My grandmother likes salami, God, and bougainvilleas
I like to think she likes tenuous pink things-
but then there’s the salami.

One day she taught her daughters to string neck-
laces from bougainvillea petals
like-ponies-in-a-junkyard

I think I chewed too much bubblegum in mass
because I picture God pink
an ethereal globe of a poppable pale pink.
And for some reason, I like to think Brother
Charles saw that too

I bet my lungs are somewhat pink:
more pink than my berry red blood
but less pink, sweet and/or hairy
than a cotton candy poodle.
I forget if they were strawberries or rasp-
berries too

There are things that are pink
but then there are things that are pink
and shadowless.
Like subterranean lungs,
God, the future, and
the smell of flamingos in the dark

The future is still pink and
somewhat fruity
like a lukewarm strawberry milkshake blushing,

or was it maybe just the taste
of my pepto-bismol stained lips.

One of those ponies was my mom

Perfect.
I was not
insecure, fragile, forgotten.
They said I was
confident, kind, happy.
I was not
my mistakes, my shortcomings.
They'd never forgive
the people who hurt me.
They were my friends.
........................................................­................

They were my friends,
the people who hurt me.
They'd never forgive
my mistakes, my shortcomings.
I was not
confident, kind, happy.
They said I was
insecure, fragile, forgotten.
I was not
perfect.

Woke up without my memories/thoughts dispersed, I'm scared/agitated

Woke up with you by my side/didn't know twas you

Didn't know twas true how I dreamt of having you there/but now I barely even know myself

Those who remember it thought we were perfect

Lost in my memories/lost without them I'm still

Not sure what to do/I should be lost without the love they claim we have, we had/but I don't remember, I may as well be dead, reborn, undead

Those who remember it thought it too good, unreal

And now my nightmare's caught up with me/I feel like I woke up in my bad dream, still dreaming I wake up how I slept

How could I forget a life so dreamy they say/I must have been playing hide not seek in my head, and now I can't figure out where my memories at

Yet I'm sure someplace within my mind, if it's any consolation/I'll always love you, even if I never remember

And maybe one day, maybe never, I will remember/and when such a day comes or not, please remind me never to forget again

My fatal fetallity

in this quiet room
i can only hear the rain knocking on my window
i can only feel the storm in my head
dark and it's getting darker
light won't ever shine
cold and it's getting colder
it's autumn in my heart
dying with every leaf
i haven't got the will to live
my body aches
millions of needles through my skin
my heart dies little by little
i embrace the pain
i'm holding my breath
i find joy when closer to death
i am drowning in tears
cutting in my flesh
the rain from my veins falling harder and harder
red on my legs
red from my wrists
an ocean of misery i'm falling in
i cannot swim
i'm drowning in a sleep
that i'd like to last forever.