i'm feeling so sad
but people keep telling me
my life isn't that bad

but i can feel my chest rotting
and my heart is heavy like a rock
it's hard for me to get out of bed
even harder for me to talk

i'm pale and small
and haven't seen the light in ages
i leave my tears on all my journal pages

i'm sad
i'm sad
i'm sad

i want to be okay
but for now
it looks like
the pain is here to stay

i guess they cant tell how broken you are if you dont tell them.

once the thoughts start
you cant stop them
they antagonize you
they push and push and push
until you break

now you're sitting here
blood stains on your shorts
your blade in your palm
you're shaking

they did it again
the thoughts, the hurt you
no
you hurt you

i miss the way my name sounded on your lips
but we havent talked in over 6 months
and you havent loved me in over 2 years
if you ever really did love me, that is
how do i know you were telling the truth
i obsessed over you for months
and you finally said it
you spoke the three words that ruined me
"i love you"
then four months later you stopped
the texts ended
the late night phone calls ceased
i was 13 and you destroyed me
i havent been the same since
i still think about you, you know
you were my rock, my soul, my everything
you stopped me from killing myself
but why?
because of you im dead
so why stop me
why
why
**why

i do not write to please people
i write to escape my tragic reality
for i am living a life that is not my own
i am not myself
and i have not been for some while now
it is hard to remember
who you were before depression

i do not write to please people
i write to escape my own tragic reality
telling me others have it worse
will not make my pain go away
the ache i feel inside me is never ending

i do not write to please people
i write to escape my own tragic reality
repetition makes me feel
e m p t y