Silence in chaos
triumph and loss
The house became empty
the line had been crossed.

Empty threats
spat in my face.
Accepted with grace.

Memories escaped.
As your smell slowly fades
from this room and also
my heart.

He is kind, holds me lovingly
His hands are soft against my skin
He whispers kindness in my ears
His words are like honey, sickeningly sweet
He loves me

His hands are rough and strong
Wrapped tightly around my throat
He screams hatred in my face
His words like daggers in my soul
He loves me not

He kisses me gently, apologies on his tongue
His lips draw me in, he is the lion to my lamb
He says he needs me, that he wants me
I want him too
He loves me

His words are slurred and slow
His eyes are bright with rage
He slashes a broken bottle through the air
His hands bruising the skin around my wrist, I cannot escape
He loves me not

He washes the blood from my hair
Massaging my bruised skin
He cries to me for forgiveness
He wants a second chance
He says he loves me

He throws me against the wall
His body pulsating with fury
His words of hate now turn to threats
He is scaring me
He loves me not

I cry within the bathroom
I hear him banging on the door
He is screaming to be let inside
But I’m scared he will hurt me
He loves me

Is this what love is
To be scared in your own home
To tremble at the sound of footsteps
Coming up the stairs
He loves me not

It is not love
Because
He does not love me

I write you into my poems at midnight
So that I never forget you;
I write you into my prayers at midnight
So that you never forget me.

One day
One day I'll write you
a poem

I'll write about your
simper
The consuming curves of your mouth
The twitches (sudden, sharp)
in your muscles
(sensations)

I'll tell the world
[empty rooms that read (mock)
my fractured whispers]
of how your chapped translators,
snuck past the
raw fissures of mine

I'll lyricise
About (ghostly) words that
were mouthed
across my skin

In (dazed) familiarity
I will (won't) recall
nights like this one
(none)
Nights where I felt.

I felt.

I'll write about
a love I've never
experienced
with a faceless
person I've never met,
only Alive
in the evolving
depths of (my) dreams
Through dwam
and deep sleep

One day
I'll carve into saturated sand
(under waves that will
greet me with the same fondness I have when I recall you)
all these
Words
that can never exist
(how can they if
you don't either?)