I’ve been breaking for so long
my shattered pieces are scattered to far to ever recover them.
I’ve lost so much of myself I no longer know what I really look like on the inside.
I’ve tried covering up the missing parts and the gaping holes with anything I can find
but it’s made me not me.
It’s made me a person
I no longer know.
I no longer see myself as me
but as a plastered shell
covered with false looks.
filled with a fake person.
I’ve cracked myself
given shards of me to others
in hope they would stay.
In hopes they would find
what they wanted in me.
But they kept the shard and left.
They do not want me.
And in return I no longer want myself.

My shattered self searches for something
That will help fill the void.
but all it finds is capsules
filled with empty promises
sharp edges
filled with pain.
It no longer knows what to do.
So it takes the capsules
and carves with the shape edge.
Hoping
that the new additions might cover her flaws,
might fill her empty spaces.
Shattered
forgotten
it sits in aching silence.
My shattered self is ruined.
My shattered body is torn.
My shattered thoughts escape me.
I am shattered
broken.
I can not be fixed.

I sit down and feel like I’m in a box with a label.
A label of unwanted
Of just not quite right.
Of outcast.
A label of annoying,
Of weird.
I’m inside a box in my family.
One they wish they could throw out.
It’s been sitting there
and no one knows what to do with it.
No one wants to touch it.
They don’t want to deal with it.
They try to look away to forget it’s there.
They think if they ignore it long enough
It will disappear.
No one wants the box with me in it.
It hurts.
It hurts knowing they don’t want me.
It hurts knowing I’m not what they want.

I have a heartbeat in my chest
I don’t want one
Beating.
Reminding me that I’m here
Alive.

I wish that when I stop to think
I couldn’t hear it
supply oxygen to this body
I do not want.

Though it would be painful
To stop the heart
In my chest
I hurt as it is.

If it were to stop
The pain would subside
I wouldn’t feel this anymore
It would be good.

Beautiful  probably.

How can I keep going
Everything is falling apart
Loneliness is my reality
Pain is only the start

I feel so empty

What is the point
All things are meant to cease
Nothing will get better
The only option is escape

To slip into the dark
One last time

Every moment is to long
Numbed to life
Dead ends is the conclusion

Rejection.
So bitter
Nothing sweet.

How many times
Must I be told
I am not enough.

How many times
Can I be shattered
By the words.

How many times
Does rejection have to say
I am not worth it.

How many times
Can I be shown
I will never be enough.

Rejection
Means broken
Only pain.

No one
knows
the pain
hidden
behind eyes
Shining
so bright

No one
knows
the tears
leaking
From creases
when
nobody’s around
Watching