They didn't listen when I said I was tired
I said that being different was hard
Because my jeans  don't fit right
My actual genes weren't right

And so I came out in comparison to everything
Already didn't have a father to teach me
The skies will cry if he ever tries to reach me
Not knowing who to trust was something girls my age don't worry about

They're far too happy living oblivious
And I question myself off of this-
How do they possibly not know
That they are all the same person?


Same gloss on smooth Pink lips
Smiling a shark smile that they do like kindness
And they name the rainbow by shades of eyeshadow- as if there wasn't enough color

   Girls like that are happy with the same person for a week
And yet I cannot be happy with myself for a day
Then they switch partners because "Don't  worry he's sooo cute!"
  
  I wonder if they are happier naive
And how hard it will be for them when they realize how the skies are actually smokey black
And they've been looking up through perfect eyelashes- but beauty doesn't last

   It must be nice always being average
With a cover girl to cover you sitting next to you
And manicured nails to scratch your way through life

Nails like strawberry syrup and words like drizzle
Sweet to the core with a hard candy cover
Trying too hard to be everyone's favorite
She tries on wrapper after wrapper to look the best
Taste the sweetest
And sometimes acts a little too sour
Some days her name melts on your tongue
Other days too much of her makes your stomache ache
But too less of her isn't good for your heart
You love her sugar for the rush her stare brings you
You love the feeling cracking her open then drawing her in and biting her lip
Shaking her out by her hips
Keeping her in your pockets
She blows up your self esteem then
You pop it between your teeth and wrap her around your finger
You can't  get enough of her
But once you've had your fix..what would you do with a girl like that?

Curling up in the corner
Where the sun seemed to dwell
I left my thoughts basking
In the warmth of the day

Soft vibrations sent shivers
Shooting through my body like currents
Eyes closed seeming to be lost
In some peaceful oblivion

She didn't let me in
So I left scratches on her door
And yelled for her to let me in
So I can protect my best friend

*I watched my cat curl his body
On the end of my bed next to my feet
He seemed to be drinking the sunlight
That poured from my window
He seems to be more peaceful than me

In the body of a forest
Lies the feet of a tree
Sunk deeply into the soil
Is the root with a heartbeat

Deep earthly eyes
With a presence that is calm
If you let him sink into you too quickly
He will water your every form

Like the spinning of the Earth
He is the drizzle of the stars
The sweetness of the air
And the breeze with every and no care

He is the tunnel system in the city
That connects us through and through
He is the electricity
That lit the room

In a world with different stories
He is the sun that claims no glory
He is the seed that plants the tree
Yet has the roots that found their way to me

Careless people with careful hands
Breaking the right hearts and scattering minds
Leaving a soul empty and raw
And the seeping leaves a stain that pockets won't contain
You left a little to early to see the tattoo you left on his heart
His scars weren't there for the right reasons but even so he didn't see them
He was so effortlessly happy and his cracked skin was beautiful and his tears were so clear it makes me cry
He is the purest body I have ever met and the reason sleeping is hard
My thoughts are awake and buzzing as he opens his eyes and sees more then is mentioned
His friendship is a swelling thing, and my heart grows and skips as his breaks and heals

It nearly took forever
Even as the wind shook
   The leaves from my bones.
     My teeth rattled-
        From the cold words you left overturned.
          And my heart ached
             The kind with a soul purpose.

It seems to run it's softness through your hair
Like I want to do
The closeness to how it dribbles onto your face
And the smooth as it looks like tears
The rivers of it down your shoulders and catches the slopes of your neck
How I love how it pools on your chest
And it the water loves to kiss you how I want to
In showers of rain

Keep the gates up
God please please please
Keep the gates up
I am not ready to break again

I told myself to fall out of love
I needed to know why I fell into it at all
Like late nights talks I missed
Like take care of yourself please
Like fall asleep to me every night
Like please don't let me down again
I let myself down again..

To get myself out of those pools of green and blue of yours
That aren't really either of those colors
But I saw them as those
And now I saw your true colors..
Like you looked better in greys
Like I never really liked girls
Like they all called it a phase
Like I needed to stop feeling trapped
Like love is freeing
And why do I feel trapped?..

So when you didn't need me anymore
And didn't call much anymore
Like not knowing what to say
Like no this doesn't feel right
Like I know I deserve better
Like why did I do this is the first place
Like God look at me now I'm perfect
Like you're a metaphor and I'm in love with similes
Like I'm sorry you will never see it.
Like I see now...your true colors. And how ******* great I am
And how I deserve better

I figured it out
You love yourself
And you give into who you are
Like he's attracted to me?
Cool me too!
So let's talk about me
And him not having a problem with it
Like I'm over you
And you better deal with it.
Because he and I
We're dealing with something new
Like me and you?
That wasn't true
Like me?
I've fallen out of love
*Just like you

From where your thorns stem
Around your harsh words
Your petals float
Above the places others do not see
Nor did they care to look

But I did.

She's a freak
Dressed in all black. AGAIN
Who's funeral are you going to?


I know those words
I used them
To water my garden
So please don't you worry

In this garden of ours
They are weeds
And they stem from negativity
In this garden
I do not want weeds.

Do not worry Haley
You are the flower
That knew cracks and ice
Before you lifted into the sunshine
You are the rose with character
The gorgeous red that isn't afraid
To draw blood in your defense

They stretch their hands into your bristles
Wanting the beauty
Without the pain
Leaving your thorns
For petals
And you will make it a point
To show them not to come again
Unless they are willing to get the scars
And they will get the point.

They are weeds
And this is spring

I've lost a lot of people and my soul won't heal from that...but my body will. And as long as it is able I will keep running,and if I can't run then I will walk. If I can no longer walk then I will crawl. When crawling is useless then I will pray. However it is I will find a way to keep on moving.

Bring up the four walls again
Close all the windows
Make sure the blinds are shut
Keep yourself locked inside.

It's not our love anymore
It is my love

I forgot how wonderful it feels to cry
To for once
Let these creeks flow freely from my eyes
To not hold back this bursting dam
To let go of this anger that builds
In the shape of shame
I will not be held back..at any moment
I will gladly open the packaging I was told
To never even touch
Starting with binding tape
Ripping apart the flesh of the box
God that ever confining box
And tear the corners that held it's shape
Until all that's left is a mess
A beautiful
Broken mess

I do not believe in death
But there is something called
Not being alive
So I beg you
Don't forget me

If you want to love yourself
Then look to the people who love you

If I was a bird  or at least something with wings..
Perhaps I could fly...and fly..

And my God have I accepted that there is a truth and I do not have it.

Red is the color of anger
That burns and boils and bubbles
It seethes and seems to soak into beauty
It is cold and fierce and fiery
And ironically
*red is the color of love

Shoulders that brush against mine
And searching eyes that connect
And find nothing but a question

Fingertips feeling their way around a handle
Feet scrambling to pass new character
Drunk in the moment and dizzy from anticipation
Will you recognize me?...
The old me?
The person I never was.
The beating heart I will be...
The me...that no one knows..perfect
              Strangers.

Over and over
My feet hit the ground
Spinning in circles
The earth is what I've found
Vibrations match my heart
I must be in love with myself
For the way I see blur
It makes my soul completely melt

How nice to feel dizzy
And not worry about the weight

Poets are supposed to be deep
And I am stuck in a rut.

Because if you wanted more
I'd gladly take less
It's better then seeing you hurt or stressed
Don't worry about any of it,
Because I'll take it all.
I'd rather break
Then even see you fall.

Just like the finest wine
Just like you
The finest things age sweeter
And become better with each day

Dark rings around her eyes
Are at all unlike a tree
They do not define what age you are
But instead shows them how she does not sleep

Heavy feet rooted deep into the ground
Unmoving but with shaking limbs
That often try hard to not
Be blown over by light touching wind

She leaves me so bewildered
How she stands so tall
While they use her like firewood
Taking all they can from her

And burning her dreams for warmth
Smoke signals ripple in the sky
She should ask for help she knows it
But not understanding why

Why must she give off her light after giving
Her last breaths away.

I don't remember who you are
You've knocked three times
Instead of coming strait in
****..I thought we were closer than that.

I don't recognize the mask you wear
That shields your eyes from mine.
I can see your darting eyes
Taking in the new person I am.
You don't seem surprised...

But I am...who are you?..
I don't see the honest person
When you're feeding me with lies
I can't read the words you say
When your lip gloss kisses them out

Your dangling ear rings must have caught
The secrets I tried to tell you
Because so far you haven't heard a thing
I whispered in faith..

Can I trust you anymore...
**** where'd you go?
Yeah you're still silly!
But you act like I'm a joke

You've never laughed so hard at me before
The worst part is...
I wasn't making any jokes...

You are a snake...
With a crooked smile and a bearded face
If you shaved I'd never recognize you
Unless you'd smile then I'd see your fangs
Go ahead slick...let her know!
Show her the feelings that you told *me
Make me promise
And drag me in
I'd rather let you break my pinky..
That's MY girl
No one hurts her
So you can keep your broken promises off her
Snakes slither..and it matches the way you walk
In perfect sync..
Funny that snakes can be considered to have pretty eyes
**Just like you

Trying to find rare people in this world's generation is like trying to find a book in a library of blank pages

Give that girl an inch
And she'll make a mile
Constructing sky scrapers
Out of wooden tiles

Never forget to tell your children...that  it's okay to cry
Because it's that when words are forgotten,
They often feel like lies.

You only get one life
Unless you think there's an after
You're kept alive by your beliefs
And views you've shared may matter.

You get what you get
You can't change the time you were given
It's up to you to make that choice
Get up out of bed or stay hidden.
You've been given a script not yet written.

Talk to people you wouldn't dare to be
Who cares if you shouldn't
Atleast do it for me
Never let someone tell you
That just because it sounds fun
That it is fun
Wondering into adventure is different then walking into hell

Pick your battles
Build your worth
You live your whole life knowing you WILL DIE.
You don't get to know when.
Choose that coffee instead of water.
Drink that protein shake.
Can't sprint it?
Jog it. Walk it. Crawl it.
I don't care how
Just get there.

If you're sad or depressed...been there..
You'll wake up one day not thinking about
How?
Or
Where?
One day you'll wake up and feel the need to play in your storm
Don't sit in the rain
You'll drown yourself..
In the weather you make.

You're happy today? Good for you!
Just please make sure,others are too.

You get a future.
You get to breathe.
You get to choose
If you want to stay
Or the next day leave.

Stay fearful, it lets them know how much you care
Or if you care about losing something.

Remember that if one day
You forget your name
The people who truly love you
Will be surrounding you
So in life
Surround yourself with people
Who will every day remind you
Of who you are
Because they are as afraid of losing you
As you are of losing yourself.

The flowers needing to reach for sunlight..
Stretching in every direction and bunches of blooms that were once close together spread their petals at its own pace.
Some stay at the bottom and others blossom at the top.

It's natural to grow apart, because in order to grow you need space to stretch and change.

It's no one's fault..sometimes we need things we didn't need before.
So that's what we reach for.

I've grown distant
And so have you
But we're both happy
That's something new.

I said I was sad..
So we both held on..
Now that we're happy
Our anchor is gone.

Please mom remember your girl
How she never cries
Now think of her with tear stained eyes
And galaxies,bruised on her thighs.

Think of her now
On the phone with your oldest
To whom she is the closest
Biting her hand,so her sister wouldn't notice.

She fits all of the parts
To popular from punk
To poem freak to none
To happy then one day gone.

When she tells you that it's nothing
Think of strawberry gum
How she likes mint the most
But fruit when she needs help
To absorb her stressed cramps.

Mommy did you notice
How she favored her long sleeves
How even in the evening she said she wasn't hungry
Usually you'd say
"She'd never lie to me!"

Your baby girl is growing up
But you'll soon forget her height
Funny how life takes away
Your might and leaves a trail to fight

I try to lift weights
So I feel strong
But what about the ones
I just drag along?

Iron at my ankles
Shackles on my wrists
I never knew I was a prisoner
Until this feeling hit.

Never knew what I've done wrong
I tried to be perfect
But it's all what I thought would happen
If people were ticking bombs.

I blew up in your face
After I thought I was helping you
You lit a fire on a long rope
And all I felt was a threatening taste-

I didn't know depression was this heavy a weight.

We're all idiot fish in a barrel
Jumping into the air to watch the bullets
**** by our fins and hoping the
Strike doesn't hit but misses

And kisses the outskirt of our barrel.

The water is draining fast
And we struggle in all the odds
Against each other and try to get to the
Bottom where there's more water

But we're all gonna die anyways.

So we push each type of fish at each other and smother the others in blood
Of their brothers and don't do anything
Until one of the fish jumps out of our home

And right at the man cleaning the barrel of the gun.

Was it fun watching us unfairly die
While you are doing nothing
With our dying folk
But watching us perish.

You're a real jittery man I bet.

But as bullets fly by the fish we
Demand to run arrogant politicians to
Calm our gills and ask into our feels


But it doesn't matter anyway.

We're all idiot fish in the barrel fighting each other while someone pops holes
In our walls and allows the oxygen in.

We'll all die anyways.

You and I talk about beauty like we see and know what it looks like.
Though we never say why or how we think it’s beautiful.
Tell me. Scream it.
Use the air from your lungs and tell me how ugly you are.
Use that air and taint it with everything beautiful about hurting someone.
About executing the pride that comes in their own humanity?
Tell me is it fun?-
destroying their belief that the world is lovely and showing them how hateful it really can be.
It’s so rare to find someone who finds beauty in the downfall of someone else’s understandings.
  
  You see..we’re part of this tight clique and whenever she feels the need to be unshakable
I build walls up around her because she may be hard-headed but I am hard-hearted.
She’d pull me on a string but I’d always be on her side-or standing behind her-
ready to take on however many knives are thrown at her back.
  You didn’t ever think you weren’t beautiful and why should you start now?
You never second guessed your weight-
until suddenly their words are so heavy you can’t hold yourself up on your own anymore.
  I’m so proud of how huge you keep your values even as they keep being belittled, how they never shrink your bravery or your courage.
I loved how you refused to see it until they saw through your shield, right at whatever you saw was in your heart and worthy at protecting.
Please just tell me what it is that cuts you up so deep you’re left with so many scars that I can never see...
You have to know that not knowing how to heal them is killing me!
  You hide your pain away and distract me from the sadness in your eyes; you know you can’t hide that from me,not ever and definitely not forever.
I saw how they took the smiles from your days, like the sun from the blue skies
and rain can’t go unnoticed!
  The scary thing about having glasses now is that there is no more hesitation in what I see when I doubt it that you’re sad, there’s a certain sharpness in your tears that weren’t there before.
They contradict the fairness of how great the world was-
ah it was so pretty until you see that time doesn’t always heal.
It is less than amnesia that only makes you forget...but you can’t forget the marks on your skin as you can see them daily.
  Time wears thin and stretches ‘till one day you hear something snap inside of you.
Where does it end? When you can’t take it anymore and you long to not feel their words bounce off of you anymore-
for their shots to sink in and you think you deserve it..
You’d willingly take their blows...
But I’d willingly take all of yours for you.
  I heard you whisper once that I was a bully.  
I heard your plea..I know you were really yelling for me to rescue you and my mission was to get you out alive.
I’m not perfect. But I’d sure try my best to forgive my flaws for you to look at all of yours
I’m not a teeny little thing like you..I have curves that wind and sometimes I get lost in them trying to find myself.
But I know better..I cannot be lost because I know where you are..on my compass helping me to when I come to remain at your side.
My thoughts used to vary from, ”If I spilled my secrets with my lunch then maybe my heart will be lighter..”
to
“If I painted my face with shades as pink and vulnerable as yours then maybe I’d be as porcelain and fragile as a doll.”
  No. No more. I can’t sit back anymore and watch you break into pieces like fine china when I’m still putting myself back together from the last time I fell.
Life is a puzzle-it is in pieces-we are made to find the pieces that fit into our souls-
You are a piece of my soul,you are part of my puzzle!
You are my missing piece and without you I wouldn’t be whole.
  I only know what feeling whole is like because you have showed me and I will never let you
go even a day without feeling my love-all the lengths of it.
I can only hope I can make you see that you no longer have to question the heights of your limits and the widths of your personality-because they can go no further than where you let them.
These are the only things you should want to measure-
but toss away your rulers and tape measures because I will never give you a capacity.
  You are not a shape like a square where nothing is outside the box or
a circle when everyone outside is an outsider and you worry about making the cut just to fit in.
You fit in anywhere you are-so never worry about where you think you belong,you
belong wherever you think you do,and I will make sure that is where you are.
  You are a shape that defines where your edges meet and how deep anyone has to go to see you-
not the painted figure with eyelashes too dark and lips too red-
but you.
The silly girl with sideways smiles and bright eyes.  
  If you are a sea of jokes then I’d drown in any “Knock-knock” until I come to rest at your door.
Don’t give me that whole, “I don’t deserve it.”
I don’t care if you think you do or not
But you, are worth it.
  Worth all the nervous  “How do I look?” ‘s you give me
Worth the play fights and being thrown off the bed at 1:00 A.M.’s
Worth all the “I’m ugly” ‘s you throw my way.
I’ve never seen anyone any more beautifully broken.
If I have to stay awake forever putting you back together,
then there’s never been anyone more worth it than you.

I hope this strikes a nerve in you
To tell you that yes
I have blood in me too.

Someone was shot today
Execution style on their knees
Weak and unable to live on their feet
For fighting for what they believe.

All anyone ever wanted in life was peace
If you close your eyes like Lennon said
You'd see more than you would with them open

Black
White
Asian
Hispanic
Russian
Cuban
I don't care what you are

We all bleed red.
If it's blood that is  needed to be spilled to show

Then take it from the history books.
War shouldn't be all we know.

One day I want my babies to feel safe
And have friends of every race
And love the color of their blood,
Not just the color of their skin.

I want them to love the person they love
Because their personality is colorful.

I don't want them to care about equality
Because we're all God's children
He put us all here.
Isn't that equal enough?

Life isn't all sunshine. You need rain to make the flowers grow.