I'm not gona take my life.  
Cause it's not mine to take.
It was yours which you gave.
Now this burden to bare is my fate.
My hearts filled with love.
Slowly gettin drained.
And its gettin refilled.
With all this pain.
What they are refilling with is high octane.
Wish i could sell my soul.
Just for 1 happy day.
Too bad i cant..
Its not his to take.
Wish i could sell my soul.
too bad i cant..
Cause thats not a deal i can make.

I wish i could tell you all the things ive wanted to say or do
How i wanted to lean in and kiss you
that last night on the couch
How if i would have just had a little less self doubt, you could be living
down here
with me
right now
instead i left you there
then left you unanswered for months fully aware
knowing the results just not having the resolve to pick up the phone
Thats probably the most selfish thing ive ever done
or ever will do
and its something i know I'll regret for the rest of my life
I want to tell you about the dream i had where we went on a date and it was a perfect night
and how heartbreaking it was to wake up
i want to tell you about how much i care for you and how sorry i am for leaving you where you are
how sorry i am for the way i must have made you feel
how i would never hate you because ive seen who you really are
I want to tell you about how you're so different in such a beautiful way
and how i wish there was a way to truly show you how rare you are
and how much a soul like yours is worth

I know this feeling all to well
Waking up liver hurting like hell
So i reach for the bottle
The only thing I know will help

The American dream
The long march
Men Sitting in office parks
waiting
listening to the droning sound of a fan
Doing whatever work
Plops in there lap
With no question
As to why
Men driving nails
into concrete
Into wood
in the distance they can hear
the feint sound of an impact drill
they question themself silently
2 no, maybe 3 floors up?
Backhoes of dirt
Back and forth
Being ran by a detached man longing
For his son
and wife
The starving beggar
Passed by everyone on the street
Yet persists hoping to get enough
For his next meal
or his next drink
and im supposed to see this and join in?
and im expected to do this till i die? ha
If this is the american dream
Let me wake up

Every day waking up to a panick attack
Sound asleep given no time to react
For the oncoming onslaught of pain
Like an asthma attack you gasp for air but to no evade
So you curl up and accept your fate
Then over an hour or so it slowly leaves in waves
Left with a residual feeling never to fully dissipate

Ive made many mistakes
But this is the one
for which i harbor the most hate
She was there right in front of me
The one i was destined to meet by fate
I let her go; no... i drove her away
Wrapped up in my own shelfish
self perpetuating ways
Shes out there i know. and i pray shes okay
But in the world shes in; its just a matter of counting days