do you know what it’s like
to feel like you live
in the cage?

do you know what it’s like
to hate what you see
in the mirror?

do you know what it’s like
to flinch when you hear
your voice?

do you know what it’s like
to break down in the bathroom
and cry into sleep?

do you know what it’s like
when you are
in the wrong body?

I smash my skull against the wall
when I hear you call
that name as if it is mine
because every day it hurts a little bit worse
and the realization sinks in that I will never be who I feel I am.

It's like pain in the chest,
and that too.
I feel like I'm dying,
and there's nothing I can do,
I'm not in control,
I never will be,
I'm standing here,
wishing I was "he",
I don't own my body,
it owns me,
"It's a mental illness"
There's nothing you can see,
other than the marks,
etched into my skin,
By the rough end of a drawing pin,
I know I shouldn't
I know it's bad.
I but i have voices
They're driving me mad.
"Help me sir I'm going insane"
But you won't though,
even though I'm in pain.

I look at my chest the way I'd look at a wound
I know it's a part of me,
I know it's there,
But it feels temporary,
And a little gross,
Like when I sliced my thumb
On glass at 1am.
My binder is a bandage
And it's hard to take it off,
Because I feel the wound open up,
And my back hurts from wearing the bandage,
But it's so much better than
Seeing where my skin splits in two

why so sensitive you are,
when you see a toilet sign,
when they say here go the men
and there the women.
be all pretty or be strong.
you drink ***** or some wine...

why break down every time,
why flinch at the sound,
why feel your stomach twist inside,
and brain screaming in protest?

‘you are making it all up’ they say,
but you fight your own self every day.
you are powerless and tired –
your strength and spirit fades.

will you endure,
and see a better end?

A long day
Bruised sides
Ribs visibly shifted
Chest swollen
Stabbing heart pain
But it's all worth it
Because someone saw me
As I am.
A man.

i wish i could take it's power
make it mean nothing to me
have it mean someone else
but it was me
its a reminder i am not
who i want to be

i feel broken in my
own bones
i want to get out of my skin
i want to change the unchangeable

my chest
my voice
my face
my everything feels wrong

I feel like crawling out
of my skin
ripping my chest off
and running away from my body

i just want it gone
just let this pain end