I want you to know
I’m sorry I left
But I needed to go
My mind agreed
To something I set
In motion
Long ago
I’d been fighting for you
Just to stay a little more
But I could not find
The courage to stay
For myself.
This fighting
Grew old
My body became tired
Soon I could no longer
Keep the act going.
The days grew longer
The nights became darker
My brain would never turn off
I felt it would be better
For me to disappear
Escape from the earth
And leave everything
To go on without me.
So I say it again
I’m sorry I left
But it was my only choice
I couldn’t stop
What I already started.
I’m sorry.

Let the clouds remind you
That I am always nearby
When the storms and thunder come
I sing along with them.  
As rain covers the earth
And deep clouds surround the sky
Hear the patter of the drops
And know all along
I’m by your side
Never too far gone
Feel the cool touch on your skin
Like a gentle tap from me
Let it remind you
I’ve never really left.
Smell the fresh breeze
Imagine me there
Let the winds whisper
About secrets and stories
I’ve left for you to share.
Smell the fresh scent
Close your eyes
And know above anything
You can see me in the sky.

I’m taking up time
and seconds
That no longer
are there for me
Ticking clocks
That should
Have been
silenced
forever ago
A past action
Should have been
Followed through
I wish
I had
The courage
Before
To finally
Be gone

Sad
Shattered
Self
Sees
Something
So
Simply
Small

Seeking
Someone
Simply
Safe

Scarred
Seconds
Says
Sabotage
Saves

So
Sane
Senses
Sail
Scribbled
Seas

My shattered self searches for something
That will help fill the void.
But all it finds are capsules filled with empty promises
sharp edges filled with pain.
It no longer knows what to do.
So it takes the capsules
and carves with the shape edge.
Hoping
that the new additions might cover her flaws,
might fill her empty spaces.
Shattered
forgotten
it sits in aching silence.
My shattered self is ruined.
My shattered body is torn and broken.
My shattered thoughts escape me.
I am shattered
broken.
I can not be fixed.

You haven’t seen the scars of the tears.
Lightly etched on my skin
Hidden under heavy layers
Covered by colored masks

You don’t see the breakdowns in front of the mirror.
Every inch is inspected
Every inch is rejected
Every time I see the reflection

So how can you know everything is fine
You never bother to ask
I no longer care to share
We sit at distant ends of reality

Because

In real life I’m shattered inside.
Every second I break a little more
Day by day I break away
Soon I fear

Nothing will be left

I’ve been breaking for so long
my shattered pieces are scattered to far to ever recover them.
I’ve lost so much of myself I no longer know what I really look like on the inside.
I’ve tried covering up the missing parts and the gaping holes with anything I can find
but it’s made me not me.
It’s made me a person
I no longer know.
I no longer see myself as me
but as a plastered shell
covered with false looks.
filled with a fake person.
I’ve cracked myself
given shards of me to others
in hope they would stay.
In hopes they would find
what they wanted in me.
But they kept the shard and left.
They do not want me.
And in return I no longer want myself.