i gave in
for all of
the reasons
i knew
i would

and in the end
it was empty
as i knew
it would be

I wish I could go back.
I wish I could go back and ask you why.
I wish I could go back and have one more conversation,
About why you just stopped.
Stopped.
Was I being myself too much?
Was I not pretty enough? Not popular?
Too loud?
Loud.
I used to be loud.
I used to enjoy talking to you.
You made me feel like I could open up.
Open.
I can't do that anymore.
I can't completely let my guard down,
In case they're like you.
You like hearing "like you," don't you?
Like being liked? I can tell.
I did too.
You took away my trust, but still;
I wish I could go back to you.

I didn’t want to fall apart mid-sentence,
So I said less and asked more questions.
Tuned out love songs, skipped our street —
I made avoiding you look complete.

I smile and nod when your name is mentioned,
As if it doesn't pull me out of the conversation
They throw it around casually, like it's not cutting right through —
I guess I never got to cry out about you.

I laugh—
Every time I’m on the edge of breaking.
When tears slip down,
Uninvited,
From eyes that were never meant to spill them.

I laugh with all I’ve got,
As if the sound can drown the ache—
As if pretending
Can make the pain behave.

I wear a smile like armor,
A mask of joy the world applauds.
But beneath it all—
Is a soul quietly screaming,
Begging to be held,
To be heard.

To be told:
It’s okay to cry.
It’s not weakness to feel.
It’s not a sin to break