It's been years since I've written
Sat down and gave shape
To the words that would come unbidden

I don't have the time
I'm not doing this right
I can't rhyme
Every effort was a fight
A struggle of: I'm
Not good enough

So I kept everything in
All my thoughts and feelings and the mixed up things
But the stopper wore thin
And all the creatures in my head kept clamouring

All the pent up emotions
Every opposing thought
And their little explosions
Forming a new knot
New little poisons
That I can't undo or expel

The words don't come as easily anymore
I'm rusty from disuse
But I'm retaking this floor

My thoughts desire to be loved before they even begin to exist. My mind is made of things I cannot use words to describe. Because I feel thoughts. I do not simply think them. I think in feelings. My thoughts are plagued by emotions bigger than themselves. Let me explain; My thoughts are pure nothings without feelings, however my feelings are more than thoughts, therefore I cannot possibly tell you what I am "thinking" without first conversating with my feelings about what they are thinking. Rather they are not thinking, but they are feeling thoughts.. The feeling thought is called a "fought". All fights end with one final "fought"

I've spent centuries
in this agony
My body changes
but time stays still

All this time I've passed
waiting to be found
like a bird inside a cage,
my feet chained to this ground

I can't keep my monsters at bay
but I can't run away

In the eye of each soul
all I see is fear
and my own still whispers
"I'm not from here"

By now I thought
I'd have more power
But at the end of each day
"it" still devours

Even though there's love in my heart
I still feel like falling apart

Each fight feels like
dark mirrors inside a maze
and all I see in this reflection
is my own empty gaze

My mind is light years
away from this place
Still the only thing that saves me
is your warm embrace

And when it feels like I have no choice
I recognize your voice

I'm so tired of this fight
But your love still keeps me warm
Together, we'll win this battle
Together, we'll breathe through the storm.

Set to the impossible task
Of being yourself
When you have been taught
To have a heart full of mirrors

I am
I was
what would I be
tomorrow?

how would I exactly know?
but if I set the compass
of my heart in the right direction
I won't be lost--I'll somehow endure

It'll be the same me in most measure
but the scenario will not be
if love, faith and charity are with me
it would be a day I'll count happy

then follows the dawn after tomorrow
and I'll again face another day
I'll still stand steadfast and do what I should
I won't be lost and will never turn away.

the art
of moving forward,
or dare I say- on
is the type that is too beautiful
to ever be drawn
acted
or done
the art of moving forward
is the sweetest kind
and if you ever figure it out
please teach me

because art,
  was never my strong suit

This is a farewell song,

The last words that I’ll ever exchange with you.

It’s a goodbye.

The end of everything.


Treat me as a stranger now and I’ll return the favour.

If some day, you run into me,

Do not take pains to smile or say hello, because I won’t return it.

Because a part of me won’t let me smile even if I want to.

Because my veins will tie my hands and stop me to reach for you,

to wave at you,  to embrace you, like I once did.

Because this is the end

It’s a goodbye.


You murdered my existence

There’s a part of me that’s always going to hate you,

A part of me that’s always going to remember you,

And remind me why storms are named after people.