The crackle of the thunder
is a constant reminder
that you're not by my side.
I hear the rain fall,
and I see the lightning strike;
you're hiding in plain sight.
I wonder if you're laying there
thinking of me
as I am of you, tonight.
I'm supposed to be
the one who holds you
and keeps you safe
with all my might.
But you're next to someone
else
instead:
I hope those arms
are holding you
tight.

You asked me to hold you on nights like this
when the rain comes pouring down.
But I'm left here holding these blankets now;
you left without a sound.
And please tell me how
I'm supposed to smile
knowing you're in
someone else's arms.
You should be snuggled up next to me -
*I should be the one
keeping you warm.

You know
when something bad happens
you immediately think of
that one person
that you wish you could
run to
and tell them all about it?

Or if something
Amazing happens
and you just
want to tell
that same person
what just made your life
so much better?

*You were that person for me.

It's 1 am
and I'm laying here,
wide awake,
clininging onto
thoughts of you and
the words you once said.

It's crazy, isn't it,
how a month can fly by
& simultaneously feel
like forever.

It's a whirlwind,
that's what it is.

A tornado of words:

I miss you,
Hold me,
I wish you were
here..

Except
I can't
hold you,
or be there
and for that,
I am so sorry.

But believe me when I say
that I miss you.

Because for now,
words are all I have.

Hey, Gram.
It's been awhile.
Do you miss us down here?
I miss your smile.
Can you believe it's already been nine years?
Me neither,
but there's been a whole lot of good times,
and a whole lot of tears.

I find myself wishing I could hear your
laugh, or even just your voice
one more time..
at least inside my mind,
it doesn't seem like you're gone.

I thought I'd just write you a little letter
to let you know you're still so loved
and though it's gotten a little better,
I sometimes wish you weren't
waiting up above,
but still down here with us.

That's just me being selfish,
but our little family is growing.
I'm sure you've seen G
and how big she's getting.
Gram, you'd love her so much,
she has your eyes.

And Chrissy's getting married,
I promise you'd love Monica, too.
She makes all of us laugh so much -
something you used to do.

But it's time for me to sign off here
and stop before I cry,
cause God knows
I always get a little choked up
whenever you cross my mind.

I wish you were here,
I love you,
and I miss you every day.

Love,
Your Punka-doodle-do
Forever & Always

Don't give me dreams of holding her
when she's far from within my reach.
Don't let me dream of her lips
when she's so far away from me.
And don't give me dreams of her legs
intertwining with mine.
Please don't ask me how I'm doing,
cause I'll swear I'm doing just fine.
I can't have dreams of her looking at me
when I lie down and close my eyes.
I can't fathom a life without her
but all I have now are
sleepless lullabies.

You tell me you have a confession,
You say that you can't lie.
You'd think I'd learn my lesson
from the last time I caught butterflies.

You say you're being selfish,
and I stay watching from the sidelines.
I only got that first kiss -
you never really were mine.

So tell me,
How can you miss something
that was never, ever yours?
I can't stand by and watch you;
I can't hold on anymore.

How can you be "friends" with someone
when you never were just friends?
I knew this would never fare well for either of us,
I knew that this was how it would end.

But I can't help my heart
when it misses you
or that I see you still
when I close my eyes.
I can't help my longing,
or my wistful wishing
for your hand when it finds mine.

But my wishes, they're purely ghosts
of moments that never were.
I almost had you, but -
I lost you,
because 'almost'.. isn't enough.

It's better
that I don't hear your voice
every single night
Anymore.
Because when I do
Finally
hear it after
months,
It's as if you
called me up
just to say
Goodnight
one more time.

And *it's better
that we don't see each other
nearly as often
as we used to -
because
Every
Single
Time
I reminisce
on what we used to do.

And now?
Nothing's changed.
All I (still) want
*is you.