It was late and he held me
Tender and close
Like a lover, but as a friend
He put his cheek to mine
For what may have been the last
Time. It's what keeps us apart

Too much time
The wrong time
Too early along in time

Oh how I hate time
For it only takes from us
That which we want.

Yet in that one time
It was exactly the opposite.
For that moment i wished
Time would stay.
Alas, he fled, left me alone.
Time ran faster than ever before
Ripping him from my aching arms.

So silly, that time.
Oh how I hate time.

Music for empty apartments
Heard only in the winter
Of the soul
The deepest, coldest part
Where the distant melody
Is omnipresent, dark and low.

Music for the heart and mind
Drifting on the breeze,
And soft and gentle sobs
Heard only by those
Alone with their thoughts,
Swimming in the thoughts of others.
Missing ones held dear
Clinging to memories
Playing them over
and over
and over
So as not to let them go...

Like music
For empty apartments
With empty beds
And empty souls.
Music so unheard, it is nearly lost
Yet to those who play it,
It is deafening.

I place my trust in you
- don't break it.
I give my heart to you
- don't take it.
I wish to look upon your face
- you make it so
hard for me.
Hiding in the shadows,
Showing me mere glimpses.
Letting me love you
Only from a distance.
Wrapped in your embrace
Just for a minute.
Pushed aside,
Alone through the thick of it.
Still you have my trust
- I won't let you break it.
And my heart?
-Oh, yes, you've taken it.

And as I sit in this same place as he,
Remembering the way he smiled at me,
And holding on to every lasting glance,
I wish that he would give a second chance
For grasping close those smiles and tears alike
Emotions rife with words I never said
His eyes to mine ever devout and like
This mouth wired shut, my face is turning red.
And yet this speech I cannot find; instead
I say platonic but my love is pure
So if and when the both of us are dead
The mystery of thoughts can lack allure.
A burden lifted- my love yours to hold
But still a fallacy our minds behold.

The rain falls soft
Against my window,
Nearly indiscernible from
The creaking of the floors,
The settling of the walls.
Each drop slides silently
Across the glass,
Fading in to eternity,
Becoming one with the growing
Puddles and lakes below,
From many, they blend in to one.

Each person who walks
The face of this earth
Treads a path unique to them,
So quickly and silently
It is merely a split second
In eternity, to which
We all must fade.
Settling in to the ground
Bones creaking with age.
Time passed nearly indescribable
From the tears and laughter
In accompaniment.
From one, we fade in to many.

I never thought I'd be the one
I'd always seen as less than.
Living a life society
Commercializes as beautiful,
But a young girl sees as
Flawed and directionless;
The way I go about everything.

Yet here I find myself,
Pulled by the undertow toward my fate
One sip, one slip at a time.
Grabbed too quickly with a lurking subtly
Of fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist
So hard I couldn't feel myself
Falling in to them.

I didn't see myself being this one,
Driving home when the light nearly peeks
On the eastern side of my windshield.
Shaking so hard I can barely breathe
Knowing you said things you didn't mean
Only because of the drinks-
And begging myself to believe that.

Sometimes I shake away the good things
Simply because they are good,
And I've felt so much good
I want to know what bad is.
The truth my wandering eyes escape
Seems glaringly obvious in the daylight-
The bad is not good, it is wretched.

Still, I'm at this place
That only I've brought myself to.
Standing on the borders of capabilities,
Yet unable to cross in either direction.
Toward knowing deterioration,
Or a pure sense of empty accomplishment
Neither of which pulls me.

It seems I'll walk the tightrope
For a little while longer,
Lest my gravitational fate
Allow my free-fall to end in a landing.

With too many corners,
The way to approach the unapproachable
Becomes more inconceivably distant.

In the ways I pushed against you
Trying to reach for what I knew
But battling a formidable opponent-
An entirely invisible division.
Only emanating confusion
And the impending release of will.

The loss of love without cause
Does not sit lightly in the heart
But even more unsettling
Are the distant recollections
Of something I saw as so pure;
Allowing myself to mold to you.

Free falling backwards
Thinking you’ll be caught is not
A way to ensure salvation.
Lest a demon disguised as an angel
Retrieves you from the gates,
To distort your desire to burn.

Still, you burned.
Numb to the flames in minutes
But susceptible to the smoke,
Restricting the very mortal intention
To inhale the sustaining force of life
Until you felt the sting.

Heedless to the fires,
I’ve come to find I kept you
Quite close to the center of my heart
With forgiveness and patience
Where others don’t wish
To feel the radiation, or pain

Scorched, an understatement.
Ashes to ashes, my desires
Still rampant to pull you back-
You, back to me
Where I can ensure security;
Habitual protection

If for no reason but this:
Each being placed by 
Divine intention requires
A deeper connection to feel 
Truly alive…
And your walls prevented that.

This is the calm before the storm.
This is the moment to breathe.
This is the time to release.
But that does not mean I leave
When the fire returns.


I will never again let you burn.