How much more can I write?
As parts of me continue to dwindle
How much more can I write?
If the English language is limited and pain is only so large
How much more can I write?...
As the winds blow violently, twisting and turning the waters under its hands, forcing the limited mass of water away
How much... more... can I write?
As I stare at my words, almost empty...
How much more...

I'd forgotten..
Forgotten everything...
And the pain of forgetting
Forgetting everything..
Was just too **** great
And as I sit trying to remember,
Trying to remember even just a bit
I'm surrounded by cries and shrieks of judgement
Slicing my heart
So that no more can I remember
And no more can I stop the pain and confusion
from seeping into my
mind, heart and soul.

My heart, even though already dust,
Somehow continues to break...
And it hurts!
It ****** **** as heck hurts...
And tears seem to be flowing from my dried eyes,
As if my eyes were not dry at all.
The millions of pieces of my heart scrape at my innards,
Almost forcing me to scream,
But I make sure barely a whisper moves out of my lips.
Not because I'm afraid to, but rather I prefer to keep it to myself.
Because no person's there for me anymore...

Can I tell you what it means?
To be failing at my dreams?
Can't you see that pains me as I fall,
Fall into a concentrated fog.

As my life takes a sudden turn again by the will of my Lord,
I'm forced on my knees begging for more,
For more of His aid as I am shaken to the core,
My heart cracking at
My mind's sudden clarity.

The winds have changed,
My life rearranged,
The sudden turn awakening,
Awakening my mind.

My mind attempts to gain control,
Losing balance in my unstable soul,
As over and through every space the wind does pass,
Forcing my mind to work fast.
My mind now trying harder at every new sound,
Trying to figure out what is profound,
Profoundly what is meant to be,
What is meant to be for me...

Can I tell you what it means,
What it means to be failing at my dreams?
Can't you see?
That it pains me as it all falls apart.
And slowly so too is my heart...

Can I tell you what it means?
As I train myself to smile,
Acting to those around me and beguile,
Beguile most who surround me to save myself from greater pain,
Protecting my heart from further strain.

As all this happens, as it all falls apart,
It separates the pieces of my heart
Falling apart...
Breaking my heart,
Ripping apart,
Turning to dust.

Things are not as they used to be...
I feel I've become something more
Something more than what I used to be
As if something's changed
Even though nothing seems to have?
The petals are slowly falling
Their fall almost contradicting
The cause of their fall...
And as I stare,
Not at the petals
But into the dark abyss that they are enveloped by,
I'm left wondering
What is left of me,
And what I've lost....

Tired...
That's all I can say...
As I stare at nothing in particular everyday,
I mean won't it just ever go away?
Won't it just leave?
Won't it realise it's destroyed me enough?
Won't it just allow me to relieve?
Relieve all the wounds
From the poison flowing out,
The poison only continuing to sprout,
Disallowing the gashes to seal up again,
Draining the blood out of me to gain,
A sense of wholeness once more,
But I feel that I know that I will forever lay sore...
forevermore.

My emotions, easily swayed...
My heart, easily frayed...
My mind, overpowering, confused,
Conflicting, raw, my soul... diffused...

I lay there, dazed, alone,
My eyes dart, tired, no moan
Escapes my lips, as the shadows encompass my soul,
I lay there, limp, thoughtless, imprisoned in the body of a doll.

I stand, eyes unfocused, the days flitting by,
My eyes are still, I cannot cry.
No tears are left, no tears reside,
In the empty body of the doll aside....

Dyed... tainted,
Blind.