I crave tall buildings that touch the sky,
and crowded streets filled with people on their way to their destinations.

But I also long for the openness of land and fresh air. Freedom and solitude. The quietness of a cool brisk morning.

my greatest fear
is mother and father
reading my journals

see through lines
deliberately unreadable

because i write the unthinkable
     'i might not marry someday'

and the perverse
     'i wonder what's it like to **** this girl'

and the abominable
     Amber is a woman trapped in the wrong body
          and
                        she
                  ­               is
                                     suffocating.

i choke on the silence
because it is woman's role
in Saturday sermons

because i cannot borrow my brother's slippers
     i am not needed outdoors

because when i spoke for the trans waiter with the pained smile
     they blamed my sociology
     and not my compassion

mother and father, bless your souls
i'd rather not have you read this

and believe in the 'i love you's

                               because love is the greatest commandment
                                               *but we spit on the ****

Empty hallways, crowded streets.
I always wanted to grow old,
but I never wanted to grow up.

Why does leaving mean forgetting? I can already feel them all slipping away.

I don't want this to be over
but I've never seen a better ending.

I want you to fall in love, with my mind.
They say that romance is dead.
Aesthetic adoration is too easy to find.
I will dig deeper, doting the components of your head.

I ask that you return the favour.
No need for laboratory lobotomies.
There need not be forced labour.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.

And my mind on my mandibles.
I speak it. Repeat it.
The source inches above my clavicle.
It is replete with ****.

But it has it's moments too.
Though it's subject matter is grey,
a lot rings true,
from this pinkish purée.

I want you to find the harmony,
with my spinal chord.
And say with absolute certainty:
We will never be bored.

The feelings, that from my brain stem,
will be fully frontal.
From my toes to my cerebellum,
I would be yours, in total.

I want to fall in love with your mind.
Invest me in your intellect.
It will take time.
But it's all temporal in introspect.