I try so hard
To keep it inside
So I can hide it
And keep it silent
Sometimes it slips
a tear rolls down
My throat closes
I know it is done
My shallow breathes
become ragged
My face shades red
I hold it back
But it’s not enough

Everything comes
I can no longer breathe
I gulp in air
Only to be empty

A smile can hide a lot
It can hide all the sorrows and pains
It can hide the tears you want to shed
A smile can hide all the thoughts in your head
About yourself and what you do
It hides your insecurities too.

It makes them think you’re happy
You don’t have a care in the world
“Why would she be sad? Have you seen her smile?”
“I’ve never meet a more happier person”
A smile can hide a lot.

I am ugly”
The thought says
“I have beauty”
I say

“I am worthless”
The thought nags
“I am priceless”
I say

“You are nothing”
The thought whispers
“I am everything”
I say

“You are unloved”
The thought says
“Maybe you’re right”
I whisper

“I am”
Says the thought
“I can’t go on”
I say

“It’s your choice”
The thought says
“I can’t choose”
I say

“Then don’t”
The thought whispers

“I can be loved”
I whisper
“Can you know”
The thought asks

“I am loved”
I say back
“But you don’t matter”
Says the thought

“I matter to myself”
I say

“You are stupid”
The thought says
“I am smart”
I say

“You can’t do anything”
The thought whispers
“You’re broken”
“You’re untalented”
“You’re annoying”
“You should give up”
The thought whispers
“You’re right”
I sob
I whisper
“You win”

I don’t know if I can make it.
The thought that’s runs through my head.  
I don’t know if I want to try.  
Do I want to stay?

Why is it such a bad thing to go.
Can’t it be a sweet sorrow.
Does it always have to be bitter.

I don’t want to break them.
I know how it feels to be shattered.  
Shattered into a million pieces.  
So many lost that I can’t put back.  
The feeling that I will never be whole.  

I don’t know if I can make it.
Is it even worth it anymore.  
To live and never be whole.  
To stay just to keep breaking.  

But, do I go at the expense of breaking others.
The real question is
Are they strong enough to fix themselves.  

Can they do something that I never could.
Mend themselves.  
Find all their pieces.
We will have to see.

I am out of place
Just an odd case
A note off beat
There are no empty seats.
Not sure where to turn
I know I’ll burn
Nobody is aware
There isn’t a care
I don’t belong
This is an old song
How can this be
This isn’t even me
I’m going to sink
Not even enough time to blink

Confidence is a fragile thing
It can be built or broken
With only one word

What seems to take a million years
To make something that’s almost perfect
Takes only one word for it to crack
And only a few to make it shatter

Building it up takes longer than before
Using the broken pieces to put it back together
That almost perfect something
Won’t ever be the same

Everyone needs me to be fine
So I am fine
Everyone has to be perfect
So I pretend to be perfect
Everyone says to smile
So I mask my face with a smile
Everyone says to love
So I act like I know how to love
Everyone says to be pretty
So I try to be pretty
Everyone says to do everything
So I fake having a life
Everyone says to be yourself
But in a world of everyone says
I can’t.