all i needed
was to look at that face
and hear those words
yes you can love me
adrenaline
morphine

last night i rode my bike
in the rain 5 miles to see her
we met in the usual spot
i waited until the perfect moment
asked her permission
to love her once again
it was granted

she will never love me back
but i don't care
because when i dream
it is of her and i together forever

that little shot
is enough to keep that dream alive
through the toughest times

to see that face
and hear those words
yes you can love me
is all i need
adrenaline
dopamine

our intimacy
brings you closer to me
but the monotony
of your insecurity
is boring me

when you jump in my arms
and wrap your legs around my waist
blue dream and khali mist
on your lips all i taste

those wrestling matches
were legendary
you are pretty tough for sure
but i always let you pin me

but you're a lightweight
can't deal with your pain
always looking in the mirror
wondering what could have been

what's wrong babe don't you like what you see?
the day God created you
he should have played the lottery

intimacy brings you close to me
but your insecurity
is killing me

beautiful broken
perfect scarred
they are all out there
don't look too hard

they spread their wings
to welcome you in
don't try to resist
you won't win

they are powerful allies
loyal without fail
they will defend ferociously
with tooth and nail

when you find one
pretty quickly you will know
you can't hold on too tight
eventually you must let go

i woke up one day
and she was gone
i guess the burden was too much
she couldn't keep dragging me along

she made me unstoppable
pushing through boundaries
but her ultimate gift was fully realized
when i learned the strength
came from within me

skinny and starved
stomach growling
calm down honey relax
you're like a scared cat

even the ones
who have been around awhile
the have no feedback to provide
it's pretty straightforward:
survive

you've been to the edge
with not much damage done
looking back with regrets?
better to have none

pick up the pace
light speed is way more fun
just be prepared to ask yourself
*what have i done?

you saved me
i saved you
similar species
matching tattoos

met in sante fe
a fading memory
or maybe a dream
those days are so fuzzy

you stared me down
i stood my ground
i asked you to be gentle please
you said i got this no worries

i gave myself a mohawk
you said i was a fool
you had missing teeth
made it look cool

you showed me the ropes
not live stay alive
fed me with a slow steady trickle
all you need to survive

you said before me
you had not known equal
if you see these words please reach out
i'm down for a sequel

she's gonna get them all back
for what they did to her
yes sir

daddy doesn't want to show his face around
momma's spewing her scorn
What did I do to deserve that?
Get Born?

head like a matchstick
itching to hit the pipe
What did I do to deserve that?
Live Life?

Back bent can't get straight
spiraling out of control
What did I do to deserve that?
Grow Old?

Now you want me to assume the burden
of all mankind

Sorry I'm not sure we're aligned

yes sir
she's gonna get them all back
for what they did to her

Memories of you linger in me
Vanilla coconut perfect harmony
Like the sweet taste of cold Thai Tea

a straggler picked up along the way
wore out their welcome long ago
but you still want them to stay

a decadent treat
only allowed occasionally
we all know what happens with too much
of a good thing
better off with black coffee

they always come back at the worst times
in a meeting
they ask if everything is fine
of course just something in my eye

Memories of you still linger in me
Blazing orange brilliantly
Like sweet Thai Tea

when the blades in my gut start to spin
and i lose my focus
and no matter what i do to get you out of my head
doesn't work
that's when i'm missing you

and when the long gray winter of seattle
becomes my best friend
the endless mud and rain
praying for it to never end
that's when i'm missing you

now i will be lonely
no one will ever love me like you did
no one will ever trust me with their most intimate secrets again
and i have no one to tell mine to

i don't want to move on
because i need some time
to mourn the loss
of something i held so tight
for so long

God i miss you

she wears the necklace i gave her
almost every day
but it lost control
don't be sorry
its not your fault

just took it too far
past the point of broken hearts
i didn't know any better then
i don't know about you
but i was in love with life
for the very first time

you never ended it though
and i dont know why
i've tried to make it easy for you
so many times

or maybe you did
and i was too blind to see
either way we should do it clean
so here it is officially:

we will never be

never

*be

you witnessed my true form last night
let's try to keep that on the down low
what's a little lycanthropy between friends right?
no one really needs to know

so now it makes perfect sense
all the howlin' at the moon
it was all to protect your sanctity
while wrapped in a silk cacoon

you may have noticed all the blood
and the severed pile of hands, to boast
those are from the most viable suitors
that tried to get too close

i was but a frequent customer
serving a greater need
your most loyal for a short time
a new host now must feed

now is time to play your game
i can read a mile away
but i caution you to test me
i have a hidden hand to play

don't dare to try and hide your flaws
i've see them all before
the stretch marks and acne
make me love you more

its not my problem you don't love yourself
that's not on me
i love you enough for both of us
why can't you feel worthy?

so pull me in close
where it's safe to hide
put your hand in my pocket
i have nothing to hide

She said she came from Phoenix
her full back story she ain't tellin'
but she can't get a passport or firearm
so I'm guessing she's a convicted felon

she asked me if i had a room to spare
and offered to pay a small rent
that was six months ago
I haven't see a cent

I asked her to do some dishes
vacuum mow the lawn or any small chore
she said she's writing a song in her head
and can't handle much more

so now i have a live in maid
who doesn't clean or cook a meal
but i know one day she'll sing her song
and her wings will be revealed

I want my ring back
its clear we're not moving on
you don't even wear it anymore
did you sell it to a pawn?

that ring was my Grandmother's
it came from Sicily
i am the first born grandson
that's why she gave it to me

there's already a lot of blood on that stone
so the story goes
my Grandpa broke his back on the railroads
to pay for it in gold

it was supposed to go to my one and only love
that ain't you for sure
so please return what isn't yours
or be prepared for war

I have a little space my own
it's 10X10X6
i can only visit there a few hours a day
cause it's a really tight fit

how i arrived i couldn't say
the convenience of it was strange
on those cold rainy nights
she was a short walk away

she would meet me outside
where we blow a few bowls
then go upstairs
where i would give her my gold

Those moments so intense
Could they have been real?
Are we supposed to have this?
Are we allowed to feel?

I asked her this question directly
At least a hundred times
Sometimes she says of course it was baby
other times no you must have been high

No one ever comes down my road
they don't even know it exists
so well camouflaged
not on gps

I know how to blend into my surroundings
developing the skill set
from many years of being beat down
constantly a target

If you squint hard enough you may catch a glimpse
while you look through the trees
I can see you perfectly
but you can't see me

I completed your customer feedback survey
circled all the 5's
hoping this will earn brownie points
and move me to the front of the line

I'm not like the other monsters
you are quite safe with me
even though you don't believe it
just give me a chance you'll see

even though i don't bring you cheesecakes
and filet mignons for your freezer
I always bring you my heart
a tiny black spec at the tip of a tweezer

If this is how you were taught to love
could I please meet your mother?
it is so sweet the blade rips sharp and warm
i always need another

and when you're bored and need your fun
you will ask how high to make me jump
be cautious when you reach out next time
you may pull back a stump

When she comes over for dinner
I grill some t bones medium rare
she inhales the flesh
licks the fork
and then comes up for air

She looks at me and smiles
she knows what lies beneath
before next course here please take this toothpick
there's something caught between your teeth

penne pasta with my home made sauce
salad with olives and feta cheese
chocolate chip ice cream for those who lick their plates clean
she's always one of these

I was so happy for you
When you finally walked out the door
It was clear to me I was dragging you down
Now look at you soar

As you float in the stratosphere
And look down upon the collective
Please consider the start of your journey
A reference for perspective

up all night
loud music playing
Nervous laughter with friends
Not real
Life in a box
Robbed of her childhood
The baby cries
house arrest
Couldn't break the cycle

I've seen enough
Their stories are told on their faces
You can only take so much before the weak break
Or you just accept your fate

The night you fell asleep in my arms
by 4 am you were long gone
burning up and shuddering in the night
a violent battle raging on

I held on tight listening to every mumbled curse
projecting images of your past
I need to meet those demons you locked horns with last night
after the wormhole collapsed

Thank You for showing your needle tracks
Most prefer blinders
They don't want to see their flaws
They don't need reminders

And Thank You for your perspective on riding the edge-
slow steady and cautious is not typical
I should have suspected
The answer in reciprocal

Lurking in the shadows
awaiting in ambush
perfectly camouflaged

Be still then
So I can act surprised

When you take the bait

The role was played perfectly
a flawless execution
pure perfect fantasy
total illusion

As I surveyed the wreckage
I realized I had no complaints
seemed I had entered a vehicle
without proper restraints