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looking at your pictures..
all i feel is a deep sense of disappointment.
it could've been you.
**** it, it should've been you.
but you didn't want it to be you.
& so i'll let go of the expectations
& all the hopes i had of us being together
as i press "DELETE"
& get rid of all the pictures i have of you.
dear young girl:

REMEMBER  — you have lived perfectly before him & you will continue to do so when he's no longer around.
"you give too much. you're a good person, really. but you give too much. you never want others to feel as alone or as unimportant as you do, so you give & give & give so they can feel good. but in the process, you're only teaching them that you aren't worthy to receive. you're giving & giving & giving & hardly ever giving yourself a chance to receive. so people get used to that. people get used to you giving so much that they feel like they don't even have to try anymore. i know all you know how to do is give... you give without expecting anything in return except genuine appreciation. but then you get sad when you realise giving so much has left you feeling empty because you've given so much to others that you have nothing left to give to yourself. you give too much... there is such a thing as giving too much. continue giving, but realise that there's limits to how much you can give others. stop giving to the point where you feel used, unappreciated & empty. give freely... but there are limits in that giving. you give too much... i think that it's time you gave to yourself."

— dear self, stop giving so much.
we have no regard for each other's emtoions.
we treat each other like items.
we use each other until we're tired.
& then we move on to find another to use...
nothing really excites me anymore.
it's either everything has changed & i've remained the same
or everything is stagnant & i've changed so drastically that
i just don't fit in this environment anymore.
i'm like a fish that's been over fed
& this pond is too small & dull for me now.
i need to be thrown into the ocean.
i belong in the ocean.
dear universe, throw me into the ocean...
i'm so tired of meaningless conversations with meaningless people...
i'm so tired of meaningless kisses...
i'm so tired of meaninglessness...

can't i just invest my energy in one person that really deserves it,
rather than dividing myself to temporary flings
that don't even feed my soul?
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