Strange it seems
I would've given it all up
For making endless
Highway memories.

Strange it seems
How quickly My brothers
Became my enemies.
Where is the bullet?
Put the gold over my eyes
And make me, a memory.
Set me free.

From trance to trance
I'd give it all soar
To waste away
And nothing more.

So long as we're in it together again.

I see that wasn't the plan for me.
A vessel with a vagrant heart
But wooden feet
with roots.
Rip me from the ground, tear my legs apart.
Cut me open.
If I can't travel sea to shining sea,
Burn me down, let this be the end of me.

I was a place to be called home.
I was safe and secure.
The darkness had other plans instead.
Burrowing it's way inside my head.
I can't be a slave to sickness till the day I'm dead.
But that's what you'll all think  to help yourselves sleep at night.
Stars replaced by endless streetlights.
That's what you tell yourself,
While I'm still burning out, loud and bright.

If I'm really meant to be alone
Then I wish I'd just become a ghost.
Time wouldn't feel so hurried
And I'd get to see how you feel when your eyes are closed.

If I'm really meant to be a ghost
Then I wonder if they miss me.
I wonder if I haunt them
Or if they pretend they were dreaming.

If they were meant to miss me
I wonder do they really?
I wish I was dreaming with them
And the sky was our ceiling.

If they really do,
Then how did everything crumble,
How was I left for dead
Whyd they leave me when I stumbled?

If it was meant to crumble
Then I hope to see the good in this.
I know there's a reason,
But from my perspective, I can't see it.

If there is good in this
Then I hope I can shed
All this dead skin while they're happy.
And I'm wishing I were dead.

Sometimes it's hard to wake up.
It even open my eyes and face reality
Sometimes, oh, sometimes

It's still hard to find a reason for living
Still hard to find a reason to stay clean.

But I believe there's a loving God who's looking down on me.
He's looking down and He's smiling.
Death won't hold you as tight as He will.

I don't know what you're going through
You don't know what you can make it through.
All I can say, is that I'm right here.

You see,
You are like a dandelion seed
Taken away in the breeze
By some kid wishing for world peace
But I'm that stem left selfishly waiting
For your peace in me.

And every time I hear church bells ring
I swear I'm hearing you sing
A little bird with two broken wings
Who flew on the back of this eagle to pick you up off of your feet.

But I flew too far from where you'd want to be
I made you fly when you just wanted to swing
With a chill in your spine
And the clatter of your teeth
I want to be the coat the keeps you warm,
The skin that holds your bones beneath.

But this isn't an insect waiting for pretty wings
It's a soaring eagle who can't feel a thing.
Now you can't feel the wind beneath and you've lost your voice so the world can't hear the song that you sing.

She was just an old woman.
Just like any other I'd ever seen.
But for the first time in my life
I saw a beauty and the details
of what surrounded me.

I can't tell you what voice told me to reach out but I helped this woman.
Something to small and so benign.

"I wish there more out there like you"
She said
Ma'am if only you knew.
If you knew the reason I'm in this bookstore
If you knew the reason I'm in this town, this place at all.
If only you could see past your clearance shelf books and see what monster stands beside you.

God bless you she says.
Her words made me choke, both choke in and choke up.
I wish I could say this is all made up.

You see the reason I'm here
Is because I'm fighting the urge not to die
I'm fighting these feelings of wanting  to get high.

Ma'am if you knew that I'm hear seeking the only friend I have left,
that I'm so desperate for acceptance right now because my life and my plans and my dreams are upside down.

So here I am.
At the end of me.
Ma'am if only you knew.
But the reason I was here
Was to buy 2 books costing as much as the 6 you took.
Ma'am I wish YOU knew how your words shook.
And if I never see you again I hope you got home safe.
I hope you sleep well and dream
I hope my deed and my "god bless you miss" was more than it seemed.
Because I didn't stay to talk,
I didn't tell you you're beautiful.
I didn't tell you anything.
But did my Lord?
Of this I am sure.
I should've told you that you're loved
I should've helped you to your car.
Just Something meaningful
Not so subpar.

Ma'am if only you knew
What I've done to get here.
But I walked away from that store
And I softly and most surely knew
I was at that bookstore, for you.

you are so beautiful
but not in the ways you would expect

i saw the sadness in your eyes
how they seemed to escape the prison you held them in
even for the most fleeting of moments
they shone in your eyes for a second
and they were gone the next
locked away where no one would ever see it
yet despite this,
you are humble and always kind
and for that, you are beautiful

i saw the weariness in your bones
aching muscles and tired limbs still forced to do the day’s work
as they tremble in exhaustion
and protest their misuse
yet despite this,
you are steadfast and you are strong
and for that, you are beautiful

i saw your hurt and your pain
moments where your breath is taken away
as you sit numb and in shock
the times you would falter in step
your head bowed deep, willing your tears not to fall
yet despite this,
you do not lash out, you are not angry
and for that, you are beautiful

you love despite not receiving that love in return
you are kind even when the world is anything but
you are beautiful because you are fighting
despite the gods’ insistence to keep you down

i hope you realize this before it is too late
your soul as pure as light radiates from within
and it makes you glow and beam and always look lovely
and my dear one—
if you could see yourself the way i see you
the way you always see others,

then will you realize you are worth it,
that you are beautiful,
and that you are so infinitely loved