Somewhere, right at this moment, a man is walking into a coffee shop. He's looking at the board above the baristas head. He can't decide what type of tea to get. This is the hardest decision that he's going to have to make today.

Somewhere, right at this moment, a man is having trouble selecting his drink order, while you're doubled over on the floor with a bottle clutched to your chest and a handful of pills begging to be swallowed, choosing whether to live or die.

-bcg (perspective can be a ***** and a life saver)

The day I met him I fainted. I can't say it was his fault as it was hours before we saw each other, but I think it was the universes way of foreshadowing the wave that was about to break over me. We rarely notice the universe's foreshadowing, but if we did we would save ourselves from so much trouble. If only you had noticed the way his hands shake like your fathers did after he came home from the bar. If only you had paid attention to her inability to ever answer the simple question of, "how are you.”

You're talking to someone else?

Yeah, but it's different.

You talk to him everyday, you text him every night, he knows you... How is it different?

     I talk to you, I respond to him. I love you, I fill time with him. He’s there for me, I’m still waiting on you.

“Do you still think about me?”
“Well, I don’t think about you as much as you think about me.”

2. “I’m yours and you’re mine, for now”

3. “I like you”
No response.

4. “We just don’t make sense.”
“But right now, with me laying in your arms, with my head on your chest, laughing about the weather, don’t we make a little bit of sense?”
“No.”

5. “This is getting too hard, I can’t keep doing this. I don’t think we should talk anymore.
“Okay.”
“What are you thinking?”
“How mad you would be if I said, “Well this was fun,” and hung up on you”

6. “If you told me to stay, I would stay. Just ask me to stay, please.”
“I’m not going to beg you, if you want to go. Just go.”

-bcg (things i laughed off, but shouldn’t have)

Hi. We can’t stop talking. Three things have happened today that I needed to tell someone, but the thing is there was only one person I wanted to tell. And well we both have a lot to figure out, but figuring things out doesn’t sound so scary if you’re there to make jokes about everything with me. I know we aren’t ready to be “together,” and I know you’re tired and angry about being in limbo. But the thing is, limbo can be fun; I was actually really good at it before my growth spurt.

-bcg (i can handle not knowing what we are as long as you’re right there next to me)

Today I was in the middle of something when I had a fleeting thought of what it would me like if you were here. I immediately stopped what I was doing to let myself daydream of you. So rarely do I let my mind drift to this that I thought it would be a little reward for being so good and compartmentalizing so well.

So I thought of you. I thought of the joke you would make about my handwriting. I thought about where your hand would be on my thigh. I thought about the laugh lines around your eyes that would come out when you smiled at my smile. I thought about it all.

But while I wasn’t paying attention, my mind went out of control, and I was skimming through memories of you and me while simultaneously making up scenarios of everything that we could be. The room was spinning and I was barely breathing when suddenly everything went cold and hot at the same time and you were saying goodbye a thousand times. Over and over, each one hit, and I just had to sit back and let the waves of grief keep crashing over the same body that once was held in your arms when I couldn’t stop shaking that Wednesday night back in July.

It was like I was falling and flying all at once and it took three deep breaths to clear it all up.
I gathered myself and left the room because for some reason it was starting to smell of you.

**** this and **** goodbyes. I would die for just one more night.

-bcg (i forget about you long enough to forget why i needed to)

He places his hand on the small of my back and we walk down the street like everything that was meant to be, was being,
and we were at the center of it all.


-bcg (what a good sunday really looks like)