Trapped inside my body
prisoner of my mind
tired of relying on healing
on someone else's time
Truth is I can't breathe without love
So I will hold my breath
and the next time someone looks for me
I'll just play dead
but if they're wise they'll see me
see that light underneath my skin
they'll love themselves to my door
force me to let them in
I'll already be packed up
and prepared for whatever
when they decide to leave
we'll vacate this place together
thats why I never hang a picture
never set the time on my clocks
the arrival is all I want to remember
when time stops
I want out of this place
of pain, disappointment and hurt
I know my home is no longer here on this earth
Orphan to reality
foster child of its thoughts
doing never what I'm told
refusing to learn what I've been taught
I will keep to the course
Remain a spirit thats free
For I am, from the Great I am
& all I can be is me

for all the times your words cloaked my fear
like a fresh coat of snow in Nov
on a morning when school had been canceled
and you made magic mini waffles
and let me pretend my hot chocolate was coffee

this is where I start to tell you that you're beautiful
that I'll never forget how they laid themselves at our doorstep
wanting to be your husband
wishing they were my father
how their diamonds and pearls
never quite shined bright enough for you
how the memory of my father
was sunlight
starlight
moonlight
first star you saw at night
how you wished
for him
and on him
for me...

this is where I remind you that you're special
that every kid thinks there Mom is great
but many adults forfeit that thought at this age

this is where I confess
I may still have the spirit of my adolescent innocence
when it comes to you
I just might still believe you're superwoman
that you can fly
see through walls
and hear me from miles away

this is where I say I love you
for making all my dreams come true
through the sacrifice of your life

this is where I thank you
for putting me first
for being an example
for  not letting the world have me
keeping my influence good
and leading me in the right direction

this is where I say I'm sorry
that I can't make life any easier yet
that your bills aren't in my name
that the debt of raising a family by yourself
is one too big for my budget

this is where I promise
that I will bring you flowers
before I am Married
After I am a Mom
and for the rest of my life
not for any reason except
they're the first thing earth ever offered me
that made me as happy as your smile
planted deeply in your southern roots
I dont know how you stay so gentle in this rigid world
I only know you are worth more then any words

This is where I try to  stop writing
because words will never really be good enough
its hard to describe the beauty of another realm
when you only know this one
my language is limited here
I dont know the notes to sing
the melody of your love
keeps me alive
keeps me dancing
while the whole world is still

This is where I say I love you Mom
from the deepest parts of me
forever and a day
love your baby girl ;-)
xoxo

Your sons are suffering now
for what you did then
didn't have to pretend
that you had it all figured out
or that you figured how
to love the gift he gave
They are punishing us
Do you remember being forgiven
for taken for granted all you were given
that grudge you hold hangs low
over our souls
hard to be whole
when one half
struggles, striving to achieve what you never had
open your fists and hold you sons
reveal your empty hands
tell stories, honest ones
you didn't know
and your life formed from breath he spoke
you didn't realize
and you were the first lives
help our hearts carry the burden
loving away from God has us hurting
one another, one after the other
Adam
what did you say to Eve?
is the fact of who's fault it was what you truly believe?
did you have to labor for her love?
was it simple
was it verbal
was it instrumental
was it poetry
I know it was biblical
religiously you lead
the race in who we strive to be
seen
as
impossible
Adam if nothing else
See the light in your sons lives
See you
& be brave enough this time
to at least save yourself

My puzzle pieces are mix matched
Theres missing pieces and some that doesn't fit
And some that just doesn't make sense
But someone once told me
You are made of many  puzzles
And sometimes the puzzles get mixed up
Theres this part of you
And this story
And sometimes the pieces get scrambled together
And they don't make sense
So you have to put it back together
Fix your puzzles
Fix yourself