He can’t dull the ache;
the sting which follows his phrase
“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Pull the trigger
Tick, tick, boom the bomb explodes
I am ticking like a time bomb
Ticking becomes tremors
Tremors become I can't breathe
Nor handle this much longer.

Pull the trigger
Touching me in certain ways
The smell of mushrooms
The anxiety that won't stop circling
All look like the barrel of a loaded gun.

Pull the trigger
Trigger warnings on songs, poems, anything
Aren't taken seriously
Causing me to have episodes
Causing me to bleed on the outside
From the inside out.
I now hardly exist
And these things make it harder
So please
Pull the trigger

When Auden wrote Atlantis
A poem of elegance and grace
If he'd put it on this website
It would have sunk without a trace.

The love of a woman -
Although precious,
Is still external,
A wonderful, glorious view,
A panorama to be seen,
All outside and good...

But Hannah, my only child,
She is internal too
Part of me,
An extension of my flesh,
A bond, not mystical or imagined,
But physical and emotional.
Loving her is natural,
Painful and exquisite
I am in her eyes,
In loving her I love myself;
My own childhood, my needs,
Are in her innocent face;
Her laughter is my own,
Her cry is my sorrow.

My sense of loss compounded:
I feel her feeling of loss,
This inevitable separation,
This "best way":
How it hurts!
She may blame me,
She may feel rejected,
But she is not,
She will never be rejected.

If only that one fact
Could resolve all emotions.

It's that look in your eyes
Right before you kiss me
How your lips feel against mine
It's the way that it tasted
Like water after too many days of going thirsty
It's the way you drew me in
With that smile, ever lasting

I've had enough bad luck to last me forever
I've never gone outside and seen the sun shine
I've never come across a penny while walking down the street
I've never even seen a rabbit so I could cut off his feet
Rain clouds always covering my skies
And the drops, they keep getting in my eye
I've had enough bad luck to last me forever
But I can suffer through it all if you and I are together

you were a better friend to me in a few months
then some have been to me in years
yet now when we see each other in the halls
we act like we're total strangers
the fallout was all my fault
I didn't believe I deserved a friend
"it wasn't fair you got stuck with me"
and so to make it up to you, I left
now I see how mistaken I was
to think such a foolish thing
but I'm the insecure one of us
it's my job to keep my heart in a sling