It's like I know
I'm a mess
I know I'm full of stress
I'm depressed
I'm a total wreck

I know it hurts my health
I know it kills my cells
I know I live in hell
But

Without it
Who would I be?
Without it
What would I see
Without it
I can't believe
In me

I've learned to live
Without calm bliss
I've learned to kiss
Every scar
Every war
My mind
Plays

I have to stay
I cannot stray
I'm too afraid
On a deeper level
Then what ifs
And what nots
It seems like it's a lot

To lose
To choose
What to do

I've learned to love me
Even tho I hate me
I've learned to live
Like this
I make my art
I play my part
I'm afraid to change
After 26 years
To become someone else
Is a huge fear
I just learned
To love this girl
With this choice
It could change my world
Change it all
What if I fall
What if I'm mean
What if I'm not clean
What if I'm boring
What if I'm snoring
What if
What if
I'm not me
The pieces I love
The things I hold above
What if they leave
Like everyone else
What if I can't believe
In the father above
What if I'm gone

Tell me
If I choose this
What if???

On the subway
a woman with leather boots and a designer bag leaned forward in her seat and spit right onto the floor.
The woman across from me looked up, eyebrows raised.
“Really?” she mouthed.
The rear door slid open and a tall man walked into the car, his face badly scarred. Creamy-pink-and-tan marbled skin. He wore sunglasses. He didn’t have a nose or fingers. He carried a laminated news article in the crook of his arm. The headline explained, shouted to us, that he was the victim of an acid attack.
“They ruined my life. Money, please.”
“They ruined my life. Money, please.”
“They ruined my life. Money, please.”
Only the spitter and I gave him cash.
The spitter and I only gave him cash.