I thought we were fine...
I don't understand...
Why are you leaving?

I have to start over again...
I have to try and connect again...

Where do I go from here?
I don't want to start again

I hate him
I hate him
And you know what else....
I hate him!

I waited
I was patient
I was there everytime he called
I made him laugh after not wanting to
I made him comfortable after the wreck
I opened myself up to him
I let him treat me as if we were in love
I told him my feelings had surpassed
I waited
I gave him space
I tried

He lied
He changed his mind
He found something "better"
He droped me flat on my face
After I was on a cloud of enjoyment
And now he cries to me

He comes back when things are wrong
He talks to me when he is stressed
He jokes about seeing me soon

But he's still not mine
I am forgotten and unwanted
I am alone
While he thrives with her
After I put in the work
He still choose her

And I will always be pushed away
I will still be in pain
I will still crave him
I will still be alone

If I just let my mind wander
It brings a sense of peace in a time full of chaos
It is the end of the semester and big projects are becoming eminent
But here I am
Have not begun to start on them
Need rough drafts due next week but
Don’t know where to even start
If i ask for help will I be looked down on?
Probably not
But why is it so hard to ask for help
Is it because I’ve always had to be self-reliant?
At one point does someone learn to ask for help
The problem being I don’t even know what I need help with
Thoughts of ending life are at the back of my mind
But I have so much I can learn still
How do you quiet down the voices in your head
Maybe there is a reason that
I need to ask for help
How did I get here?
So far behind in everything feeling inadequate
Wondering if there is a place to rebuild myself
Would talking to a counselor help?
Honestly what can they do besides tell me to stop
Stop working so much
Focus on school
It’s not that easy
I need a living to survive
I need income to maintain
Maintain my bills
My accounts are all at zero
Zero how I feel about myself

I’m not sure if i’m broken enough yet
I’m not sure if i can take this pain anymore
Is it ok that i want to quit?
Is it ok that i am past my breaking point?

What is freedom
Is it actually when you have the ability to be alone?
Is it where you have time to breath?
Why can’t you see it

All i want to do is sleep
All i want is to be done
Would a blade help
No
I don’t need that anymore
Im passed that
No more scars on my wrist…
Legs..
Or hips..
Only a few have seen the scars i’ve left on me

Is it ok to cry
No no crying no time for that
What about breathing normally
Nope get back to work
Can i run away and hide
No need to focus just focus

Does anyone understand
This internal battle
Surviving and living are they the same thing
Does not feel like it is

Just 5 min
No stay awake
Keep moving
You’re not good enough
Keep going

Just a quick breath
No you’re not fast enough
Go faster
Stop tripping
Keep going

I can’t
There’s no excuses
Keep moving
You’re not enough
You will never be enough

I don't understand
How can I still feel like this
I thought I was over you
I've been fighting to get over you

You are like my best friend
All I want is to be in your arms again
But I can't
I think you're moving on

And Everytime I see you communicating
with those other people
I die a lot inside
I'm hurting and wish I was able to just
Disappear

I miss you
I miss the connection
Without it
I feel like I can't breath

You were... (are)
All I wanted.... (want)
Why did you have to end it
We didn't even have a fight

You just ended it
and left me

Struggling for air
Needing a new home
Unprotected
Hurting

Come back to me
Please
I need you
Even though you don't
Need.... (want) me anymore

Every scar has a story
Every drop of ink has a purpose
I don't find them repulsive
They deserve pride

I earned every scar
I inflicted some
And others we're created

The hours under a needle
Worth every second
My tattoo all have meanings
They may not be apparent to you
But they are to me

I have a ***** in my armour
Maybe more than one
But
I never said I was perfect

If you ask me
I'm a basket case
Certifiably insane
But every scar has a story
And very ounce of ink
Was worth trying to tell
My story

For two years I studied
For two years I tried so hard
Yet here I am unable to
Even understand
The most basic questions
I did try I really did but
In he end that wasn't good enough

Maybe it was my teachers
Maybe I should have gotten a tutor
How can I get absolutely  
Zero on a French quiz

I can speak it but not read it
That doesn't make any sense
I can ask for the simplest things but not write them

I can't believe it
Granted this isn't my first failure

Puppy kisses sweet and meaningful
They are full of love
Never are they brutal
Or harmful
They don't break your heart
They are like sunshine

No judgment shows in their eyes
No hate flows from their mouths
They cuddle you even when you don't want it
They are there when your walls break down
And you can barely gasp for air

Even if you are mad at them
They still make you smile and feel wanted
I do not believe that any human can make you feel
The way a puppy does

Nothing smells like puppy breath
There are no words to describe
The smell at that age
It smells like sunshine on a cloudy day

Tell me I'm pretty
Tell me I'm cute
Tell me I'm beautiful

Yes I know I am none of these things
It is nice to hear though
I will try my best to be
However being pretty is never been of a use to me

Compliments are nice
But they have never been my forte
I don't have the ability to trust where these compliments come from
Because to me being complimented is just another way
To get something I do not posess