currently wishing
my uber driver would shut the **** up for half a minute

I just want to listen
to Joy Division
in silence;
with nothing
but the pressure
of my inescapable apathy

please shut up;
I really don't care
that two children were hit
by a tractor trailer this morning,
only a bit jealous.
I never thought I'd meet
someone as lonely as me,
but the continual conversation
that you regurgitate
proves otherwise.
I wish I could be
taken out
by a tractor trailer -
at this point,
I'll settle for anything.

uh-huh
yeah
really
no way

I feel as though this trip
is a metaphor
for my waking life:
just a blur of scenery
flying by,
while a stranger
makes noises at my depression -
and I just,
uh-huh
yeah
really
no way

I hate how
I hate everything

hate
how lonely I am

how regardless
of who
surrounds me,
        comforts me,
                loves me,
I still feel like I'm alone

welcome to the void

There is girl
who is as beautiful as the sun
has hair the color of autumn
her skin ever so flawless as it was.
Today someone called her a name
I won't even say,
because it's that bad.
She crys her heart out
on the bathroom floor
and I want to comfort her
and tell that she was beautiful
I want to tell her
that I have spent an eternity
praying that she would notice me
but that would have made it obvious I was staring.
You're not supposed to look at girls that way
but I can't help it
because those eyes are the only thing I want see
before I close my eyes to dream of her waking up beside me
Those lips are the only ones I want to be kissing at 2 am
and its storming outside
and she has to cuddle closer to me because she's scared
Those arms I want wrapped around my neck
as I carry her over the bed we share
to make her squirm under my touch
because ******* I love her
She is my everything
but I will never ******* have her
because she insist of dressing her best
to impress the guys
when they will never appreciate her the way that I do
They will never look at her the way that I do  
and as silly as I may sound
I hate her in all that she is
but she is my everything
and I ******* love her.

this manic song
of my feet with your feet
the quest for our names
our bodies without fence
my fingerprints like unburnt stories
on your skin
I have no alibi
you invented my desire

the whale-song of
my shoulder with your shoulder
I'm falling apart in your palms:
I invented your desire
and you have no excuse -
you hold down the night
for the next you, the new me
the unforeseen smile
at the end of the day

my hands protest today
so they become
don’t know how it started
they were filled with air without memory
nowhere to land, no stories attached
to the sleeves
this body is a history of fights,
wandering weeds,
of fists full of laughter

I was once an empty space with time borders
a true self or a void full of ambition
certain patterns disguised in black and white
milk tears


I met my shoulders today
I no longer hide my thoughts in open spaces
or defeather my dreams
my gestures turn into statues
to be seen from afar
I put my spin into the cup of morning
so I could tell today apart from tomorrow
in time’s bone marrow