye sockets,
Far back where they cannot pass.
I yearn for the temporary relief of their flowing,
But that relief would not last.

Once the tears dried up,
Resolve trickling back into my mind,
Self-hatred would be the only feeling,
The only thing I would find.

So, crying is not worth it,
Though I feel ready to explode.
I have run far from my past,
When the tears always flowed.

To return now, to break down my wall,
Of cold, placid emotion,
I think that would be a fall,
Some sort of pitiful demotion.

She's everything I'm not
She's everything you want

And
She's everything
I'll never be

But
Despite that

She's everything
I need to be

Because
My everything
You'll always be

So many thoughts feelings expressions emotions
locked behind deadpan eyes and a voice that's toneless.
A mountain of a person consolidated to this form.
A body unimpressive.
A face unexpressive.
The chaos upstairs requires all of my attention.

Conversing takes a back-seat which is why I seem distant.
Too many things to say only leaves me in silence.
I don't know how or where to begin.
If only I could let you inside to weather the storm
maybe you could make sense of this nonsense and bring me to port.

Crazed chuckles
almost drown out
the whole
absurd situation
but not quite
soon the grin
will fade
and tears shall fall
but not today
probably.