Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
It goes down like
The ice-cold tendrils of hell's deepest level
Are clawing at the slick walls
Of my tight throat.
A stone the weight of a mammoth
Settles in the pit of my stomach.
And the edges of my vision
Darken until it's just a pinprick.
Hands trembling.
Heart hammering.
Legs unsteady and ready
To collapse and fail me.
It's coming and I can't stop it.
I can never stop it.
All I can do is endure.

How many more things
Must I longsuffer?
How many more times
Can my heart break
Before the putting back together
Is worth far less than
The staying broken?
I don't know how much more
I have in me to just breathe again.
This pain, this migraine,
Is just the symptom of
Something more
Unbearable.
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
I wonder what you'd say if you could see me now.
If we passed on the street, would you recognize me?
Because
I made something of myself, you know?
I hold down a great job.
My coworkers love me.
People respect me because I'm good at what I do.
People respect me because I'm a good friend.
People respect me because I respect them.
I made something of myself, you know?
I pay my rent and bills and insurance
On time with the money I earn by hard work,
And hell, I'm proud of me.
I made something of myself, you know?
Made a few friends along the road
And communication keeps us staying that way.
They know where I stand
And they're proud of me too.
I made something of myself, you know?
I guess you really don't.
It's been years since you've picked up the phone
To ask me how I am,
To see what I've done,
To learn what kind of person I'm become,
To behold the woman I have grown into.
I've made something of myself, you see.
And it just plain *****
That you refuse to be
A mother to me.
I don't need you to coddle,
To hand-hold or problem-solve.
I just need you to be
My mom.
I'm grown, I'm adulting, I'm fine.
But, don't you wish you knew me now
Instead of just the me when I was a kid?
Don't you wish you could see
The person I've grown to be?
Would you ever be proud of me?
I guess I'll never know.
But before I go,
Thanks.
Really.
You may not be the best role model or mom,
But I am who I am today
Because *I chose to be.
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
Pulsing beneath
My skin
Is a heartbeat
That pendulums
From anxious to placid
And more often than not
Doesn't know the meaning
Of steady.
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
Left for dead
In a dumpster
But not dead
Still one breath left

A gentle hand
Saved my body
And gentle words
Healed
The hidden wounds

A nameless face
You chose to stay
Never giving in
To my demands
Of "Who the hell are you?"
Until you knew I'd be ok
And left without
Another word

A nameless face
But I will find you
And one day
I will thank you.
We all have been cast out
Into a dumpster in life
And been pulled out
By a random act of kindness
And put back in a proper place:
A place we can thrive.
And I for one am surely thankful.
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
We sat neath the stars
Until our view was marred
By a layer of clouds
Bringing rain.

We jumped in your truck
In the attempt to duck
Out of sheets of water
And thunder.

It was cozy inside
With you by my thigh
Warming me straight
To the heart.

But it's cold tonight
As I try to hide
In my car as it rains
Outside.

Where rain falls
Your memories follow
And I find
I'm all alone.
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
Today I'd like you to raise your glass
For I've someone I'd like to toast.

Her hair curls like a corkscrew
And I've always been envious.
Exotic beauty shapes her eyes
And ears and lips and nose,
And I always wished I looked like her.
It isn't merely her looks I covet,
For she has a brain with intellect
That rivals the best rhetorician
From Plato to Hobbes to Sartre.
Pick any topic and she'll begin to debate
With practiced ease
Until the other's hand is thrown up
In plain defeat.
But it isn't just her forensic skills
That I wish to possess.
There is yet more to this curl topped girl.
Her heart is bigger than the world.
She loves with compassion
And sympathy
Like I've never witnessed before.
This is what I envy and covet the most,
For where her heart of gold lies,
Mirrored in me is just stone.

She may be younger in years
But she's always been a hero of mine.
And I hope I will continue to be in awe
As she shows the world
Who we all can strive to become.

To my sister.
Sláinte
Alyanne Cooper Aug 2015
It looms
And yet I refuse
To lose
This fight
To it.

It advances
And I stand firm
In resolve
To showdown
This bully.

It begins
Its acrid attack
And my lungs seize
But my will pleads
For my strength
To be enough

To endure
Yet another
Panic attack

And thus
Come out
The victor.

It may come
And come again,
But I will be here
'Til the end
To show it
I may not be immune
But I am not afraid.
Next page