a spark
an idea
enough to find in a fraction
enough to fall in love
a small stroke
in a mural of a person

each tree has a secret
I swear it is true

the way fountains runs red
when the moon is blue

they stared at the veins
exposed on her hands

sweaty palms
sticky lips
ticking time
swollen glands

tricks trickling down alleys
on cobblestone paths
where a lady in black lay
red on her lap

blank stare compress
the distress left to hide
the people all saw
from pale windows inside

screams like white noise
but the people they knew

the trees all have secrets
the people do too

A spectral wasp trapped in a lung, rattling the ribcage with its frantic flight

A dusty projector hosting a viewing of hideously awkward memories

A kiddie pool filled with quicksand

The junk drawer nearly overflowing with tasks, moldy from neglect

A dark cloud in the corner of a sunny day

Anxiety is not...

forever.

The bigot who knows only his bedding
and parades around preaching its threading
the world is not right he ponders so fiercely
he feels it's his duty to make them see clearly

slander so foul
tongue sharp and cruel
hate is a fire
his words are its fuel

you can't listen
it hurts!
you have to defend them
you want to yell back

you just want to end him

but what would come of it?
what would you do?
you try to change him
you're a bigot too.

He asked me then
as we stared at the strawberries
lit in the fluorescent grocery store lighting
adjacent in their plastic coffins
red and ripe
clearly evesdropping

“do you love me?”

I hadn’t ever thought about it before
but I guess I did.

“but are you in love with me?”

their green stems were a reminder of home
their severed ends a scar of the violence they endured
yellow seeds clinged to their polished red bodies
the small taste of bitter to remind you,
nothing can be that sweet all the time

I cocked my head to one side
They had me captivated
I wanted their taste
Their raw delicious flesh

$5.99?

****. Too much.



“No.


                                              I’m not in love with you.”




Oh, thank God.

The blueberries are on sale.

if i focus on numbers the passion it fades. focus on lines and the colors turn gray. how do i balance? i want back my vision! the surge of creative that grants me my wisdom. if i focus on dates, on filling a schedule: i don't smell the flowers or notice their yellow. i don't cry so easy, my shell becomes tougher. i react much quicker, i act like my mother. i think green. i think thin. i clench my fists YOU CAN'T COME IN. i don't want to feel. why do i choose artificial//real?

I gotta give him up
Or I'll wager staying stuck
He decoded me with every touch
Pierced a hole and left it gaping
Cold wind chaffing my insides
God I want just one more ****
But that'll never be enough

colorless words fall from your mouth
like delicately placed-holders
the sound of silence is one that
is too intense for your modest ears,
those which only hear annoyance and desperation
those which dismiss doubt and fear
those which once, but only once
experienced the sound of anger and wrath
but quickly forgot the intensity of pain
how do those ears feel the emotion
ingrained  in cracks on the streets
how do they possible know that
here once someone experienced their
very          last           breath?
if the sounds of gunshots make you deafen
if the cry of a distressed victim weakens your ability
i may excuse your bare back in the storm
but by the dimly lit candle
the shrieking howls of the wind
on the sturdy walls of your shelter
you have no cause
to absorb the destruction
like a minute flick of a lighter

holiday cheer a hallmark fantasy
warm and fuzzy
distant, imaginary
a daytime dream, a sleepy scene
one I’ll never know

But the thought of you
as though a fire crack
lifts the weight from my limbs
I float on your fumes
feel soothed by your moves
living my hallmark fantasy

i don't want this love with you
yet i feel without a choice
you grabbed me from inside
grasped my heart, and stole my voice
i felt your presence fill me, satisfied and full
but you began to push, push, push,
i began to pull....
i don't want your love anymore
i wish i never had
i don't want to be attached
let go my heart
let go my mind
from your heavy grasp

In my dreams
I stumble
wake, to tell my trouble
your presence of shyness
detected in silence
the room vast
air stale
energy weightless
even colors seem pale

My loneliness called
like a fog horn at dusk
your tender touch answered
encompassed with lust

wearing promising lenses
of visions to come
I molded the outcome
this time, didn't run

for what? the purpose
lay dark on the ground
but skepticism fades
with your spirit around

escape with me now
through trees of our youth
bathe in my passion
your scars will be smoothed

long after departure
lie skin bare in the dirt
your eyes will feel heavy
let me sing you alert

if the torture of life
wets your soul with soft tears
remember your promise
and my soul will be near

i stay hungry
so knowledge will feed me
but you stay full
on the tainted process
of contaminated lies
what they feed you in these pages
a rodent wouldn't touch
but you digest it happily
for it smoothes your troubled lines
and everyone knows

lines leave wrinkles

If others have minds
I wanna see inside

What does sea foam green look like ?
How do these eyes take in light ?

I would sit inside a dream at night
And take notes of the worldly sights

If others have minds
I wanna see inside

I would take interest in watching thoughts think
Lyrics aparating while it sings  

If others have minds
I want to see inside

I would see through new eyes
How new eyes see me
I would forgive it for judging

If others have minds
I want to see inside

What are these nerves?
         Just how do they arise?
Where do they grow such hunger
     to eat at my insides?
Maybe the seed of guilt plants them in my feet
I water them with shaky tears, precisely what they need.
Some days they're good at hiding
I forget they're even there
I notice sweet scent flowers
and the taste of thick, crisp air
I'll bask in bliss and glory
join the tides for a quick swim
it's then they'll spring control again
            repent me for my sin

If, I were to find you
a different place
a different time
I, would still be certain
that your hand belongs in mine.

Though if I found myself
and could speak
of winds to come,
I'd back away
to distant space
and never meet my love

for whichever current guides,
or whatever whisper's heard,
it brought me near
far from fear
straight to your backyard

I once was poor
not knowing love
drunk on living free
your eyes found mine
our souls entwined:
I now know how to be.

he comes armed with charm. a smile that commands a return. his shiny cuff links make my lashes blink. slow. fumes of his freshly laundered suit seep out the cracks of my lungs and into my bloodstream. his gaze lays on me like a straightjacket. together we fold the little red flag and tuck it neat in the corner of my subconscious. he pets me, I purr. tonight I’m the special kitten in his litter of *******.

I found a new set of lips!
they talk in a new strange set of ways,
much better than the last I think
at least for the first couple days

in a curious fashion
I lick till its sticky while
it holds its tongue
to hide its fragility

and the corners drop sudden
it has cast my type
my new set has discovered
for certain, I bite

I'd never met a silence quite like yours before.
thrusting itself into my space
it firmly coiled itself around my neck
holding me in place
forcing my restless twitch to lay dormant.

grasping tight, it tilted my head
your direction
demanding me to listen
commanding me to watch

it was not out of fear that I complied
but paralyzing arousal

after a moment or few
it surrendered my neck
for the sole sake of taking it's place
standing between us
a militant glass door
the embattled captain
challenging even my soft quick breaths

but through the thick hush
I could feel the color of your eyes
biting at my workings
awakening my desire

The first tour of a brand new house
Brown leather couches
No scratches
No burns
Not yet paint on the walls
Not yet loss on the floors

No real announcement
Just changes unfolding
Before grief weaved in carpets
And up the crown molding  

Fever Dream
There’s a distant scream
But right now it’s calm
So we float downstream

you ignited this fire
now I get off watching it's fury explode
berserk, fatigued, my arms do the lifting
"more wood on this fire
must keep it burning"
alone in our backyard
forgiveness floats through dark air
offers me peace
offers me rest
the fire pit smolders
ashes of past fires find my soles
I track them into the house
***** footprints on the floor you just mopped

Just a singer in a plaza amplifying song
she’d rather that you listen than loudly sing along
inside her somewhere is an angel’s gift to god
inside her somewhere is a demon drunk on wrong
in that she is mortal
in that she is whole
a singer in a plaza stretching out a note

I found you/ a musical note
in a pond full of static
we made a soundtrack
that no one ever heard
drowned out by sirens
a gap that just widens
you were my unique find
I'd do anything for you
but stay

I don’t know what it is
that pulls me to you
a magnet to my inner soul
I’m growing weak with struggle
you're enticing me to jump all in
I don't want to get my hair wet
I'm terrified that this journey of falling in love
(eyes closed)
makes us blind to the dead end sign, just there down the road
but now the tide is low and calm, you say
I’m coming……
I’ll be there……
I’m wading ever slow….

Why, love?
must distract tasks and chores
my lonely focus jolted me forward
your calming charm now blurs my path
what once was clear, my vision bright
now replaced by your mere sight

If thoughts could form, free from your scent
I would see the time and love loss spent
but so long as your taste lay on my tongue
I will forever choose you as the one

I give you my youth
I give up my dream
Why, love?