Somewhere in there,
Maybe I could go back and rescue my mind from this sizzling bath of TV static.
But you know what they say about thinking like that.
It's just that nothing seems to make much sense anymore,
And I find it hard to convince myself to make a move.
I'm scared, I trust myself only a little more than I trust the world.

I'm not moving, just thinking about all this and then you come home.
You talk to me in the cute voice you used with your cat when you were in Oregon.
It wakes me up.
I was unsure about all this at first,
And not really even aware of it,
But you've grown on me.
You've grown roots into my heart. I know what they want... and I couldn't bring myself to rip them out and walk away.

Because I looked down and saw that I'd grown roots into you as well.

When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.

I can be mean, I can be nice.
Not all at once, not more than twice.
No need to scream, just words of advice.
This isn’t a dream, just a means to entice.
I’m not a machine, or handheld device.
This isn’t ice cream, or a bowl filled with rice.
Lets make a scene, let’s roll the dice.
Not as bad as it seems
When you play your cards right.