I didn’t want to fall apart mid-sentence,
So I said less and asked more questions.
Tuned out love songs, skipped our street —
I made avoiding you look complete.

I smile and nod when your name is mentioned,
As if it doesn't pull me out of the conversation
They throw it around casually, like it's not cutting right through —
I guess I never got to cry out about you.

I laugh—
Every time I’m on the edge of breaking.
When tears slip down,
Uninvited,
From eyes that were never meant to spill them.

I laugh with all I’ve got,
As if the sound can drown the ache—
As if pretending
Can make the pain behave.

I wear a smile like armor,
A mask of joy the world applauds.
But beneath it all—
Is a soul quietly screaming,
Begging to be held,
To be heard.

To be told:
It’s okay to cry.
It’s not weakness to feel.
It’s not a sin to break

I look forward to the day I fail my final,
Because it’ll mean I tried.
I look forward to the day a girl rejects me,
Because it’ll mean I had courage.
I look forward to the day I’m arrested,
Because it’ll mean I found a boundary.
I look forward to the day I get lines on my forehead,
Because it’ll mean I earn them.

I look forward to the day I argue with my wife,
Because it’ll mean I found my person.
I look forward to the day my child is difficult,
Because it’ll mean I see him grow, change.
I look forward to the day I die of old age,
Because it’ll mean I lived.