I don't want to think about you anymore

I can't get the things you said to me out of my head

Please just let me sleep

i believe that a glass is half empty
or half full
depending on which way
the liquid is going
if you fill it halfway
it is half full
if you dump out half
it is half empty

i feel like half of me
has been dumped out
and i can't manage to care
about him or you
all i want to do is hurt myself
"because i probably
have it coming anyway"
and i'm sorry

i know it's a lie
i do care
i care a lot
but i feel so numb
i don't feel care right now
and i'm sorry

and all i want to do
is be drunk
and be touched
and be loved
and i don't know
if it's a good idea
because you are broken and so am i
and i am sorry

and in less than four hours
you will know
exactly how
broken
i am
and i am sorry

i don't think i could ever be interested in the things that you do with your other friends

willingly taking things into your body to cause you to see things that aren't there

do you know what i would give so that i couldn't see the things that aren't there?

i can't be alone at night without the lights on and the doors locked

because i keep seeing them out of the corners of my eyes

help me please help me

i haven't slept

i don't know who i am anymore

why won't you let me focus on you? they disappear as soon as i look their way

why are they here

what do they want

please help me

you get on my last nerve
you never want to talk to me
you tell me i'm your best friend
then you completely ******* off
for someone better

i really want to hate you
we've been friends for too long
but you never notice when i'm angry
you don't care when i'm upset
you're not there when i need you

but oh god
when you're drunk
off of tequila sunrise
and i'm drunk
off of a margarita
i love the way you want me

i want my perfume
to be your
favorite
smell

i want you
to hold me
closer
than you've ever
held anyone

i wish you
were here
to tell me
i will be
okay

you said you couldn't
fall in love

did you mean
with me
or someone else?

i would like to think there's
some kind of hope
some kind of light
some kind of love
that we can share
when we are less
broken

i don't want to fix you
but maybe
i can help you
to pick up the pieces
and buy the glue
that i know will work
because i have
used it
before

"you're a sad girl
a man's achilles heel"


it doesn't help.

i put the things
you gave me
at the top
of my closet

so i don't have to look
so i don't have to think

i don't love you anymore

(i'm sorry i broke it)

i miss
         the smell of your hair
         the texture of your skin
         your arms around my waist
         the music you would play
         the comfort of your bed
         your hand on my thigh
         the safety in your eyes
         the cupcakes on my porch
         your slightly curved spine
         the way you shout my name
         the way you text me where i am
         your fingers around my neck
         the bruises on my ribs
         the pain in my shoulders
         your fists against my skin