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Thinking of You Apr 2014
It's funny how something as insignificant like a roll of fat in your mid-section or a lack of a thigh gap can make someone have such harsh judgements on someone.
You could be the most amazing girl in the world, but if you don't have a rockin' *** you will be overlooked.
You can be a complete idiot with a great figure and guys will fawn over you like you are life changing.  

So it's okay if you don't think i'm good enough, or that i'm worth it.

Because i'm going to lose weight this summer, for me. And then you're going to realize I am the whole package. That you can't have.

You will try. Because I now have the body and the brains.
But it will be too late.
You won't be able to get the hotter version of me.
Too late.
You ****.
Thinking of You Aug 2017
That's the thing about love.
You can't get rid of it.
The more you give it away the more it comes back.
Thinking of You Jun 2021
If this is, what my fear is telling me this is.
Then you are not the man, I thought you were.
And this was a lie.
Thinking of You Sep 2012
I just want to love someone and be loved in return. I don't want the texting, dating, flirting and getting to know each other. I don't want the attention, the thrill. I don't want a relationship status changed. I simply want to have someone I can say and be anything and everything with.
Thinking of You Sep 2017
Time is everything we have and don't.

I will choose to live the time I have in a place I want to be.
Thinking of You May 2021
I love you and I’ve run out of excuses of why I shouldn’t say it.

I’m not saying this out of insecurity.
I’m saying this from a place of confidence because even if you break up with me, I want you to know.

I don’t want to have held in what I know. What I have known since February, maybe before.

I want to be vulnerable with you because I’ve never felt like I could before.

So I need to say this to you unprompted.
I need to say it first.
I love you.
I love this version of you.
I don’t love the idea of you.
I love this life with you.
I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else.
Thinking of You Aug 2017
You’re going to mess up a lot.
Each time you’re going to think it’s the end of the world.

It’s not.

Don’t believe everything you think & know you and your future are entirely up to you.
To My 7th Grade Self and me everyday.
Thinking of You Nov 2021
There’s been a lot of toxic love before you.
You being pure makes me see it.
Thinking of You Apr 2012
He found me, and just, looked at me, my likes, dislikes, bad hair days, bad moods, and awful thoughts. He looked at all of my shame, all of the hate, and decided He had to make me a clean slate. He wrote me a note, a little letter directly to my heart, After I read it, He told me He had a whole book I could read if I wanted. I said I would like to and asked where I could find it, but He said "You already have it, dusty, on one of the shelves in your room."
Thinking of You Oct 2014
I could write that I'm okay being single and I could write that I don't need a boyfriend. And those things would be true. It would also be true if I told you I was happy, and loved my life. But on fall nights with a nip in the air, it would be false if I told you that didn't stay up late and look at cute couples on tumblr.
Thinking of You Apr 2024
All this time I thought I was alone.
Comparing you to everyone when you had moved on with your life.
Only to find out, you were also stuck.
We were unaware we were each others best.
6 hour phone call
Thinking of You Aug 2022
There were only ever two real ones for me.
The rest were just killing time.

Tonight I realized I was never a real for you.
I was just a filler and you were robbing me blind.
Out of all of my relationships and crushes I’ve only had two real loves. I wasn’t real to my second love. I just filling the gap. Between his two real loves.
Thinking of You Jul 2017
I tried to unblock my thoughts to feel something.

It was a bad idea.
Thinking of You Jul 2021
I don’t love you anymore.
I don’t want you anymore.
But my body is still processing the loss you.
I dream of you, almost every night.
But not the good parts.
Not the lie I fell in love with.
I dream about the truth.
I dream about who you really are.
A stranger.
My brain keeps telling my body,
“He’s not real.”
My body keeps asking,
“Are you sure?”
Even if only in my subconscious
Thinking of You Jun 2021
I know I’m enough.
Enough has never been the issue.
It’s the too much.
I’m too ambitious.
I’m too outspoken.
I’m too commanding.
Can’t someone embrace my rawness?
To meet me where I am at fully.
To not die a death of shrinking to make someone comfortable.
You cannot still my waters.
I am have undercurrents too deep for you to reach.
Regardless of how vast my love is for you.
I cannot change them.
It’s who I am.
It’s what I am.
Thinking of You Sep 2014
Do you ever hear a song and the melody feels like home. There is one song that always calms my inner buzz. It's like oh there you see, no need for worry. Your melody is this way. Heart. Beat like this. If flyrock 2# isn't playing when I leave this world and arrive at the pearly gates I will be filled with remorse. Because everytime I hear the sound of its melody I go home.
Thinking of You Jul 2022
There was nothing special about you,
But the way I loved you was.
Thinking of You Sep 2022
If it was up to me.
I’d be with you every night.
If it was up to me.
I’d let you win every fight.
If it was up to me.
You would still be mine.
Thank god it wasn’t up to me.
Thinking of You Jun 2019
I remember sitting on my roof, guitar in hand. Singing songs about love and dreaming about boys I thought I needed. I remember wanting so very badly to be wanted. For him to come over to talk to me.

The fantasy. Where the boy comes over to you because he cannot stay away.

You are irresistible.
You are the only one.
You are different.
Finally.
Someone realized it. Someone saw it. HE saw it. While drinking a chocolate milkshake in that ******* green lettermen’s jacket he wore so well. Sliding in on my side of the booth. My chest and cheeks flush with blood racing to attempt somehow sooth my overloaded brain.

Will life ever get better?
What drug gives you this high?
What experience is this satisfactory?

We all want to be wanted. And the spoiler to the end of this story is, that never changes.
Thinking of You Mar 2021
That’s the thing about writing.
You think if you can confess your vices poetically enough, they’re not vices at all.
Thinking of You Feb 2014
Do you love me or are you lonely?
If you are lonely keep me but if you love me let me go.
Because a long time ago lonely took the place of love and with you that's all I will ever know.
Thinking of You Jul 2017
I lay in bed
    My thoughts void

The bad thoughts don't come
    They're blocked

The good thoughts don't come
     They don't exist

The void comes
      An old friend
Thinking of You Jul 2021
You have this little sigh you do.
When something is bothering you.
In the exhale there is weight.
All I want to do is take the load off of you.
That was one of the first times I realized I loved you.
I was getting stronger, but not for myself.
Thinking of You Mar 2012
We were the best at nothing.
We were the rulers of lost times.
We we the saints of our own sins.
The ones that were bound in the abyss of getting by.

One day would never come.
Realization would never reach our nerve endings.
We were the best at being satisfied with dissatisfaction.
Just enough to talk but never enough to change our ways.

We were the best at longing for love, while lacking the self-control to wait.
We knew the one was yet to come, and we were discontent, but content enough with not all of the something we wanted.

We were the best at thinking about changing.
We were the best at negative hopeful thinking.
We were the best at lying around like sleeping beauty waiting to be awakened to finally begin our life.

Lying.

Dreaming.

We were the best at waiting for our lives to begin.
Thinking of You Jan 2015
With you I lost.
I lost focus.
I lost friends.
I Lost my will.
I Lost my mind, trying to be on yours.
Thinking of You May 2012
As I lay beside the pound the organic sounds mix with the industrial ones coming from the concrete structures not more than a few good pebble skips away; for someone who is an experience pebble skipper at least. I always envied my male friends at the river, grabbing a small rock and persuading it to transform into a water crawler as it made it’s way across the tea colored water. My stones never did that, they were determined to act like stones; sinking into the brown abyss with one big splash. The sound of the water filling the gap my stone fell into, the swift reminder I could not convince the matter to do as I please. The sounds around me now give me a peace as I hear them. The vague rustle of the leaves as a working bee buzzes through them, bravely determined to fight through the grass jungle to reach the sweet nectar on the flower that resides hidden inside.
      Nature always has a way of projecting a determined spirit; I can see it in the weeds growing in the cracks of the sidewalk. No matter how many times they are damaged, torn, poisoned, or malnourished, they always strive to grow. They have never ceased. Not once have they given up, they have a natural hope they hang onto. That they can recover, no matter how much they’ve lost. Organic life, nature, brings hope; it brings the wish of recovery, the willingness to adapt, and the ability to change. Just as the rocks leap from my friends’ hands, and turn into something they’re not, choosing to become more than a stone, refusing to sink. This is what nature brings. It brings Hope.
Thinking of You Sep 2021
I keep looking at my phone.
Thinking if I can articulate my obsessive thoughts.
Feelings.
Pain.
Eloquently enough.
They will somehow go away.
Thinking of You Dec 2021
Christmas used to be magic
Mistletoe had meaning
Tinsel told me reasons this year was different
Little lights told me lies and I believed every single one
Carols charmed me
Presents paraded in front of me
Oh god and love, love felt so very near.
I must be getting old
Thinking of You Jun 2021
I keep waiting for it to not hurt.
I keep waiting to not have shooting pains of anxiety run through my chest when I’m reminded he’s no longer mine.
I keep waiting to feel normal again.
I’m afraid that might not come without a lot more hurt, from truly figuring out how to let him go and the future I see for us together.
I keep waiting to feel like it won’t absolutely crush me to do that.
Thinking of You Feb 2022
I do not have words for you yet.
Can’t sum you up on a few lines.
No rhyme or poem comes to mind.
But I feel like when I do- it will be a good one.
Thinking of You Oct 2012
I used to think something was wrong.
That it was my fault.
That I couldn't move on.
That I was living in the past.
That it was my problem.
That there was something wrong with me.
But it's not my fault, my problem, or wrong.
It just happened.
In that moment it wasn't wrong.
It was perfect.
So when I remember it, it's not because I want you.
It's because you used to be everything I wanted.
Thinking of You Feb 2013
You are the wind in my sails, the breath in my lungs, the magic in my wishes, the butterflies in my kisses, you are the stubborn pumping of this old aching heart.
Thinking of You Sep 2017
You left because you weren't happy.
Good.
Now fill that void with things that do make you happy.
It is not just your right,
But your duty.
Thinking of You May 2012
You were unusual, plain but different in your own faded way. You were a underdeveloped cloud that was somewhere between a heavy fog and one you might say looks like a rabbit. You were always in the middle of things, between my thoughts, within my words, in the midst of my intentions. You shook the ground you stood on without lifting a foot, but you were unaware of the affect you could have. You were ever present in my thoughts, until the day I found your presence unnecessary.

— The End —