Fear the day fear leaves you,
'Cause when that day comes,
You know you're saved.
A wise man once told me,
"Child, be your own fear."
Now, it made sense,
'Cause that hermit who whispered,
Was a voice from within.

To type or not to type?
I don't really care.
Pretty think I'm stuck.
Just a little varied now.

It is a clear sight,
Of the truth and dares,
By any luck,
Treating this a competition, how?

This is the first, oh yeah.
I got to change the role.
From this to that,
How tables turned.

Fan it a million, baby,
But we both know,
To the cup,
The ice I own.

When a Philosopher thinks,
He does not only think.
No overthinking either,
'Cause that is an impossibility for a King.

He reaches depths of desire and trenches of tranquility;
peaks of pessimism and heights of hallucinations.

He remembers his childhood, and the years that has passed after that.
He remembers today.
He remembers tomorrow.

When a Philosopher thinks,
Only two things can happen,
Like the yin and the yang,
He either lives to die,
Or dies to learn how to live.

There's something about this rain.

There's water.
Not any other water.

They come from homes,
rooms, streets, anywhere.

This is what I need for the solitude;
For a man still burning like a church on fire.

I can feel my tooth aching,
Moreover, I can't deny the feeling.
It is round, indeed, it is.
Re-, re-;

How horrible would it be?
Clearly, you choose not to see,
You know he's your fixer,
But he knows he can't fix you.
NV~

Like a man who smelled the smoke,
From a teenager inside the lift,
While he has quit several years ago,
He gave in.
And maybe we have to say what is true,
That, indeed, is impossible to believe,
Incredibly stupid and foolish but,
I am still in love with you.
Each new sight is a birth;
I give in.

It'll break you,
Now, today, tomorrow.
Different characters,
But always a similar story.
Again.
And again.
Always.
Yet,
Always try to escape.
Done with the necessary first step.
Liquid luck won't always be there.
'Now, you're an ambassador.
Liaison connecting yourself
To the cosmos of happiness out there.

Then you say,
"I wanna be happy;
I'm ready to be."
Then you try.
Heart beats faster,
Mind trying to cancel out games.
Walking through broken glass,
Carefully,
Still trying not to make a sound,
Tiptoeing.
You'ren't sure,
You don't care.
'Cause now,
"You want to be happy;
You're ready to be."

The fundamental problem is that we learned how to be silent.
We knew and we have chosen to be really quiet.
Everyone thinks that it is the best course of action,
Living in a wold of delusions where inaction is solution.

We say the problem is that we understand,
Or do we just complicate simple matters to make wisdom our brand?
The constant ideas of 'I', them, it, this, and Other,
Would've and could've but didn't make things better.

How sure are we that there is an end?
What certainties do we have for us to know this will mend?
We stare at darkness almost a third of the day,
Perhaps, nothingness and emptiness is our only known way.

And when everyone's gone,
All lights are out,
You close your eyes,
And the overthinking starts.
You wish it'll be done,
All you want to do is shout,
Amidst the deafening silence you realize,
The emptiness still hurts, halts.

Inward you know it's messed up.

Alone, you do things.
More often becomes most often.

Seeking the truth, you'll realize.
An ounce of tear won't suffice.
Dealing with it, you wish you know how.

It was black and white,
From yesterday, the same sight.
Those piercing eyes,
That genuine smile.

Is it a possibility?
Or even a close probability?
Will we bump?
For a while, we'll stop.

I don't even know,
If I'd still let this flow.
I know I want to continue,
But the source drops few.

And so, I've been told,
Why keep doing it?
Why keep saying these things?
But the problem is,
They created an idea,
High in a pedestal
You can't even reach.
Live with it.
Defend it.
No worries,
I cloak my anxiety --
With indifference and reserved chatter.

And so it happened.
Yup. Will never be that.
Weird voices.
Familiar yet strange.
This never happened.

Marahil ay yun nga,
Bagay na dapat ay batid na,
Mahilig ka sa pinagmumukha
Kang tanga.
Di ito drama pagkat ito'y
Tuwa.
Sa dami ng salita ko'y
May nagpapatahimik bigla.
Saan ka, Tata?
Saan ka, ligaya?

Safe to assume there're infinite number of lines,
Although illogical, 'twas the conclusion of that time.
Then I fool myself,
Or was I accepting the Truth,
Validating past instances,
that
This's just another phase.

How different would it be?
If you had a person to call?
Wanting you not to sleep,
Til the moons fall.
Rovers exploring earth,
Contact that's ecstatic.
Warmth you'll get at birth,
Til fall your eyes mimic.

And so the 1059
days
that. ended.
Woke you up
Intertwined,
Kissing your pillow.
Shall it
.
v
...
?

Opened the pandora's box
Yet
Again.
This time I know I will be Stronger.
Aggression,
Assertion.
tbc

I saw his eyes.
Dark and mad.
Then a glimpse of you.
With your awkward smile.
If I want,
I can
But,
Would I?
One thing is certain,
You taught me,
That maybe,
Indeed,
it
Is a process.

The Civil Wars was on,
And I remembered them heroes.
They danced at the end of love.
Cerulean and crimson circulated.
Excitement; not fear.
Then I saw them bright.
Buildings. Varying.
Length. Everything.
They do know.
For those who understand;
They do understand.
Looked at the moon.
Clouds by passed.
The moon's still there.
Everything is.
You were here.
Even if I haven't met you.

Blame it on the movies, I guess.
What was fed to us when we were young.
Good to know, things're present from both ends,
Conflict and culture circled our tongue.
We see others and we wonder,
How could their lives be perfect in total?
'Til we realize everyone's the same -- we all shatter,
No one, actually, ever feels normal.

If anything,
An affirmation, a validation.
Varying degrees,
Differing simlarities, similar differences.
That sense,
Of humor, of grief.
All these put you to bed,
To sleep, to wake.

"I actually like you," she said.
"Trust your instincts," he said.
"No."
One year after.
Another one passed.
"Yes."
A little too late.

'Cause we never talked past 2 a.m.
When words were deeper; and
Emotions truer.
Maybe it's because of who I am.
For I didn't know better; and
Afraid for my glasses to shatter.
It might be because of shame.
That left me on the end bitter; and
Life in a room so much darker.
I wish we are the same.
Afraid that we turned into waiter; and
Hoping we could make each other feel lighter.
I'd find comfort in that delusional game.
Pretending I'm more than a brother; and
You're a worthwhile partner.

Regret and death are friends.
The first varies while the latter's constant.
They both approach you when it's the end,
Be sure the first's worth it, 'cause changing it, you can't.

Regrets are, I guess, part of our lives.
No one can actually escape.
Dialectics may not really thrive,
But illusions of choices come in various shapes.
The only question that your mind feasts,
Which ones are you prepared,
That you know would hurt the least,
When you speak of which on your deathbed.

Dip in motivation,
Solved by ounces of hallucination.
Entering the void,
Keeping oneself from being toyed.
Wake up! Wake up!
From within you resist the tap.
But you know for yourself,
The instability of your mind-shelf.
The sooner you accept solitude,
The quicker you know you're doomed.
Without them, you can't be happy,
Trust me; you'll never be free.

Disappointments, aren't we all?
A few rise less than all our fall.
To him,
To her,
To them,
To everybody!

But they all are to you as well!
This life we call is a mere circle.
He hurts you,
She hurts you,
They hurt you,
You hurt you.

Jack of all trades,
Master of none.
Strong, loud voice,
Something! A must have one!
Courage? Yes.
How about fear?
No. None of that.
You are special!;
                yet,
Always the choice,
                but,
Never the option.
                ;

When I was five, I ate rice with raw egg.
Sit on the rusty, yellow and blue swing.
Play lego and compete for the king,
Ride and reach home before lunch's eaten.

Seven to twelve were kinda tough,
Series of confusions, choices, and circles.
But you managed to pull through,
Since you're sure what's ahead of you.

Thirteen to sixteen you'll meet her,
And the world becomes really colorful.
But blends aren't always that beautiful,
Might end up red or worse some blue.

Seventeen to twenty you shape up,
Let it all in for the last hurrah.
You'll go out to be different,
From now, things will be uncertain.

Twenty-one and I'm still figuring it out,
But that's okay what I hear people shout,
I am desperate as hell,
I need some new normal.

You don't tell him he'll be alone.
He isn't afraid.
Remember when you had your Caffè Americano?
Stills without milk nor sugar.
That engagement ring?
Always silver without that shining.
He met a lot.
They had a lot.
But together,
Can stand alone.

For the past days, I've been talking to the moon.
I have asked her, "Oh dear, how soon?"
Free me from my chains, free me from my home,
Allow me again to wander, allow me to roam.

But the other end of the escape has been little scary,
Thinking about it just makes me worry.
Even the supposed sunrise I may meet,
Became a sunset blinding the ways of my feet.

The day I have feared has come,
No more place to call home, I'm done.
Both ends have become really thought prisons,
I see my end with the hue of crimson.

On your own, you think you are,
Your mind travels so, so far.
But you don't know which way to go,
Peace of mind, you're just begging so.

Every flip means death,
A burial you set yourself.
There's no escaping hatred,
Just smile, put on a show, and pretend.

I had a lot on my mind,
But I only managed, "Your call."
She said, "Okay,"
But she wanted to say more.
You're both filled with words you didn't utter.
You were both mad deep within.

          He said, "What made you like me?"
          You responded, "I don't."
          You know you were lying,
          But you didn't do a thing.
          You parted ways and nothing started.

Why do we say the things we hate?
Why do we appear mad when we aren't?
Why do we sound furious when
We wished to be comforting?
Why did matter and manner go different lanes?

          We should escape this cycle
          And try to question ourselves.
          Why do we hurt each other,
          When love, as we know,
          Is our only way?

Inside our house, there's a chamber of escape,
Across that room is the bag of sins.
It contains the element of earth and fire.
Each night I enter the chamber and allow water to surge.
I sit on the porcelain throne.
This room taught me how to bend air and escape.
I re-enter the house and look at the box of wonder,
And this box takes me to places.
Be warned for this will make you distant.
Such art messes with the mind.
Sometimes, a ride will be provided,
This is when I go to familiar places and bend some air outside.
For now I need these,

But I dream of a day when everything will cease to exist.

Then you check if they're asleep,
Sneak at the wash room,
Check if you made it right,
Damps some towel and looks for some holes,
Then you light it up.
As it gets to you, you hear them,
You know they're not there.
You just hear them.
And you realize when you go to bed,
Hearing the noise of the air-conditioner,
Your eyes adjusting to the darkness,
You see your pillow just the way you want it.
But no one can deny,
Your home is nowhere.
Not here, definitely not there.

                                                         ­           You just grew apart.

'Twas foolish of me to want more,
I knew that that was just what you wanted.
It has been a craving I'm looking for,
Everytime I see my pillow, my bed.

I wake up with this imagination,
That my arms are wrapped around you,
In this world, we have one vision,
To share something that goes through.

I remember how you took off your glasses,
Placed them on the desk and sat beside me.
We'd talk and go to our mind palaces,
Every detail, yes, we do see.

The way you moved the sheets,
The feel of your feet.
My skin against yours,
We're awake until four.

The first touch's innocence,
Those moments of awkwardness,
I enjoyed every minute of it,
They're something I wanna repeat.

But you feel otherwise.
Not for you, you think.
Last moments to see your eyes,
And imprison what I feel in every ink.

Now every waking moment is hell,
Knowing you won't be there.
No one can bother tell,
If this pain'll last forever.

I open my eyes and kiss my pillow,
Grab my sheets to feel warm,
The void within remains hollow,
Longing for you and your arms.

We might be known for our glorified past,
How we went out and played real games outside.
And then time just flew so fast,
There are a lot of things, now, we can’t ride.

We grew up knowing society had rules.
TV said to study, go to college, and live happily.
But what unfolded before us is kinda rude,
A painful slap of some dose of a new bossoming reality.

As every generation may argue,
Ours may claim to be really confused.
Memories of bike rides and skies of different hues,
Rapidly changed by virtual abuse.

We still try to live authentic though,
Thinking wishfully that we can escape the Net.
Go to places, do things, go back and forth,
Brushing off every little regret.

But who’re we actually fooling?
The Net is inescapable,
Lose interconnectedness and you’ll cease existing,
A feeling that is plain horrible.

We’ll figure this out someday,
That’s what we tell ourselves,
But as we live each day,
We acknowledge that a little help wouldn’t hurt.

Disoras na naman ng gabi,
At ‘di ko alam kung saan ako aabutin ng kahangalang ito.
Andaming sabi-sabi sa mga tabi-tabi,
At naisipan kong isulat ang ilan sa mga ‘to.

Kung mabasa ito ng iba kong kakilala,
Siguradong pagti-tripan ako ng mga tangina.
Pero ayos lang, ano pa bang mawawala?
Sanay na ako’t sobrang kapal na ng aking mukha.

Nais ko lamang ibahagi ang isang kwento,
At marining kung ito’y naranasan na din ba ng iba.
Pagkat sa ikot ng ating mundo,
Ang kwentong magkapareho’y anong ginhawa.

Hayskul ako noon nang una kong masabi na, “Shet, gusto kita.”
Ano pang mga ka-kornihan ang ginawa ko’t sumulat ng tula.
Napainom pa ako ng energy drink para lang masabi,
Na sa tuwing nakikita kita’y abot langit naang aking ngiti.

Ngunit ayun lamang at ako’y ‘di pinalad.
Sa mga rasong tila dapat ay batid ko naman.
Paano nga ba ang sarili’y mailalakad,
Kung sa mga simpleng salop ako’y walang mailaman.

Naging mabuti naman pagkat ika’y minahal ng isang tunay na kaibigan,
‘Wag niyo na lamang akong imbitahan sa inyong kasal.
Sa ngayo’y ang alaala na ito’y dumaraan na lamang,
Tuwing napag-iisa’t ubod ng pagal.

Limang taon ang nalipas at muli kong sinubukan,
Sa ibang babae naman binuksan ang kalooban.
Akala ko ay pwede na,
Ngunit, puta, ‘di rin pala.

Ang hirap mo maging kaibigan,
Lahat ng tao sa paligid mo’y ako’y sinisiraan.
Batid kong may pagkakaiba ang ikot ng ating kaisipan,
Ngunit inakala kong posible ang pagkakasunduan.

‘Di ako ng tipo ng madalas magkagusto,
Lalo na din siguro sa mga pangyayaring nasulat rito.
Tingin man ng iba’y dapat maataas ang aking tiwala sa sarili,
Mga taong ‘may kaya niyan’ ay sadiyang pili.

Sa totoo lang, marami akong ayaw sa sarili ko,
Kaya’t malalim na takot ang nararamdaman ko.
Kahit na sabihin ng iba noon na gusto nila ako,
Dagli kong iisiping, “Sino niloloko mo?”

Nanay ko lang tumawag sa aking gwapo,
At sa mga manininda at drayber ko lang narinig ang, “Uy, pogi!”
Ngunit sa katotohanan pala’y iba-iba talaga ang pagtingin ng tao,
At minsa’y may mga tunay sa magkakagusto sa’yong mga ngiti.

May mga lumapit na rin,
Babae at lalaki, nagparamdam ng pagtingin.
Ngunit ayaw ko ring lokohin sila at ang aking sarili,
Kung ‘di naman tunay ang magiging pagpili.

Kaya siguro ako tumatandang ganito,
Malakas ang loob at mukhang masungit,
Dahil sa loob ng 20 taon ay kinaya ko ang sarili ko,
Mag-isa akong bumabangon at pumipikit.

Kinaya kong mamuhay ng mag-isa,
Kaya mahirap hanapan ng lugar ang para pa sa iba.
Ngunit ‘di tayo nawawalan ng pag-asa,
Na merong ‘siya’ na darating nga.

Andami nating hinarap na mga problema,
Iniyakan ‘to, uminom dahil dun at kung anu-ano pa.
Ngunit kung iisipin, masa madali **** malalampasan yan,
Kung may isang taong tunay kang pakikinggan.

Sa lahat ng ‘di buong nabiktima ni kupido,
Na sa’yo lamang lumipad ang palaso,
‘Wag kang bibitiw kapatid ko,
Ang araw ng iyong kasiyahan at ligaya’y pinapangako ko.

Patuloy na managarap at managinip,
Tadhana’y nariyan at unti-unting sisilip.
Malay mo bukas paggising mo,
Kayakap mo na ang taong pinapangarap mo.

You’ve always thought that you’ve bled for what is noble,
That what you have done is for the grander goal.
But you know and acknowledge, deep down, yourself,
That these things are also matters that for you could be of help.

You’ve always thought that happiness circled around the concept of choice,
A way of thinking that others, too, have always voiced.
But you know, we know, that this is some form of a fallacy,
A piece of wisdom we share for I am We.

Happiness might actually be a choice on the surface,
But the ‘illusion’ and quantity isn’t the only problem that we face.
The very concept of framing two things as oppositions to the same goal is problematic,
An idea that is now becoming to be apparently synthetic.

But maybe these are tribulations of those who want to meet halfway,
Those who would want to strike the balance through careful weighs.
A tough thing to arrive at, that’s for sure,
But we believe that’s we’ve always been built to find the cure.

You know you want to give more,
Yet you’re aware you’ve given it all.
You try to search for something else,
Yet even that, you’ve got none, not just less.

In a constant desire to inspire,
I acknowledge, now I need some things so dire,
Inward you ask yourself,
Introspection leads to a conclusion you need help.

Never give up, that’s what you know,
Not for yourself alone, that’s how you go,
Nice things you’ve always done,
Nature’s way made it all gone.

You need some form of balance,
A way to replenish and give yourself a stance.
Now, you’ll try to look for something new,
Give yourself; something fresh you need to do.

You’ve stood your ground all your life,
You’ve dug graves that goes too deep.
A momentary bow from the fight,
In order for yourself to keep.

What little of what remains,
Visions, faith and hope,
They shall remain in the veins,
But now they need to cope.

You’ll never die for reasons you wouldn’t know,
Yours will remain intact even after the glow.
Let the initial curtains bow low,
You’re in it for an even better sequel of the show.

Everybody's looking for something,
Probably a person or maybe just some feeling.
Everyone yearns, aspires, and hopes,
Holding on to their fictitious ropes.

We try to find it somewhere,
Look here, look there, look almost everywhere.
But maybe we've been actually missing,
Can't seem to find a thing.

For the longest time, it's been nothing,
And this is not changing,
'Cause we have to admit, that yes,
We're looking for it at the wrong places.

I never had those red fights caused by small stuff.
Neither did I experience those orange walks by the sea.
I never woke up to yellow sunrise next to anyone.
Not even a green stroll around one's favorite garden.
I wish I had known how to turn one's blues during late night calls.
And turn them to indigo fantasies at once.
And make one's violet eyes brighter.

I only know of a sea of grey.
A bit of white and an ocean of black.
I feel comfort in my own spot of darkness.
Fearing any inch of light will cause a mess.
There were two or three who tried to pull me out,
But I refused for I did not understand.
For now I shall stay where I am,
And feel the make-believe comfort I have made.

I told myself that I'd be indifferent.
But you did it again -- your thing.
Mixed signals, I think, were sent,
Confused, now I'm thinking.

Dreamt of you that night,
I wish it were real, oh please.
I'd **** for another sight,
The fool that I am, myself I tease.

The courage that I get as I close my eyes,
Are waiting to be actualized.
Believe me, I am quite shy,
Give me a signal and I'd let it fly.

Then I saw you.
Amidst the sea of faces,
Drowned further by the noise.
You were there, trying to smile.
We mirror each other.
Pretended to look around but only looking for our eyes.
I smiled.
You did, too.
It's sad 'cause it won't happen.
I'm sad we didn't make it happen.

We have never been so connected.
Humanity has never been this accepting.
Indeed, we are moving forward.
But isn't it ironic?
That in this age of openness,
It is considered wiser not to show care.
That caring is something miraculous.
Almost.
We almost did it.
We almost showed passion.
We almost cared.
We almost loved.
We.
Almost.
Made it.
Almost. But never enough.
Yes, now, we value honesty but we always forget that not saying what we really want to say is the opposite of what we uphold.
This is not honesty.
This is far from the truth.
We are lying.
We've been lying to ourselves.
Hypocrites.
Casualties.
We end up faking our deaths,
Eternally uncertain what could've happened if veered away from life's
What if's.

I have chosen to stare at a blank space.
Something that I usually do.
The feeling isn't that different,
The emptiness still remains true.
For the years of my existence,
I have always searched for life's essence.
I thought I found it in two,
But to that, I failed miserably, too.
I yearn for someone.
Someone I could talk to..
About everything, anything actually.
Someone who'll provide good conversation.
Good conversation -- that's what I've always admired.
Someone who will listen.
One who'll just stare at me.
With pure silence, one who will understand.
While some have tried to be that person,
I can't let them.
They are not just that person.
Fear.
I don't want to waste either of our time figuring things out.
Trying if it'll work.
That's why I've spared them and myself the problem.
My liking is of singular preference.
That unique factor I can't fathom.
I want someone to hug me every morning.
Someone who'll fool me as I go to sleep and tell me that things will be okay.
I am full of love.
And I want to share this.
Share this with someone not necessarily special,
No, I'm not looking for that.
Someone who'll undestand is enough.

Always this, but never that.
Comparisons made at.
It'll never overlap,
An eternal void, infinite gap.

Whatever gold I have,
Falls short of what I want.
Am I ungrateful or what?
I just want this to shut.

An innocent question, I have
I wonder if a time has passed,
If in your mind you had,
An idea of me that dashed.

I guess I'll never stop,
Having your thoughts inside.
To empty faith, I'll hop,
Lose myself, lose my guide.