There moments when my chest feels heavy and weightless at the same time. Where it feels like it is going to suffocate me or burst out of my chest. Those moments when I'm stressed in a way that is utterly helpless and hopeful.

That's all I seem to be when I'm around you, helpless... But hopeful.

With you I lost.
I lost focus.
I lost friends.
I Lost my will.
I Lost my mind, trying to be on yours.

They say to be with the person you think
about at 2p.m. when you're busy.

Not 2 a.m. When you're lonely...

But you are both of those people.

And all both of you are wrong for me.

I could write that I'm okay being single and I could write that I don't need a boyfriend. And those things would be true. It would also be true if I told you I was happy, and loved my life. But on fall nights with a nip in the air, it would be false if I told you that didn't stay up late and look at cute couples on tumblr.

The inward swarming of my thoughts is overwhelming many times to the point I feel like they are all going in the same direction but cannot find the destination or how to take off. Like bees trying guard their honey when a bear comes for their hive. I feel like the same victim when I compare myself with the ideal portrayed in society. desperately trying to protect something underneath but not being able to keep it together. They slip from their comb into paws. the bees swarm over vacant areas where their used to be sweet things. Where did it go? How do I find it? Can I make more? Is it lost forever? What's the point of comb without honey. Vacancy.

Do you ever hear a song and the melody feels like home. There is one song that always calms my inner buzz. It's like oh there you see, no need for worry. Your melody is this way. Heart. Beat like this. If flyrock 2# isn't playing when I leave this world and arrive at the pearly gates I will be filled with remorse. Because everytime I hear the sound of its melody I go home.

"Your Mac battery is running dangerously low."
It made me laugh that they used the word dangerously.
Just how dangerous could a low computer battery be?
Stall your Netflix watching or your Pinterest spree.
But then I thought about skype calls cut off as a father overseas is watching his baby being born.
Or a start of the wedding march as the bride in white stands adorn.
I started to think about how something innocent can become the most dangerous thing in the world. How the usage of the medium decides the power it stores.
Like a Mac battery being dangerous, another thing which is not to toy.
Three words put together and said in one accord.
"I Love Pizza." is nothing to remark.
But
"I love you." can start a dangerous.
Dangerous.
Spark.