I yearn for spring
so to spring I cling
but now fall has arrived
and I’ve been deprived
of the hot summer sun
by constantly trying to run
back to when everything was fine
back to when my reflection was mine
by being stuck in what once was
I made happiness a lost cause

On winter days I go on walks in the dark
I pretend I can leave my body behind
and let my soul wander around the empty park
when I return I find the roads filled with cars
and Christmas lights shining brightly in the trees
for a moment I feel like I'm surrounded by stars
and I wonder if this is what my brother sees

How foolish of me to seek compassion and salvation in this world
When it was this world that destroyed my heart
Now I pray and wait for the righteous hand of the Lord
to soothe my shattered heart and purify my tarnished body.

Look at the 8 limbed creature                                                                                            A nightly procedure
What was meant to create life                                                                                    Now substitutes a knife
The disappearance of the individual                                                                          Such a cruel ritual

My mother doesn’t hug me                                                                                             but I feel her arms around me when she quietly hands me my favourite chocolate bar
My mother doesn’t kiss me                                                                                             but I feel her lips on my forehead when she takes care of my injuries
My mother doesn’t tell me she loves me                                                                           but I read it in every “I'm home” text
My mother doesn’t ask me much                                                                                      but she notices everything
My mother may seem cold to many                                                                            because her warmth is reserved for me alone

I will cry with you
I will hide your tears
I will cling to you
I will roll off with ease
I will comfort you
like no human ever could

I bleed ink
and with my blood I will write

I cry when I write
I scream when I write

For he who does not first bleed
will never be able to do it right