Haunted, I see you in my dreams
Haunted I see you in the street
Haunted I see you all around me

How can that be?
Since I've left your corpse in the cellar
And I have the key.

Without colors & contrasts,
Without whispers & softness,

Without smiles & giggles,
Without caring & sensitivity.

Without jiggles & wiggles,
Without feminine beauty.

Without women,

Experiencing love is the greatest feeling that I have ever known.

But the deterioration of it has never been far.

From family to lovers it leaves me in the moments of happy, for which I am grateful.

But when it isn't what it was, I'm stuck,
without a map, and with lost bearings.

Caught in between feeling meaning, and knowing there is none.

Feeding fuel to the fire,
of use and abuse,
that we're told are fun.

Love is a drug.

The side effects are glee, security and madness.

And all are misleading.

At the end I'm left pleading, with myself.

Never to do it again.

Never to let myself, let myself.

But I do.

Because I'm addicted, to the love I almost had.

She calls no more.
There are no more letters or silly cards from her.
The spot reserved for her emails,
a picture frame thumbnail, sits vacant and sad.
I know I should delete it, but don't know why I haven't.
Ringtones are a dirge.
Pillows and covers and mugs and sofa divots wait expectantly.
Lamenting.
I had to throw out my clothes, the ones she wore when she was cold
or too lazy to pick her own up from the floor.
Was it her scent i could still smell from them after a hundred washes?
Another life is being filled by her existence, now.
He wont notice her impact until it's too late.
I hope it works out between them.
And that she's always safe.

She cries late
                  every night
     Turns off all the
                           lights
         Sits in bed
bawls
             her eyes out
      in the dark
Cutting out pieces
      of her heart
No one can see
                          the scars
           of her sewing
back up her chest
       Soon she will be
             an empty shell
        Hopefully
                    putting her soul to rest
If her heart
                    is no longer there
It can't get broken,
              right?
If no one can see
                          the tears
Then she never cried,
                     right?