Every time I walk into the line I can only hope to run into you like I've  done before.
Your smile brightens up my day and
In your conversation I could forever stay.
Will you be my Starbucks lover?
We could grab some coffee and lattes,
talk about our lives and mistakes.

Cause I want to be the peppermint to your mocha, the pumpkin spice to your latte, the caramel to your macchiato.
We could compliment each other.
I just want your sweet company and I'll wait in line patiently.

He doesn’t understand how broken I was.
How I wanted to be somewhere else,
anywhere else.
How I wanted to be someone else,
anyone else.
How I wanted to sleep endlessly because only while being unconscious were things okay.
How I wanted nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
I didn’t even want to be okay.
I just wanted it to be over.

Well, that’s a lie.
I wanted something.
I wanted everyone else to be okay.
I wanted to take away their pain and watch them flourish.
I was torn between thinking it was selfish to leave because someone might miss me
(a remote chance at best though)
and thinking it was selfish to stay and force them to watch me die a little every day.

Everything was torn and fractured and incomprehensible.
I was a vase shattered into tiny pieces and I couldn’t bear to have anyone cut their feet on my rough edges.
What I didn’t realize was that maneuvering around my broken pieces was just as difficult,
just as exhausting.

So I’m trying a little bit harder now.
No;
that’s a lie too.
I’m trying harder than I ever have.
I’m trying to show him what needs to be shown-
the dark pictures that stalk me in my dreams.
I'm trying to voice what needs to be uttered-
the twisted thoughts that haunt my waking hours.
Oh, my perfectly imperfect love,
I am trying.
And I think,
I think I am growing to be so drastically
better
but I am terrified,
almost to the point of paralysis,
to fall again.

I'm dreaming again
I kissed you and you kissed me
We both felt the aftertaste
Of coffee in our mouths

Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.

To the first boy
Who broke my heart
Telling me that cheating
Is really no big deal.

"I forgive you."

To the person who
Wasn't paying attention,
Texting and driving,
Then colliding with me.

"I forgive you."

To the man who thought
It was a good idea
To break my heart,
And his fiancé's too.

"I forgive you."

To the one who said
He loved me,
Yet in public
Wouldn't touch me.

"I forgive you."

To the friend who
Wasn't really a friend,
Pushed himself into me
Without hearing my pleas.

"I forgive you."

To the man who decided
To have *** with her,
Resulting in a pregnancy
That ruined us.

"I forgive you."

To every person
Who has hurt me
In one way or another,
Small or great.

"I forgive you."

To the person who
Can't find it in themselves
To offer forgiveness
Due to overwhelming pain.

"I forgive them for you."

To those who decided
To give this poem a read,
Tell me now if you think
The world is a little brighter.

If not, "I forgive you."

If you cannot find
Love in you, know
"I forgive you"
For the hate in your heart;

For the cold that now
Encases you,
Not permitting that
Forgiveness to take hold;

To love those who
Have hurt us before,
To care because
We all have those days,

To smile and spread
The warmth of love,
To hold someone else
Because you know the ache.

"I forgive you"
For the hate.
"I forgive you"
For the anger.

"I forgive you"
For the lust.
"I forgive you"
For the danger.

Remember to forgive,
We are all the same
Sinners in this hell,
And living in pain.

– billiondays