I have days where I feel zoned out and want to sleep off the day. I feel no motivation to do anything and just want to go in the mind escape of my brain.
   Then there’s part of my brain that wakes up and realizes I shouldn’t be doing this to myself. I should do something motivating. Like interacting with family and living it up, so I don’t focus on my derealization.
    Suddenly, there are days were I feel motivated and ambitious about hobbies, fashion and school.  I start to feel the burst of happiness for life.

I latch on memories.
This is probably the reason I have derealization.
I admire the past and it’s events; although, they have to be events that are different and not usual for my daily routine.
It could be from Yesterday or 3 years ago.
I start thinking about that event for along time.
If I am alone I will start sobbing.
I have no reason why I do this, but I do this.
Although, when I am in that event in the present I don’t consume the event all. Though when it’s the next day in the shower (can be anywhere )I start consuming the event and my emotions.

Intoxicated by my thoughts.
Wishing I knew what is making it all swerve around like snake or worm. I don’t know what caused it? It might had been the tragic event that happened on Wednesday? Even maybe this might be my next mental state prospective; that is strange like all of them.
     I wish that everything was normal and that I could think straight. Too many things my brain can process, a tragic event or my brain trying to confused me with answers on a test cause I start thinking about my future. Wishing I could go back to the past and be in those comfort memories, that I day dream about and play in a movie in my brain on constant.
    Only if I could dissect brain. Though I’m in this real world; I’m supposedly in. I could dissect it; however, it would be hard cause I have Derealization and Dyslexia.

I want to walk away from my past. The ones that are my nightmares. That hunt me and find me from every corner of my thoughts.
    All items and memories that are apart of them.
Burn them to ashes. Have them not exist anymore and have no worries of them.
  Open up my brain for new memories that are better and that won’t hunt me.
  Welcome people who are better for my mental health and spiritual self. That won’t stab me in the back as I blink.
    I wake up once again from my dream and realize. That I am back in this round planet that might be flat and it’s rules are not like my brain and subconscious. I can’t do some of theses actions. I just have to live life like the rest of these humans.

My brain is conflicted.
  I want to sob, but I can’t for some odd reason. These thoughts are intertwined with my thoughts about my weight. I feel unsure.
    My brain is conflicted.
I want to give up. Sometimes I don’t; although, it depends if I am ambitious.
      My brain is conflicted.
What should I do? Am I confused?
These thoughts,
  they are killing me like a storm killing grass. Absorbing moisture from the rain, and over filling it.

Things we do in our past hunts us. They creep from out of nowhere.
It might be people who we use to be close to, or things we said.
They come out of nowhere, like there ment to hunt you and have you go scavenge in your memories and past.
Things in our past hunt us.
It could be anything like songs that you haven’t heard in a while, items that you and someone else connected with.
   Things we did or anything from our past hunt us.
It’s hard to believe once you realize they come back. They might be there to signal you, or fate trying to have you think about that part in your life. This world is an endless mystery the more you pull it apart.

Time to the time of the roading
The road of reading
The road of fragment
Do we know her?
Yes certainly you do!
The path she the roading
Road to where
Road from development
Ice of course
The green
Inhale the nature
The here of the time
Time among time
Until the death
The thoughts by others
The international time of the path
Develop of the road
Unknown
Yet recover by the mystery
Others twisted in the different
The greatest
The proud
The known
Alive
The waving of time knife
Ready to the time of the ready 
red ink
The play of it